NYSE to Close in Ford's Honor (WSJ) We grew up believing that Gerald Ford was at best a joke and at worst an enemy. It's still hard to not think of Chevy Chase's pratfalls when we hear his name. And his choice of liberal Republican plutocrat Nelson Rockefeller as vice-president marked him as not only on the wrong side of history but on the wrong side, period. In the years since he exited the stage of national politics the best thing that can be said is that he stayed off stage, no small feat in the age of ex-presidents as global superheroes. But we'll give this to him: the man knew when to die. The NYSE, the America Stock Exchange, the Chicago Board Options Exchange and the CBOE Futures Exchange have all announced they will be closed on Tuesday in observance of a national day of mourning for Ford. And now the banks are sending out memos giving everyone the day off as well. Which means we hit this New Year's Eve weekend with four days off—and an extra day to recover from the damage we plan to do to ourselves, our loved ones, our livers and our souls on Sunday night. So here's to Ford. In the end, not such a bad guy.

Apple Probe Finds Jobs Recommended Some Grants (WSJ) Here's an Apple commercial you won't see—the one where Hodgeman comes on asking why the hell the Mac guy is always so effin smug, and the Mac guy replies that not only did he get backdated options but he's totally getting away with it. Look, we've said again and again that, for the most part, backdating was a phony scandal. And nothing illustrates this better than what happened with Steve Jobs' backdated options grants. You see, Jobs got two grants that were pegged to earlier dates, essentially giving him options that would be priced cheaper than if they were dated on the correct date. But these were later cancelled when the company gave Jobs a bunch of restricted stock. Now if you keep in mind that restricted stock is basically an option with an exercise price of zero, you can understand why scandalizing backdating is so silly. A cheaper option is a crime but a free grant isn't? It's a wonderful world.

Hedge Hogging (New York Post) The limits of the insider trading laws are a bit fuzzy, in part because so few of those charged actually go to trial. Except for the most obviously criminal enterprises—such as this year's Plotkin Plot—the SEC settles most insider trading cases out of court, which means that there actually isn't much in the way of legal precedent testing the limits of the laws. So you can bet on some legal fireworks in the case of John Mangan, a co-founder of Mangan & McColl Partners, who was accused by the SEC yesterday of insider trading. Mangan is accused of gaming a PIPE of CompuDyne stock, and plans defend himself by claiming it was just a bureaucratic mix-up. The outcome of the case could provide guidance for how banks and hedge funds can be held liable for screwing up trading executions.

Bringing Back The Brick (GrooveKing) Nothing says classic Wall Street like the old brick cellular phone. Now someone has gone and figured out how to get one of these babies working again by tearing out the insides and using Bluetooth technology to bring it up to date. Bess, we finally found a Hanukah gift for you.

And That Was 2006: The entire DealBreaker team wishes you a happy New Year. We'll be back on a full schedule next week. See you in 2007.

Bernanke Recovers From Missteps to Earn Inflation Credibility (Bloomberg)

After early doubts about the Fed chief's commitment to fighting inflation and charges that he was too candid about policy, investors are now giving the 53-year-old Bernanke a vote of confidence. The yield on the benchmark 10-year Treasury note has fallen to 4.65 percent -- from 5.25 percent in June -- even though he stopped raising interest rates in August with inflation above his declared comfort level.

SEC Charges Trader (The Street) The SEC has filed a suit against John Mangan Jr., a former hedge fund manager, for the alleged insider trading of shares in a small company involved in private placement. The lawsuit is the “latest in a long string of regulatory actions to stem from the investigation into allegations of improper trading in [a 2001 investment in PIPE], which raised $12 million for Compudyne, a Maryland security-services company.

Apple ‘falsified’ files on Jobs’ options (Financial Times) Stevie-boy Jobs was reportedly given 7.5 million stock options back in 2001 sans the pesky little “required authorization” from Apple’s board of directors.

Records that purported to show a full board meeting had taken place to approve Mr. Jobs’ remuneration, as required by Apple’s procedures, were later falsified. These are now among the pieces of evidence being weighed by the Securities and Exchange Commission as it decides whether to pursue a case against the company or any individuals over the affair, according to these people.

