Bess Levin left DealBreaker HQ early tonight. Something about a doctor and the vague implication that the “illness” that kept her out of the office for a week last month might be returning. As we prepared to lock-up, we discovered that she had left her computer turned on. This happens a lot. What made this unusual was that she had left an IM chat window open. A chat with her friends Muffie and Equity Private.

Sorry, Bess. It’s probably wrong to share this with our readers. But actions have consequences and with great power comes great responsibility. Next time you leave early, we want to see a note from that doctor of yours.

"ohbabyitsbess" joined the chat
4:23:34 PM ohbabyitsbess: Hey Muffs
4:23:49 PM muffiehbs05: Hey Bessy!
4:24:08 PM muffiehbs05: Where's the london girl?
4:24:14 PM ohbabyitsbess: i don't know i was just going to say
4:24:28 PM ohbabyitsbess: i love that top on you
4:24:28 PM muffiehbs05: She is always late.
4:24:36 PM ohbabyitsbess: typical
4:24:39 PM muffiehbs05: Do you? Actually, don't tell anyone but it was a gift.
4:24:47 PM ohbabyitsbess: from...HIM?
4:24:53 PM muffiehbs05: Kinda makes me feel like I had a boob job.
4:25:16 PM muffiehbs05: Nooo! He won't do gifts. His wife combs his credit card statements with an auditor.
4:25:19 PM ohbabyitsbess: looks good though, carney would probably like it
4:25:22 PM ohbabyitsbess: hah
4:25:25 PM muffiehbs05: Carney is gross.

"equityprivate" joined the chat

4:27:17 PM ohbabyitsbess: speaking of carney
4:27:21 PM ohbabyitsbess: looks who decided to show up
4:27:38 PM equityprivate: Bess. Muffie.
4:27:51 PM ohbabyitsbess: you look sheepish, ep

4:28:07 PM equityprivate: Its been a long day. Lot of work.
4:28:39 PM ohbabyitsbess: yeah, what's w/ that?
4:28:53 PM equityprivate: Trying to save a transaction. It's a long story.
4:29:08 PM ohbabyitsbess: muffie, do you know what that means?
4:29:10 PM muffiehbs05: They don't want to sell or?
4:29:28 PM equityprivate: It's a debt issue, actually.
4:29:39 PM ohbabyitsbess: huh
4:29:53 PM ohbabyitsbess: you know who you should talk to about that?
4:29:59 PM muffiehbs05: Well just go take out the bank people or something. It's Thursday night. Go to Cain.
4:30:07 PM equityprivate: Who, Bess?
4:30:17 PM ohbabyitsbess: dealbook man candy ars
4:30:34 PM muffiehbs05: I hate DealBook.
4:30:47 PM ohbabyitsbess: why muffski

4:30:49 PM muffiehbs05: That Sore-kin guy gives me the creeps.
4:30:54 PM ohbabyitsbess: Sorkin and Dealbook turned that RAG around
4:31:10 PM equityprivate: Muffie, you are a class act.
4:31:13 PM ohbabyitsbess: you're just anti-Semitic
4:31:18 PM equityprivate: I just told her that.
4:31:33 PM muffiehbs05: No I am not. Besides, you don't see him hanging out at the Harvard Club. 4:31:45 PM ohbabyitsbess: they let cornell grads in there?
4:31:55 PM muffiehbs05: No, that's the POINT of the Harvard Club.

4:32:15 PM equityprivate: Hold on, phone.
4:32:22 PM muffiehbs05: Speaking of which, are we getting together or?
4:32:25 PM ohbabyitsbess: whatever, he just won a Webby, and, really, you should branch out, considering your line of business
4:32:27 PM muffiehbs05: A Webby! That makes me positively mmoooiiissst.
4:32:29 PM ohbabyitsbess: i'm down
4:32:33 PM ohbabyitsbess: i don't know if we can convince ep
4:32:54 PM muffiehbs05: Tell her Dan Loeb will be there.
4:32:55 PM ohbabyitsbess: i told carney i'd be taking off early for a doctor's appt and he bought it
4:32:58 PM ohbabyitsbess: hah
4:33:12 PM muffiehbs05: I'm going to "rehab classes," whatever those are!
4:33:16 PM ohbabyitsbess: muffs
4:33:27 PM muffiehbs05: I swear, since the car incident I never have to do any work!
4:33:28 PM ohbabyitsbess: be honest-- dan loeb?
4:33:33 PM muffiehbs05: She loves Dan Loeb!
4:33:36 PM ohbabyitsbess: i smell him on you
4:33:39 PM ohbabyitsbess: yeah she does
4:33:44 PM ohbabyitsbess: i don't really blame he
4:33:44 PM ohbabyitsbess: r
4:33:46 PM equityprivate: I do not love Dan Loeb.
4:33:50 PM ohbabyitsbess: although, he's no philip goldstein
4:33:58 PM equityprivate: Sir Philip to you.
4:34:14 PM muffiehbs05: So, EP, coming to the Harvard Club?

