Zachary Michaelson Speaks

Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 21, 2007, 12:46pm

Zachary Michaelson.jpgAleksey-Lite, whose employment at Fortress Investment Group is up for debate (sources at the firm claim he doesn’t work there, Michaelson says they’re bluffing) told the Post today, "As I'm sure you know, blogs are full of rumors. . . . It's all just untrue."

As we're sure you know, we imagine the ellipses in that quote displace the moment in the conversation when Michaelson asked the Post reporter “can you hang on a sec?” put his hand over the receiver and screamed “I’m in the middle of something!” to the burgeoning line of patrons outside his Mr. Softee truck.

After the jump, a flow chart for how Michaelson should address press inquiries regarding Fortress in the future:

is_it_fucked.png
[via Boing Boing]

Earlier: This Man Does Not Work At Fortress: Sources Say 'Thirty Under Thirty' Trader Is No Longer With FIG

Trader's Rise & Fall [New York Post]

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Posted in: Hedge Funds, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Comments

Posted by mini ballerette., Aug 21, 2007 1:05PM

genius

Posted by JT, Aug 21, 2007 1:28PM

Pretty sure you stole that chart from my firm

Posted by ANON, Aug 21, 2007 1:44PM

to quote George Carlin... "would someone put a dick in that guy's mouth?"

Posted by Lord Browne, Aug 21, 2007 2:11PM

George, I volunteer mine!

Posted by not@fig, Aug 21, 2007 2:18PM

he's still a douchebag

Posted by yah huh, Aug 21, 2007 2:53PM

He's still employed? At Fortress? DOUBTFUL. And his saying so doesn't make it so. The only work he'll be doing is at a glory hole in Port Authority.

He's a PR nightmare. Employing him -- hell, associating with him -- is like touching poop: It leaves a nasty stain.

Posted by , Aug 21, 2007 2:56PM

i watched the interview - they never posted a graphic that said he worked at fortress, and the questions were very softball - i think he was probably the only guy they could get on tv from the article, and didnt bother to factcheck. sue hererra said "our friends at trader magazine", which would lead me to believe they basically had a puff piece set up a while ago. cnbc is not journalism, other than faber or gasparino - everyone there is a cheerleader - witness maria's shrieks whenever the dow hits a milestone, and how she is on suicide watch when the market falls....

Posted by , Aug 21, 2007 3:04PM

Yea, this guy screams, SCREAMS equities in Dallas

Posted by jman, Aug 21, 2007 3:14PM

Hes a tool, on Bberg he has no firm next to his name. Another Tim Sykes like piker

Posted by not@fig, Aug 21, 2007 3:41PM

To: Anonymous 03:04 PM

Good reference from Liar's Poker!

Posted by bubu, Aug 21, 2007 3:48PM

his name shows up in bloomberg as a "former" barclays employee, no mention of FIG

Posted by de Cosmos, Aug 21, 2007 3:59PM

I still think he is sporting wood in that pic.

Posted by TheUnrepentantGunner, Aug 21, 2007 4:31PM

Some people were born to be customers.

Posted by Emir, Aug 21, 2007 7:03PM

You guys want to ride bikes!???

Posted by , Aug 21, 2007 10:12PM

which frat was he in

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 2:45AM

FIG's quant traders got caught in a downturn and he was laid off. I'm sure there were others. Everything in finance is like that. CNBC might have helped to conceal the layoff, but what he says on CNBC is reasonable and spoken like this is what he does for a living.

Posted by Young H-O, Aug 22, 2007 9:39AM

Esteemed MOTUs:

Trader Monthly is presently accepting candidates for our next cover feature, "Fifty Under Fifty"- a video profile on the CEC (Chief Executive Cougars) who hired TMs prior cover series, "Thirty Under Thirty: a Love Story". Please submit two 8x10s glossies to chansen@nbcdateline.com. Applications submitted after 8/24/07 12PM or that contain explicit FFN will not be considered. Thank you. BOUCHE!

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 9:58AM

Why would FIG lay off such a superstar? Seems that the world's top trader under thirty would be the last to get laid off.

Posted by get a clue, Aug 22, 2007 12:18PM

Anonymous: You say "what he says on CNBC is reasonable".

No. It is NOT. If you knew anything about correlation, volatility, or eigenvalues/principal components, you would realize instantly that this guy is a fraud.

I could go on and on about the weaknesses of PCA for time series work; the problems it has on (non-normal) log-returns; how ICA doesn't even solve the problem; how this is all shit when the market undergoes a structural change; how correlation is just a basic linear measure and misses interactions or non-linear behavior; how his method (concoct story, then select data to reaffirm story) is flawed; and, how anyone good would know the weaknesses of their models. But that's all beside the point -- because ZM didn't even understand the basics.