Still adamant in his desire to “F the S.E.C,” Jobs apparently continued today barraging reporters with threats pointed toward the government organization in regards to his purported might as bizarrely derived by a recent series of television ads produced by Apple. “Have you seen our ‘I’m a MAC/I’m a P.C. commercials?” he was heard asking a reporter in a tone that was best described as sounding “psychotic.” “If you’d seen them you’d know the S.E.C. don’t have shit on me.” “No, really, I’m not kidding you, if you can’t agree with the statement ‘That Hodgman get my goat every time,’ you haven’t seen the commercials. Most people think the one with them in the boxes is the best but I think the best one is when P.C. and MAC are at a “marriage counselor” and they’re talking about how P.C. feels inadequate compared to MAC and oh my god it’s just hilarious, they’re pretending to be like a husband and wife, I kid you not, I’m in stitches every time I see that one. STICHES! I’m not kidding. I love those ads. I love them. I love them. [whispering] I love them. I love…[trails off].”

Seagate CEO apologizes for porn remark (Fortune) We just like that headline. Sue us for living.

PAYOLA SCORES ANOTHER $4.25M (NYP) Shocker: Hurricane Spitzer strikes again.

Lindsay gets a visit from Mr. Flash (WallStrip)

Dow Runs to New Record (The Street) Despite light trading, the Dow closed at a new record today, finishing at 12,511, thanks to gains in Alcoa, Citigroup, and GM. Over the past two days, only 1.67 billion shares were traded on the NYSE, while the NASDAQ only traded 1.24. Tomorrow could be the last day in 2006 for Wall Street, as trading may be cancelled in light of former President Ford’s death. Four-day weekend? Yes please.

Merrill brokers get plum (NYDN) Merrill Lynch’s 2007 Focus on Growth bonus program will very sweetly reward brokers who bring “lots of revenue into the firm,” while still increasing fee-based business.

Brokers who are growing their business can achieve a much greater award under the production-based program than under the current scheme, according to an internal memo. Bonuses of 10%, 20% and 30% of the commissions and fees produced over the past 12 months are available, according to people briefed on its specifics. Since advisers at Merrill Lynch on average take home about 40% of the revenue they produce as base pay, those who win the top bonuses theoretically could end up taking home more than 70% of their production.

Trump mortgage chief inflated resume (Money) Not that the whole “Miss Teen USA is a cokehead, Trump, arbiter of all things moral and not etc may or may not pardon her, TONIGHT! on things we're too educated well-bred coked-out ourselves to work up the energy to get our panties in a bunch over but will watch because, honestly, who knows where the remote is Network” and Big D and Big O’D, Live at the Garden were getting stale but…you know how it is. We needed some fresh meat. Apparently the big guy heard our prayers and said, “I think I’ve got something you might like, if you’ll just step over here, and take a look in the trunk of my car, I’m sure we can find something you’d be interested in.” E.J. Ridings, the man brought into Trump Mortgage to “inject integrity into an industry that has the reputation for giving customers a raw deal” may have given old Donny-boy the “raw deal” himself.

First, Ridings' initial bio stated that before joining the company he was "a top executive at one of Wall Street's most prestigious investment banks." Second, the bio had said that Ridings was an "established leader" at one of New York's leading mortgage boutiques. Third, the bio said he had 15 years of experience in the financial industry. All three claims appear to be false, according to regulatory documents obtained by Money and interviews with former colleagues of Ridings.

Ridings, 42, has never been a top professional on Wall Street. Ridings, in an interview with Money in September, said the "top-executive" reference in his bio refers to an 18-month period in which he was a retail stockbroker at Morgan Stanley.

Absence of Reports Keeps Trading Light (AP) C'mon, you know the drill-- lower oil prices.

Report: Apple Probed on Stock Options (Forbes)

Shares of Apple Computer Inc. fell almost 5 percent in early trading Wednesday after a legal publication reported that federal prosecutors are probing whether former company executives forged documents to maximize executives' stock option profits.

U.S. regulator does turnabout on stock options reporting rule (International Herald Tribune)

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, in a move announced late on the last business day before Christmas, reversed a decision it made in July and adopted a rule that would allow many companies to report significantly lower total compensation for top executives.

The change in the way grants of stock options are to be explained to investors is a victory for corporations that had opposed the rule when it was issued in July, and a defeat for institutional investors that had backed the SEC's original rule.