4:34:29 PM ohbabyitsbess: did you read (on this great website, dealbreaker.com) about how PG told a bunch of directors "you mother fuckers aren't going to get away with this?"
4:34:32 PM ohbabyitsbess: love him
4:36:00 PM equityprivate: I hate the Harvard Club. The downstairs room looks like a slightly fancy irish pub. Those old wooden tables drive me crazy.
4:36:10 PM equityprivate: Plus I have way too much to do.
4:36:35 PM muffiehbs05: Kissy face with the debt people hmmm?
4:37:06 PM ohbabyitsbess: ep, unlike Big M, i get the work thing but seriously, we haven't seen you in decades, not since that weekend in Amagansett
4:37:30 PM ohbabyitsbess: and since we haven't seen you we know no one else has and that can't be good for business, so to speak
4:37:36 PM equityprivate: That weekend is the REASON you haven't seen me in decades.
4:37:41 PM ohbabyitsbess: what???
4:37:46 PM ohbabyitsbess: you had fun
4:37:56 PM muffiehbs05: You might have to define "fun" for her more directly.
4:38:01 PM ohbabyitsbess: and nothing was carried to term
4:38:08 PM ohbabyitsbess: i still don't see what the big deal was
4:38:12 PM equityprivate: Oh, fuck off Muffster.
4:38:32 PM equityprivate: I never got that stain out of my dress.
4:38:49 PM ohbabyitsbess: DL bought you a new one

4:38:51 PM ohbabyitsbess: ANYWAY
4:38:52 PM ohbabyitsbess: tonight
4:38:54 PM equityprivate: Look, let's go somewhere else.
4:39:01 PM ohbabyitsbess: fine, where
4:39:10 PM muffiehbs05: So you are going!
4:39:11 PM ohbabyitsbess: and not someplace near your office so you cut and run
4:39:13 PM ohbabyitsbess: yes!
4:39:30 PM equityprivate: I really don't want to walk all over creation.
4:39:36 PM ohbabyitsbess: and let's decide soon, muffski and i have been pre-gaming for a while
4:39:36 PM muffiehbs05: She wants to cut and run!
4:39:53 PM equityprivate: Wait, Muffie, aren't you still at the office?
4:40:05 PM muffiehbs05: So? I can pregame here if I want to!
4:40:11 PM ohbabyitsbess: yeah
4:40:32 PM equityprivate: If you are so in love with university clubs why not go to the Amhurst club or something, Bess you are a member, right?
4:40:37 PM ohbabyitsbess: and john doesn't let us in the office unless we've met certain blood alc levels 4:40:41 PM ohbabyitsbess: wow
4:40:50 PM ohbabyitsbess: you're such a bitch when you're at work
4:40:52 PM ohbabyitsbess: ep
4:40:53 PM muffiehbs05: What's John's policy on the white stuff?
4:41:11 PM ohbabyitsbess: he feels good about it

4:41:12 PM equityprivate: Look I've had a rough few weeks.
4:41:22 PM ohbabyitsbess: fine but you know that was a low blow
4:41:24 PM equityprivate: Bess, you decide.
4:41:29 PM equityprivate: I was trying to be serious!
4:41:46 PM muffiehbs05: No Cornell grads!
4:41:57 PM ohbabyitsbess: read: no jews
4:42:02 PM ohbabyitsbess: i'm thinking
4:42:06 PM muffiehbs05: I didn't sssaaayyy that!
4:42:33 PM ohbabyitsbess: extra letters—that’s telling (Himler)
4:43:27 PM ohbabyitsbess: (we haven't forgotten about your little show at my Chanukah pary last year)
4:43:32 PM muffiehbs05: She's stressed, poor thing. She always does that when she's stressed.

4:43:43 PM ohbabyitsbess: maybe we should go to a spa
4:43:45 PM muffiehbs05: She needs a massage.
4:43:47 PM muffiehbs05: Definately!
4:43:50 PM ohbabyitsbess: we always have a good time in the steam room, too
4:44:01 PM muffiehbs05: You promised not to talk about that Bessy!
4:44:08 PM ohbabyitsbess: hehe
4:44:20 PM equityprivate: I really don't want to know. And where are we going to spa on a thursday evening?
4:44:34 PM ohbabyitsbess: but it's so hard to get "that's not my toe" out of my head
4:44:37 PM ohbabyitsbess: why not, ep
4:44:47 PM ohbabyitsbess: what about...
4:44:49 PM ohbabyitsbess: hmmm...
4:44:52 PM ohbabyitsbess: peninusula?
4:44:54 PM ohbabyitsbess: muffie?
4:44:56 PM muffiehbs05: YES!
4:44:56 PM ohbabyitsbess: chime in?
4:45:06 PM equityprivate: How late do they do treatments?
4:45:43 PM muffiehbs05: I'll call the Centurion concierge! They'll keep it open for us I'm sure! I'll say its a bridal shower or something. They always bend for those.
4:45:52 PM equityprivate: Sort of defeats the purpose of going for drinks, no?
4:46:02 PM muffiehbs05: That's absurd. I'll bring Richard's shaker.
4:46:12 PM equityprivate: Shaker?
4:46:18 PM muffiehbs05: Yeah, he's got the sterling silver one from Tiffany's. I'll do Cosomos for us.
4:46:19 PM ohbabyitsbess: the black card! finally, daddy's coming in handy
4:46:30 PM muffiehbs05: You weren't so iffy about him when he bailed you out Bessy!
4:46:47 PM equityprivate: Bailed out?
4:48:04 PM ohbabyitsbess: i don't want to TALK about it