So don't whine here about how the guy knows what he's doing. Just admit that you love Zach regardless of the facts. Then get down on your knees and swallow his only liquid assets.

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 12:27PM

i'd do him

Posted by The Mayor, Aug 22, 2007 1:36PM

As a former fraternity "brother" of Michaelson, I can say with relative certainty that I wouldn't trust this guy to wash my car, let alone manage my investment portfolio.

The guy was a pariah in college and now it would seem as though he's obtained the same status on Wall Street. Karma's a beotch, eh Zach?

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 3:13PM

Blah blah blah....Eigen values....blah....correlation....blah....volatility....correlation.......volatility.....correlation.

Don't I sound smart, can someone please put me on cnbc?

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 3:18PM

what a phony this guy is. i used to sit at a desk fairly close to this guy at barcap, and everyone on the trading floor hated his guts. the guy was full of shit and pretended to know what he was doing. when he was there, he was losing so much money that every trade he put on was losing money, so he pretty much had to stop trading b/c all his trades would just lose more money. of course pretty soon after that, he was fired.

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 3:28PM

Wow, Barclays and Fortress must both be RETARDED to fire the best trader under 30.

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 3:43PM

I think it is more like Trader Monthly must be RETARDED to put such a fake on its best trader list. Tell me what his P&L was for Barclays and Fortress before even mentioning that he is a good trader.

Posted by get a clue, Aug 22, 2007 5:09PM

Anonymous@3:13: What you said was enough to get on CNBC *and* the cover of Trader. Hell, II will probably name you 'King of the Hedgies'. Then Bear will offer you a job as head of 'research' -- which would be a step up for them. Then again, Zach may be blowing Jimmy Cayne for that job right now -- which might be a step up for them.

Posted by , Aug 22, 2007 5:29PM

for some perverse reason i just can't get sick of riduculing this douschebag.

Posted by Cramer!, Aug 22, 2007 5:40PM

Between Michaelson's sideburns and Cramer's facial hair, they make a great gay bear couple. I mean, look at that picture: Cramer's hairy azz would fit perfectly on Zach's face. "Mutual Milking! Michaelson and me! On Mad Money!"

Posted by Former Fraternity Brother, Sep 10, 2007 1:54PM

Usually I hate kicking someone when he's down, but this guy completely deserves all the crap he's getting. He is so full of bullshit that he almost believes it himself. The story about leaving before getting voted out of the fraternity is true, as are the stories of his failing out of PhD classes and arguing with his professors that he should be allowed to pass. This is typical ZM. The only thing I could add is the incessant bragging about "taking classes in astrophysics" and the way he would have us all take pictures of him (alone) when he was dressed up. Even the girl he married is a cheat. I knew a girl he dated for a long time in college (JK) who is by any standard a beautiful sweet girl (who knows why she dated him - clearly a lapse of judgment). His now wife, Kristen Vindler, was her best friend for years during college, but she stabbed her in the back by convincing Zach they should date and not tell JK. Hilariously, KV then cheated on him with a random guy from a bar. Backstabbers all get what they deserve. Don't feel bad for this guy.

Posted by anonymous, Sep 19, 2007 1:28PM

Point of order, if I may: Perhaps further references to family members & spouses could be foregone. I make this request to the audience as much from the eventual regrets of my own actions as an enthusiastic member of many a feeding frenzy, as from simple and rarely-experienced compassion. Unlike our "Top 30" alumnus, his wife took no action to place herself in this arena. There are plenty of college kids who make decisions they may later regret, and life's experiences may lead her to regret hers. On the other hand, he-who-ran-into-the-minefield yelling "look at me!", well, let this post not be construed as any kind of objection to the attention such action receives.

Posted by I know Zach, Oct 11, 2007 11:05PM

You guys should stop this shit. I don't really know Zach that well, but am a fellow wharton alum, went to his wedding, and I know he is a nice, and VERY smart guy. maybe he's not a good trader, but that's no reason to attack him. I think most of the people who posted crap about him are just jealous. And to user Former fraternity brother?? i am just ASHAMED that we are both alumni of the same school - do you realize how petty and unprofessional it is to drag his personal life and his wife into this matter? Shame on you! To diss zach as a trader is fair game, but to personally attack?? you have got to be a big loser. and i bet you still have a crush on mrs. michaelson, who i'm sure is a wonderful, sweet woman who is smart, nice, and too good for you. (I also realize this is a late posting, but I just heard about this stuff that happened and I can't believe ppl can be so cruel!)

Posted by Anonymous, Oct 15, 2007 6:40PM

Zach is back! Sorry dude but stupid posts like that are not going to salvage your rep. This convo is already over, and consensus on you and the wifey is clear.

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