Finally, justice for corporate America. [fist pump] Finally. [chest bumps all around]

Philip Morris Altria rebrands Lindsay [WallStrip]

Ex-Trader Tells Story as a Warning (NYT)
After you’ve lost $1.3 billion in Japanese stock futures and bonds, run your employer into the ground, provoked the ire of the Queen of England and served four years in prison, there isn’t much left to check off on the Things To Do Before I Die list, save for serving as the general manager of an Irish soccer club, is there? Nicholas W. Leeson, a 39-year-old Londoner who has the distinct pleasure of having accomplished all of the aforementioned, begs to differ. The “Rogue Trader,” who began working for Barings Bank in 1989 and had no small part in its ’95 $1 billion-in-losses-collapse, now tells his cautionary tale to the tune of £5,000 ($9,800) a speech, in addition to a book deal and the general contentment of being able to say Hey, I may have lost a 233 year old bank a pretty penny, but now I’m turning the tables on them and insisting “The British bank was culpable for failing to supervise [me] and for accepting the bluster of a young trader who was prepared to disguise his trading losses.” You can’t put a price tag on that kind of satisfaction.

Bernanke, Fukui, Trichet May Fail King's `Boring' Test on Rates (Bloomberg)
2006: skinny jeans, Aleksey Vayner, Jim Cramer bobble heads, predictability. 2007: mini-skirts, Valentin Mironov, Jim Cramer dashboard dolls*, volatility. Analysts are expecting a global economy with both slowed growth and inflation; Goldman predicts Bernanke will cut the Fed’s rate to 4.5 percent, Barclays thinks it’ll be kicked up to 6. John Lipsky foresees “reasons why you should worry that [things] could be dicier.”

Questions for Peter Singer (NYT Magazine)
In case you missed it, Peter Singer (the Ira W. DeCamp professor of bioethics at the Center for Human Values at Princeton University) answered Times Magazine readers’ questions about the ethics pertaining to spending and philanthropy over the weekend. Unsurprisingly, Singer is painfully principled (“Ultimately, I don't think my [minimal] indulgences can be justified. I know that I'm very far from being a saint. I should spend less on myself and give away more of what I earn. Of course, I give much more than most. But I know that that isn't the right standard. As for deciding how much is enough, I just do a little better each year”) and pragmatic (“I'm a pragmatist: whatever works”), but we’re pretty sure most of you will be willing to overlook such character flaws if only for the singular reason that Singer steps into the ring with Carney, Muhammad Yunis-style.

Winners and losers: Tallying a year of outsize successes and bitter disappointments (Bloomberg News via IHT)
“Where there’s a loser, there’s a winner,” is what our psychologically-damaging-to-an-11-year-old tennis coach used to tell us. But you know what? He was right. When somebody loses, somebody else wins. He was also right about the fact that there’s nothing wrong with seeking approval even if it brings one to the brink of a nervous breakdown, if it brings perceived satisfaction to those from whom we are seeking it. Maybe if Yahoo! had done a little more seeking and a little less sinking, it wouldn’t be watching YouTube get a pat on the back from Bloomberg on the other side of the court. We mean net. Internet. Why won't you love me?!

Biz-y day at some N.Y. shops (NYDN)
Having beat the dead horse that is the old “we’re out of ice” trick a few too many times, but still desperate to get out the house, consumers took to the streets and racked up nearly $16.2 billion in sales over the weekend. Too little, too late, however, for the economy’s sake, as sales are predicted to be up less than 5% nationally this holiday, the slowest pace since 2002.

New Year in Detroit (Forbes)
Jonathan Fahey’s tips for GM, Ford and Chrysler. Hint: turn a profit.

*like the hula girls? Don’t even try and act like you’re not psyched for those bad boys.

DealBreaker will be on a reduced publishing schedule this week. We'll be doing once-a-day news wrap-ups and the DealBreaker trifecta, Bess, Joe and Carney will return on January 2nd.

Happy Holidays from everyone at Dead Horse Media.

$$$The Holiday Emergency List [Banker's Ball]

$$$"I collect stamps, coins, and stones. And i have 6 cats...You should e-mail me." [Craigslist]

$$$ How to get an A on your 13-D. [Long or Short Capital]

"HOO-AH!!!" [copyranter]

DealBreaker spent some time with LX.TV up at the World Bar at the Trump World Tower.

The race to be Ron Perelman's fifth wife is still on, but Anna looks to be well in the lead.

