Mergin’ good in the neighborhood – Ihopplebees in the works
Analysts remain skeptical, and scared, over yesterday’s announcement that IHOP offered $2bn for Applebees. Some analyst comments:
“The merger will never go through for antitrust reasons. The resulting chain would be too American, and therefore subject to a host of patent violations."
"A combination of IHOP and Applebees would be an unstoppable force in the American suburb. People wouldn't leave, and the branches would develop into self-sufficient communities like the Arcologies in SimCity 2000 or the Bio-Dome invented by Pauly Shore or your average Wal Mart Super Center.”
“If you thought soccer moms were dangerous now or that ratings of Two and a Half Men were artificially inflated, just wait until IHOP buys Applebees. I don’t think the result will be a society any of us want to live in.”
“The last thing your inspirational high school indoor track assistant coach needs is a stack of pancakes to soak up his tears after learning that his picture made the restaurant wall. That’s what a $16 barrel of oriental chicken salad is for.”
“America is not ready for a Pancake and Riblet Platter.”
Aside from anti-trust and national security reasons, analysts are concerned that Ihopplebees will have operational issues. The two chains have different business models, with Applebees the more active restaurant operator. IHOP is a franchisor of all but 10 of its 1,306 locations while Applebees owns 500 of its 1,900 locations.
Applebees has been up for grabs since February after years of crap performance. IHOP is quite sick of its penchant for flapjackery and has been trying to buy another restaurant chain for years. IHOP hasn’t made any moves yet mostly due to PE firms and nutty target valuations.
Both chains are experiencing plunging profits on growing or flat sales. IHOP skipped 10% in reverse in Q1 on 2% revenue growth and Applebees reported a 65% profit plunge on flat sales.
Reported bid for Applebee's spurs skepticism [Los Angeles Times]
Comments
Thanks for giving a shout out to Two and a Half Men, an awesome show.
Posted by: anonymous | June 14, 2007 11:51 AM
I can't think of a more unappetizing combination than IHOP and Applebees.
Then again, from a restauranteur's standpoint, this makes perfect sense as now the combined IHOP-Applebee's entity - which formerly had to compete for the same, crappy grade-D foodstuffs - will now have pricing power over the seediest lard suppliers in town.
Posted by: Chris G. | June 14, 2007 12:07 PM
A IHOP DOWJONES MERGER SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: SDH | June 14, 2007 12:10 PM
Used to work for Crapplebees...as a waiter and in the kitchen sometimes...once undercooked the chicken (that ish was more raw than BSD's bunghole) for the Buffalo Chix Salad...Manager wanted to get it out...just had me douse it in Buffalo Sauce so the customer couldn't see the pink...and served it...This manager left after a busted-ugly waitress he was having an affair with tried to kill herself...twice. This merger is like a White-trash wedding in a trailer park.
Posted by: LexSteelz | June 14, 2007 12:35 PM
Very disappointing news. The same belt-busting menu combos (think nacho cheese covered pancakes) could have been created through a merger with TGI-Fridays. And that merger would give us such wonderful name options as IHOPTGIF and Thank Goodness it's Pancakes.
Posted by: MG | June 14, 2007 12:38 PM
Can they combine all into TGI McRuby Outback ChilHOPabee's?
Posted by: just the beginning | June 14, 2007 01:05 PM
Why do so many proposed mergers involve roping two dodos together and trying to create an eagle? I thought we stopped using the word "synergies" without irony back around 1999.
If two companies are both flailing on their own, slapping them together will only double the comedy.
I'm pretty sure iHopplebees is already an Apple trademark...
Posted by: Lee D | June 14, 2007 01:22 PM
Go to McDonald's. Order one McRib and one McGriddle. Combine the two.
Okay? Now tell me this merger won't be a success!
Posted by: To The Hilt | June 14, 2007 01:48 PM
I work for applebees, This would be a glorified Denny's. Except much more messed up. Yea can I get me a side of bbq covered slap jacks and some steak. Mmm, yeap thats me trailer i live it it follows me 1974 ford pickup where ever I go. And also can I get a beer?
Posted by: Apple B*tch | June 14, 2007 02:25 PM
I work for applebees, This would be a glorified Denny's. Except much more messed up. Yea can I get me a side of bbq covered slap jacks and some steak. Mmm, yeap thats me trailer i live it it follows me 1974 ford pickup where ever I go. And also can I get a beer?
Posted by: Apple B*tch | June 14, 2007 02:25 PM
I work for applebees, This would be a glorified Denny's. Except much more messed up. Yea can I get me a side of bbq covered slap jacks and some steak. Mmm, yeap thats me trailer i live it it follows me 1974 ford pickup where ever I go. And also can I get a beer?
Actually applebees stinks thiscould be a great thing.
Posted by: Apple B*tch | June 14, 2007 02:28 PM
What do the analysts at the venerable firm of Joseph Morgan think of this?
Posted by: KJ | June 14, 2007 02:34 PM
Sorry about the multiple posts, dumb computer :-(
Posted by: Apple B*tch | June 14, 2007 06:58 PM
I also work for applebees and I only hope that it makes our commercials less lame.
Posted by: Gunn | July 16, 2007 03:42 PM
applebees is the work of the devil. if ihop gives them a penny i will take is as a sign that they are in a partnership with the terrorists.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 25, 2007 03:16 PM