'Stuart Sugarman Is Not Happy'-- Stuart Sugarman
And now an update on the greatest story ever told. Stuart Sugarman, the hedge fund manager who—while still seated on his bike—was thrown into a wall for “loudly” grunting, commenting “Great song!” and yelling “You go, girl” throughout a spin class at an Upper East Side Equinox in late August, is mad. Not at himself, though he should be, for being one of those horrible people who are practically begging to be thrown into a wall for audibly working out in public, but at the prosecutors who aren’t treating the assault by fellow rider and Maxim Investments Group broker, Christopher Carter, as a felony.
“This wasn’t just a playground fall where Stewy fell down and went boo hoo,” Sugarman, referring to himself in third person, said yesterday when he was informed the assailant was only charged with a misdemeanor. "The reality is I spent two weeks in Lenox Hill [Hospital], including a week in ICU and six hours in surgery. My life has been altered, possibly permanently. This is not a misdemeanor."
While “Stewy” maintains that he suffered a concussion and damage to six discs in the vertebrae of his neck (see: the brace), the criminal complaint filed yesterday against Carter only accuses him of causing “sustained lower-back pain” and “substantial pain” in general. The Sugmaster is livid that there is no mention of the fact that he was told to “shut the fuck up,” nor that, allegedly, his surgeon described the sustained injuries as being so severe that SS was “one click away from a wheelchair.” (Obviously his placement in the chair on wheels at left was for purely photo-op purposes.)
Carter’s lawyer, Michael Farkas, rebutted that his client "did not commit any criminal acts."
No word yet on whether or not Equinox had reinstated Sugarman’s previously revoked membership, or if the New York Sports Club, an obvious step down, would have him.
Earlier: Spinning OUT OF CONTROL
Gym Victim Is Wheely Angry [New York Post]
Comments
To go along with the greatest story ever told, how about the greatest company ever: Ric Flair Finance, home of the Figure-4 Process:
http://www.ricflairfinance.com/
"Forget the rest. Just work with the best! Wooooo"
Posted by: WorldBeta | September 18, 2007 03:37 PM
this guy is too sweet. almost as sweet as the fish picture.
also, ric flair finance is my new green bar
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 03:54 PM
this lil fag would've been in even more pain if he had received the assraping he deserved
Posted by: alexei varner | September 18, 2007 04:03 PM
Oh man, i got the ric flair audio once but now its not working anymore!
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 04:10 PM
This has to be some kind of elaborate hoax. Look at the flowers on his lap; I am convinced that this is all a joke.
Posted by: John Galt | September 18, 2007 04:13 PM
looks like donnie wahlberg in that pic
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 04:14 PM
Wow, he's a fund manager and an investment banker? That's super impressive. He must get tons of chicks.
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 04:28 PM
Alexei Varner ------was Chris Carter going to assrape him ?
Posted by: H | September 18, 2007 04:29 PM
God I missed you Bess!!!!
Posted by: Hinkley III | September 18, 2007 04:30 PM
where does it say he's an i-banker? all i see is hedge fund manager. the post says that the thrower of sugarman, carter, is a broker at Maxim Investments Group.
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 04:31 PM
nope, john devaney
Posted by: alexei varner | September 18, 2007 04:31 PM
what has Equinox gym become ????
Posted by: anon | September 18, 2007 04:33 PM
All this "finance guy on finance guy" violence must stop!!
Posted by: The Protester | September 18, 2007 04:33 PM
audible exercising and talking about yourself in the third person.. what a goon.
Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2007 04:34 PM
Is it me or does it look like he is sitting in a wheelchair designed for a 700 lb. man?
Posted by: juristpurist | September 18, 2007 04:52 PM
no, the wheelchair just looks bigger because he's in such good shape
Posted by: timmay | September 18, 2007 05:03 PM
Its really a normal wheelchair. Sugalips is really just a tiny pixy of a man (hence why his 'injuries' from such an otherwise unspectacular 'fall' were so severe).
Also good to have you back bess, life was beginning to look so bleak in your absence!
Posted by: JT | September 18, 2007 05:03 PM
Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will have a broker on broker march tomorrow
Posted by: t | September 18, 2007 05:30 PM
Bess, so glad you're back!!
How was rehab?
Posted by: Welcome Back Bess! | September 18, 2007 05:42 PM
This is a horrible story. I hope Sugarman sues the pants off that guy. We're supposed to be living in a civilized society. I don't see why the criminal side didn't punish the attacker, but the civil side surely will.
Posted by: Lawyer | September 18, 2007 06:50 PM
Kicking the shit out of people like this ought to be encouraged as a matter of public policy
Posted by: Encourage that | September 19, 2007 11:50 AM
Sounds like the broker was unusually sensitive to Stewy's whooping and should not get the benefit of a drop in charge severity from provocation. But then again it is NY so maybe the broker's reaction is fairly common in that community. Broker was a pussy however because he attacked while the other guy was still busy chanting on his bike. Should have asked him to step outside (no witnesses). Stewy was within his rights to be an annoying bastard as long as he was not bothering the whole gym population. Perhaps the broker was on roids...
Posted by: Anon | September 19, 2007 12:12 PM
I WAS WONDERING HOW LARRY DAVID AND SEINFELD CAME UP WITH THAT JIMMY CHARACTER. DID ANYONE SEE KRAMER AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?
Posted by: wvrules | September 19, 2007 12:42 PM
I WAS WONDERING HOW LARRY DAVID AND SEINFELD CAME UP WITH THAT JIMMY CHARACTER. DID ANYONE SEE KRAMER AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?
Posted by: wvrules | September 19, 2007 12:43 PM
The only person worse than a horse's ass who grunts and exclaims stupid shit in a gym like Sugarman did is the guy who thinks Carter was out of line for confronting the bastard. What planet do you have to be from to think that Sugarman didn't deserve to have his nuts ripped off and fed to him? Maybe in Canada or the mid-west, men have their balls removed like "lawyer" and "anon" above.
Posted by: anonymous | September 19, 2007 11:53 PM
Hey "Anonymous" - I'm from Canada AND I lived in the midwest for a number of years. How's about you use your real name and we arrange to meet up and I'll show you my balls while I beat the living shit out of you? Also, cool to be posting at midnight. Little lonely, fella?
Posted by: Terry Lord | September 20, 2007 01:34 PM
Chris carter is a good man. I know I used to sit near him at an old brokerage years ago. He was calm then, in fact probably one of the calmest friendliest people at the firm. this hedge fund manager is obviously just looking to sue. I would be willing to bet he would be in a wheelchair even if someone threw a snowball at him.
Posted by: anonymous | October 31, 2007 01:06 PM
Chris carter is a good man. I know I used to sit near him at an old brokerage years ago. He was calm then, in fact probably one of the calmest friendliest people at the firm. this hedge fund manager is obviously just looking to sue. I would be willing to bet he would be in a wheelchair even if someone threw a snowball at him.
Posted by: anonymous | October 31, 2007 01:06 PM