Ronald Perelman is back with blond psychiatrist Anna Chapman, but there's another blonde on the scene. The Revlon billionaire had lunch Tuesday at Fred's with Elisabeth Roehm , who played the hot prosecutor in "Law & Order" a few seasons back and dated MSNBC's Dan Abrams. As much as Perelman enjoyed lunch, he is said to be very happily spending the holidays on his yacht in St. Barts with the brainy Chapman.

It might be hard to remember, but there was a time when James Cayne, the chief executive of Bear Stearns, enjoyed one of the biggest compensation packages on Wall Street. These days he barely qualifies for the finalist round, coming in with barely $34 million in total compensation. It's a wonder the man can make ends meet.

Bear Stearns Chief Gets $14.8 Million Stock Bonus [New York Times]

Ouch. So that's what "unlimited upside risk" means.

It never pays to bet against Santa Claus, especially around Christmas.

The same could be said, for that matter, for retail legend Mickey Drexler, too.

Hordes of investors lost their shirts by gambling that the stock price of Drexler's embattled casual-clothes chain J. Crew would tumble in his uphill battle to boost its sagging business.

The gloom-and-doom betting came from so-called "short sellers" who borrow shares and cash them out. When the stock falls, the shorts use their proceeds to buy new shares at an even lower price and then pocket the difference.

The stock was one of the most heavily shorted issues ahead of the holiday season, with one of every four shares traded in recent weeks in a short-seller play.

But the strategy blew up in the past several days when J. Crew said cash flows from the busy holiday soared to an eight-year high in Drexler's surprise turnaround.

Gawker reveals a help wanted ad for the hedge fund manager who has everything, except the time to raise hir or her own children.

A managing partner of a rapidly expanding $4 billion hedge fund (a multi-strategy credit opportunity fund that specializes in credit analysis and credit-related investments) located in Southern Fairfield County, CT is seeking an extremely organized, time efficient Personal Assistant/Executive Assistant who can take charge of the day-to-day functioning of the family and home office.

In addition to thriving in a business setting, the Personal Assistant must also enjoy working with children. You would work in the hedge fund office and also in the Managing Partner's home--both located in Southern Fairfield County, CT. Overall, the Managing Partner is seeking someone who feels intense ownership of the people she is supporting--and views herself as a professional who eagerly goes the extra mile.

The Totally Outsourced Hedge Fund Manager [Gawker]

$$$Mark Cuban thinks Donald Trump is a "chump." [Blog Maverick]

$$$A Home for Wall Streeters (Who Appreciate Beaver) [Banker's Ball]

$$$The Mad Money Mensch [Business Week]

$$$The Totally Outsourced Hedge Fund Manager [Gawker]

Normally, we try not to focus too much on the lives of journalists. But since we kind of made the "poverty of journalists" part of the bonus story with our quote in AM New York, we'll stretch our editorial scope a bit further in that direction in order to provide a bit of evidence to back up our claims.

Also, because his email is the "Email of the Day" (but, see our policy on these "of the day" features.)

To give you any idea of how totally crappy most journalists' Christmas bonuses are, if they even get one:

I was the business desk (editor, reporter, page designer) at a small chain-owned 30K daily. Christmas comes around and the company gives us certificates for $25 turkeys at the local grocery store. WTF am I going to do with $10/turkey, much less $25/turkey, I'm a single guy and if I turned the oven on in my bungalow it might blow up, I've never used it. And what really grinds me is that I know it’s a trade-out, meaning it cost management nothing. (For those who don't know: publications often "trade-out" ad space for services and crappy employee gifts.)

So, I before I go out drinking heavily with the copy desk when they get off at midnight, I slide on by the grocery store, because I know all the really ace cashiers work the night shift. Making up some story about how I'm allergic to turkey or something, I convince the cashier to let me swap out the turkey for $25 worth of wine. She noddingly agrees. After all, the certificate says $25, who cares what the $25 is, I can see her reasoning. I encourage this reasoning. I go to the wine section and get three bottles of their best stuff (it was a small community in the South, drinking wine was for Jews, Italians, and Communists), slip her my coupon and meet the night desk at Archie's. I don't share the wine and I don't share the secret (I was already in enough trouble with the powers that be for being at the top of salary scale ($28K, circa 1997) and still bitching about my paycheck.

