UBS’s Triumphant Return To Profitability Will Be Paved By Encouraging Employees To Please, For The Love Of Christ, Do Us A Favor And Print On Both Sides Of The Paper
Dear Colleagues,As we approach the close of 2007, I would like to take this opportunity to bring your attention to the continued effort around cost control, balance sheet management and overall efficiency. History has shown that the fourth quarter is where we have lost ground and focus on these key initiatives. Therefore, I encourage you to take all necessary measures to make sure that you don’t take your eyes off the ball and allow end of year cost creep to occur.
Thank you for your attention to this "timely" measure. I appreciate your leadership and partnership in finishing the year on a strong note.
Best,
Michael Weisberg
Global Head Products & Services
Comments
im so embarassed for ubs right now.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 30, 2007 01:19 PM
Best. Headline. Ever.
Posted by: Jordan Golson | October 30, 2007 01:59 PM
If they'd just deduct a couple of bucks out of paychecks for viewing NSFW items, maybe that would help get them closer to being in the black? Anyone?
Posted by: The Helpful Trader | October 30, 2007 02:16 PM
"Thank you for your attention to this "timely" measure."
I can't fucking stand weenies who put quotation marks around words inappropriately. When writing by hand, that guy probably dots his i's with little circles.
Posted by: Zbignew | October 30, 2007 03:44 PM
@ Zbignew - methinks he probably dots them with bubbly hearts like he learned from the helpful "people people" @ Mercer
Posted by: Anal_yst | October 31, 2007 01:14 AM
"Alledgedly" Weisberg's career is littered with the dead rotting corpses of those he has stepped over, but "Products and Services" is a cost centre, and not exactly the centre of the UBS universe.
Cant imagine they will be looking forward to huge christmas hampers.
Shame. (cough)
Posted by: Euro hedger | October 31, 2007 06:23 AM
There is a moron within the bowels of UBS that actually requires employees to recycle paper by using both sides...I guess thinking up ideas like this instead of going out and finding business constitutes working for a living...
Posted by: The Eggman | November 3, 2007 01:31 PM
Hey Euro hedger- i can only assume you were one of the dead rotting corpses...loser boy.
Posted by: erniejohnson | December 15, 2007 02:13 AM