Write-Offs: Not To Mince Words Or Anything

The masses have tasted blood and want more. Enter A.J., of "Thursday Night" and "Models and Bottles" fame, the latest in a series of case studies demonstrating the various personality disorders that plague many an inhabitant of Wall Street and the like. But A.J., pagans, is not a douche bag.

Now, wait, let us finish. For the past several weeks, nearly every media outlet—ourselves included—have lumped these kids—Aleksey, Lucy, A.J., that kid from Merrill Lynch—together to collectively comprise Team Douche Bag. But that’s wrong on so many levels, the most offensive being the linguistic one. We realize this is a business tabloid and really no place to offer an English lesson but who says we can’t take a few minutes to make ourselves better people, huh? Not us. Because we’re not going to sit idly by any longer. So let’s gather round the campfire and put one up on the boards for humanity. Okay:

Aleksey Vayner, people, is a douche bag. A classic, archetypal douche bag. Lucy Gao, is a megalomaniac. A.J. is a jackass. Subtle differences, but differences still. These nuances may seem insignificant to you now; you might even think this is just us trying to make it to our minimum number of daily posts. And you're right. But we’re also sharing an important public message that you'll be happy we shoved down your throats lovingly caressed you with you come next week, when Brock Fantasia adds his own video to the mix, making it all but impossible to keep the Hodgepodge of 'Douche Bags' apart, but quite easy, effortless, even, to keep track of Douche Bag, Megalomaniac, Jackass, and—don’t get too excited because you're still a good eight days away—Cocky Fuck. Have a great weekend.

A.J. the Analyst's Boogie Nights Might Be Ending [NY Sun]
A.J.: Point/Counterpoint, Thursday Still the Night That He Balls [Gawker]
The Resume Mocked 'Round the World [DealBook]