There: arbitraged a useless piece of paper into 3 bottles of very average wine.

Maybe I should have gone to business school.

Two more notes:
1. Bess may be right that you are probably a douchebag. Bess is wrong on the bonus issue. This year they're up, next year they're Brian Hunter. In any year, we're the happier men. (and women, to include Bess.)

2. With the IM dialogues reprinted, I have now developed a huge crush on Bess. Pass it on

Send your bonus stories to tips(at)dealbreaker(dot)com.

This is the stupiest thing we've read all day.

"I wish I could pass some law restricting bonuses," said Councilman Charles Barron (D-Brooklyn), "or mandate that you have to give some money back to the people who made you rich in the first place."

The councilman called Blankfein's $53.4 million bonus, "capitalist greed at its worst." Goldman Sachs did not return calls for comment Wednesday evening.

This is pretty much tantamount to banning investment banking in NYC. Might as well just order the bankers off to Jersey City.

[Also, yes. This is from the same story we linked to earlier in AM New York. We just didn't notice it because we kept getting caught up in the part that quoted us.]

Big bucks on Wall Street stirs up outrage [AM New York]

ohbabyitsbess: what’s funny is, you said you were going to, and I quote, “choke on my own vomit” if made to write ‘goldman sachs’ or ‘bonus’ one more time. And yet, here you are, writing the shit out of both. You even went so far as to talk to another publication about those two vile weeds, you sick son of a bitch.
jfcarney: I know, I hate me.
ohbabyitsbess: I don’t read dealbreaker much myself, but just so I can quantify the depths of your outright lies and depravity, I went through your posts from this morning and, barring the Fifty Cent Reads The Wall Street Journal ditty (that was actually a pretty funny one, I meant to give you props earlier for that) and Lewinsky’s graduation from LSE (btw, I think you meant to put a picture of a blue dress not a black one, but I got where you were going with that, spermatozoalogically speaking), EVERY OTHER POST WAS ABOUT BONUSES [Editor’s note: at the time of this conversation, every other post was about bonuses. At publication, Carney had since put up a quote from Eddy Elfenbein and one about Merrill Lynch—big freaking whoop]. Why do you do this? WHY?
jfcarney: I don’t know, I’m a textbook sociopath. I get off on self-harm.
ohbabyitsbess: do you wear a hair shirt and engage in flagellation, or are you more a student of the Lohan school of cutting?
jfcarney: listen, underling, I told you yesterday I HAVE PINK EYE AND IT’S HARD TO LOOK AT THE SCREEN. So I had to just go with the grain and write about what was readily available. I don’t see you digging deep and finding out where Lloyd Blankfein flew this week, do I? Even though it would be quite timely of you to do so? No, I don’t. So step off, bitch.
ohbabyitbess: a. I don’t see why you’d bring up something that you know is a very sore subject. b. just because you called me “underling,” I’m going temporarily suspend my fatwa on actively trying to not earn my keep at this company and DELUGE YOU WITH LINKS TO INTERESTING BUSINESS-RELATED NEWS UNRELATED TO GOLDMAN SACHS AND OR BONUSES. That’s right-- deluge. (And then I’m going to throw in some planespottings—that’s right: planespottings).

Stuff tangentially related to Celine Dion’s sold-out concert series at Caesar’s Palace: A Quick Guide to the Major Gambling Stocks

A video of Donald Trump very menacingly threatening to sue Rosie O’Donnell for defamation of character: Trump Rails on Rosie

Evidence of clicking biological clocks in the Times’ business section: When It Comes To a Search for a Spouse, Supply and Demand Is Only the Start; To-Do List: Wrap Gifts. Have Baby.

Quasi-interesting news about private-equity: Apollo Makes Play For Giant Real Estate Concern

Quasi-interesting news about planes: Raytheon to sell aircraft unit for $3.3 billion

Bill Gates: Luis Munoz Marin Int'l to Fort Lauderdale Hollywood Int'l on his Cessna Citation X

Warren Buffett: Palm Beach Int'l to North Eleuthera on his Cessna Citation Excel

John Thain: Teterboro to Savannah Hilton Head Int'l on the NYSE’s Gulfstream IV

Merrill Lynch & Co. Inc. (NYSE: MER) inked a long-term lease extension and expansion in the Colgate Center, at 101 Hudson St. in Jersey City, NJ. The international wealth management firm now occupies 236,350 square feet within the 42-story, Mack-Cali Realty Corp. (NYSE: CLI) office tower.

The 1.24 million-square-foot, Class A building sits in the Hudson Waterfront submarket directly across from Manhattan.

We almost didn't even open the email tipping us off to this because it contained the spamerific words "extension and expansion." Remember, you can send your tips to tips(at)dealbreaker(dot)com. We're really good at keeping your identity secret.

"I watch CNBC in my office with the sound muted. Strangely, even with no sound, I can always understand what Rick Santelli is saying." --Eddy Elbenbein, Crossing Wall Street.

[Editor's Note: Every now and then we like to call a feature "... of the day." You know, like "Deal of the Day" or "Stock of the day." Usually we have every intention of keeping up with this and making it a daily feature. But, to be frank, when we call something a "daily feature" that usually translates into "when we get around to it." But if you have any suggestions for new daily or weekly features, feel free to drop us a line in the comments section below. We're looking to launch some new things in the new year, especially now that we've more or less dropped the Shorter DealBook.]

The Street reports that Coller Capital, a private-equity firm in London, may buy $1 billion in assets from Ritchie Capital's flagship hedge fund. RC announced last week that it would refund 80% of clients' money over the next 2 1/2 years and keep the fund open for at least three, after suffering "unforseen circumstances" (the circumstances apparently being "losing a truckload of money").*

Coller Gets Ritchie [The Street]

Earlier: 'Unforeseen Circumstances' Shutter Ritchie Capital's Multistrategy Global Fund

*Like you'd be so above recycling a joke you'd previously used that wasn't even that well-crafted in the first place, if the mood struck you? You would be above that? So I'm alone here? Whatevs. Just let me have this one thing.

Noel Sheppard at the Business & Media Institute runs through a long list of media outlets running envy-evoking boom year bonus stories. The worst offenders: NBC, the Washington Post, and the Boston Globe, according to Sheppard.

Evoking envy is certainly not a new affectation for the media. In fact, the class warfare card is regularly played throughout the year. However, this Christmas journalists have displayed Ebenezer Scrooge-like disgust, finding it unimaginable that people should be paid large bonuses.

The worst offender was certainly NBC. On the December 16 “Nightly News,” anchor John Seigenthaler drearily stated: “Most U.S. businesses – 66 percent – give no bonuses at all. Those employees lucky enough to receive a cash gift will get an average of $837. Compare that to the bonuses Goldman Sachs gives out, a jackpot so big they could give every employee more than $600,000.”

Mike Taibbi’s report followed, and he later expanded on the divide between rich and poor: "But to many, today's version of the haves and have-nots feels different. In the boom of the Clinton years – and I'm talking a chronological, not a political distinction – the rising tide of that bull market truly did lift all boats, or at least a whole lot more of them."

Perhaps more interesting, Sheppard points out that the dominant angle was very different seven years ago. In 1999, the media seemed to celebrate the big bonuses. So what happened?

Media Scrooges: 'Bah, Humbug' To Wall Street's Christmas Bonuses [Business & Media Institute]

If your office is anywhere near the financial district, prepare to be inconvenienced by the incursion of New York City’s still-imitating-the fiction-of Tom-Wolfe racial politics at noon today, when the moveable Sean Bell protest hits Wall Street.

After thousands of protesters filled the city's famous Fifth Avenue, activists angry about a fatal police shooting have turned their focus to the financial district.

Protesters were set to gather at noon Thursday at the corner of Liberty and Nassau streets. Organizers were calling for the resignation of Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly and the prosecution of officers involved in last month's shooting of Sean Bell. Bell, 23, who was unarmed, died in a barrage of 50 police bullets on his wedding day.

"No more business as usual," Omowale Clay, a spokesman for the organizers, said in a release.

Sean Bell protesters to rally in financial district [Associated Press via AM New York]

We spoke to AM New York's Justin Rocket Silverman yesterday about what fuels the media's bonus backlash. You can find the story in the hands of people who lurk just outside your subway station. Our contribution:

In New York City alone, securities employees will earn almost $24 billion in bonuses this year. Those bonuses are being condemned in the press, including editorial cartoons depicting Wall Street bankers as common criminals.

"One of the reasons there has been so much negative press is that journalists are obsessed with their own poverty," said John Carney, editor of financial blog dealbreaker.com.

"Three hundred days a year they are happier than investment bankers. But when bonus season rolls around the journalists realize there is a price to pay for their career decisions. The highest paid editor at The New York Times makes less than what the lowest paid analyst at Goldman Sachs makes."

Carney pointed out that the press and the public tend to be more shocked by Wall Street bonuses because unlike high-paid athletes, little is generally known about how investment banking actually works.

Big bucks on Wall Street stirs up outrage [AM New York]

The English have a strange thing for Monica Lewinsky, and vice-versa. Maybe it's just that they've got their own sex scandals to worry about, scandals involving genuine royals, and can't be bothered to worry about whether the president of the United States was messing around with a White House interns. We actually ran into Monica in Oxford once, back when she was touring around with her memoirwriting Brit ghost writer. Seemed nice enough, if not terribly bright.

Well, she just got a degree from the LSE:

Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, whose sexual relationship with U.S. President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment, has graduated from the London School of Economics, her publicist said on Wednesday.

Lewinsky, who was 21 when she became involved with Clinton, is interviewing for jobs in Britain, publicist Barbara Hutson said.

When Lewinsky, 32, received her Masters of Science degree in Social Psychology last Thursday "the audience of students and parents erupted in spontaneous applause. ... It was a very emotional moment for her," Hutson said in a statement.

Hutson said Lewinsky spent the past year studying and "staying away from the London social scene."

Lewinsky graduates from London School of Economics [Reuters]

via our boys at Complex.

Thompson Financial published the M&A league tables yesterday, just on the heels of the bonus mania for the past couple of weeks. Outsiders may not appreciate just how seriously the investment banks take these rankings. Seriously enough to ignite a vicious fight and engage in all sorts of chicanery in an attempt to get big deals counted toward their ranking.

From the New York Post:

A squabble is erupting among the giant Wall Street banks over which one should rightfully hold the No. 1 spot in their league of deal-making this year.

Just as the formal rankings were revealed yesterday by data outfit Thomson Financial, putting Goldman Sachs on top with nearly $1.049 trillion in deals - just barely ahead of Citigroup's $1.021 trillion - officials at Citigroup were said to have contacted Thomson by letter to cry foul.

Citigroup complained that the rankings failed to include a major piece of a Citigroup deal in Europe involving Statoil ASA's $30 billion acquisition of Norsk Hydro ASA's energy assets.

That particular piece of the Hydro deal, combined with other possible uncounted advisory fees, could likely boost Citigroup past Goldman Sachs for the top spot, according to a report in the Financial Times.

Deals & More Deals [New York Post]

Sponsored by Bloomberg.com

FedEx 2Q Profit Up, Share Price Falters (Forbes)
So goes FedEx so goes the nation. That's the saying right? So revered is FedEx as the ultimate bellwether for the US economy, that apparently top economists and fed governors like to consult with FedEx management about the trends they're seeing. You know, it never hurts to get a little more real-time data to slip into the latest beige book. And it make sense. The company isn't just a proxy for what consumers buy, it's basically the logistical glue that holds many companies together, which you know if you've ever worked in an office that revolves around the hourly visits from the FedEx guy. So, the company says its latest profits are up, but that its outlook is tempered by weakness in the US economy. Scary stuff, much more so than any inflation report.

IBM Ends Director Stock Options, Spotlighting Popular Perk's Decline (WSJ)
All those backdating directors seem to have ruined it for everyone else. IBM has announced that directors will no longer receiver pay in stock options, but will be paid a flat $200,000 a year salary. It really is amazing how radically the consensus seems to shift on corporate governance issues. For awhile, it was thought that without options, there was no way for directors to have an incentive for companies to succeed. Now the incentive is, if the company doesn't succeed, shareholders are gonna sue your ass. That's actually a good motivator.

EU investigation grounds Ryanair bid (The Guardian)
One day before its bid to acquire Aer Lingus was to expire, the EU announced an investigation into the offer, which means that this round is all but officially dead. It's not clear what exactly the EU wants to check out, but you know they like to investigate things, just in case. Ryan Air promises to launch another bid as soon as the investigation winds up, which should be in 5 months.

The Cautious U.S. Boom in Oil Shale (NYT)
...and every six months or so, newspapers have to do an article about shale, wondering whether it's the next big thing. Well, Canadian oil sands are still the next big thing, but shale can't be far behind. Apparently, there's some new technology to make it marginally cheaper to refine. Next...

$$$Nouveaux Hedgie Riche Make the Just Wealthy Feel Bad. But Who Are They Really? [Banker's Ball]

$$$Relationship exchange rates. [Long or Short Capital]

$$$Going Private takes out her red pen. [GP]

The New York Post reports on yesterday's NYSE trading floor brawl:

Veteran floor trader Bob Tomasulo, a 57-year-old grandfather, was assaulted and barraged with obscenities in front of stunned co-workers after kidding with Stephen Mara about the Giants' embarrassing 36-22 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday, witnesses and Tomasulo told The Post.

"Mara started screaming, 'I'm gonna f- - -ing kill you! Don't f- - - around with my family! Don't insult my family!' " one broker said.

"Bob was like, 'Hey, what is your problem? It's just a game!' And Mara yells, 'No, it's not just a game, it's my f- - -ing family!' "

Fighting on the floor: it's not just for basketball players anymore.

Giants' Revenge on Brawl St [New York Post]

ohbabyitsbess: if I have to write ‘goldman sachs’ or ‘bonus’ one more time I’m going to kindly ask you to run a sharp object across my throat.
jfcarney: I was just going to say that. except I was going to say “if I have to write ‘goldman sachs’ or ‘bonus’ one more time im going to choke on my own vomit.”
ohbabyitsbess: same sentiment, different accoutrement.
ohbabyitsbess: make something else happen that we can post about.
jfcarney: I’m trying
ohbabyitsbess: try harder
jfcarney: lay off me, I’ve got pink eye, it’s hard to look at the screen for too long
ohbabyitsbess: pink eye, pink eye. Is that what you're calling your hangover these days? You may be on to something there—can you think of a business angle for that?
jfcarney: I’ll work on it

That conversation occurred over an hour ago. In that time, we’ve received 12 emails pointing us to articles about bonuses and Goldman Sachs, described by senders as being “new” (lie), “interesting” (lie), and “provocative” (LIE!). I was about to have to go and collect some of the pieces of broken glass on the sidewalk outside our office and John was on the brink of seeing this afternoon’s lunch again. And Subway doesn’t tend to look as pretty the second time. Then, a vision! AS IF FROM GOD. A mêlée the likes of which we could only hope to see in our wildest dreams—a brouhaha between the Times’ DealBook and the oft-linked-to-in-Write-Offs Long or Short Capital, per the similarities (of which LSC’s “Drinky McDiligence” thinks there are many) and differences (of which the DealBookies think there are more), between hedge funds and love. The roots of this catfight seem to date back to a post by Mr. McDiligence, in which he called DealBook out for referencing a line from “All My Children,” wherein “Ryan” tells “Kendall,” “Love isn’t like a hedge fund, you know?”, a springboard from which the DB scribe offered, “For the sake of lovers everywhere, let us hope not.” On LSC, McDiligence wrote, “Obviously, the writers have no idea what a hedge fund is. In reality, love is exactly like a hedge fund.” BURN.

Not about to be the only ones on the online financial commentary block without their claws hanging out, today, DealBook responded.

Mr. McDiligence even includes a graph, whose shape would be familiar to any securities analyst, suggesting that a pre-nuptial agreement can work like a “put” option for the wary husband- or bride-to-be. “It floors your downside, and there is unlimited upside,” the post reads. “If the love falters or a better substitute arrives, you can walk away with no marginal pain.” We are left wondering whether there is a Mrs. McDiligence.

You can’t buy that kind of satisfaction.

Love and Marriage, Hedge-Fund Style [DealBook]
Hedge Funds and Love [Long or Short Capital]

That’s a big Yes, according to Kenneth Starr (yes, that Ken Starr). We’ll leave it to others to discuss the legal reasoning behind Starr’s argument. Something to do with the method by which the members of the all-powerful Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) are appointed. What’s really interesting, as Larry Ribstein points out, is that SOX was written so sloppily that it doesn’t contain a constitutional savings clause—a section of the law that says if one part is struck down, the rest of it can remain in force. In other words, if the PCAOB portion of SOX goes, so goes the whole thing.

A Verdict on Sarbanes-Oxley: Unconstitutional [Walll Street Journal]