Credit Crunch Kills Budding Romance/Courtesanship

Posted by Bess Levin, Nov 08, 2007, 11:37am

What I'm about to offer you via my roommate is more than just the greatest breakup anecdote ever told, it's a reflection of the collapse of the commoditized-sex carry trade.

"PS I forgot to tell you. In the process of our over-and-out conversation, Jeff did offer up this:

"I really like you a lot, but I just don't feel like I have anything to offer you right now, with this credit crunch and all..."

It's share-time. How is the credit crunch/market collapse affecting your sex life/ability to find meaningless intercourse for relatively little (in terms of time, fancy dinners, expensive-looking gifts)? The best story will win five uncorrected proofs of Mergers and Acquisitions or a date with John Carney (on you). Your call.

0Recommend this! 76Comments

Comments

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:02PM

bess's roommate-- a slut?

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:07PM

i'm waiting until marriage to have sex.

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 12:10PM

Wait, I don't get the date with Carney?? WTF, no more putting my personal life on the internet if I don't get free drinks.

Posted by Anonymous2, Nov 08, 2007 12:11PM

I'm waiting until sex to have marriage.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:14PM

that was like a Magic Eye

Posted by 1-2, Nov 08, 2007 12:17PM

I'm waiting until sex for marriage...take that 12:07!

Posted by everyone knows that, Nov 08, 2007 12:20PM

please, you don't have to wine and dine carney to get him to put out.

Posted by Resume Writing Backroomer, Nov 08, 2007 12:22PM

Does the "sex" issue have to involve a partner?

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:25PM

no, 12:22, now get talking. i'm not doing anything today.

Posted by just me, Nov 08, 2007 12:27PM

chicks who have lost their jobs, or are about to, are prowling bars, clubs etc looking for guys who have secure jobs or trust funds. I dont blame them - what chick wants to go back to iowa to marry a corn farmer when she could stay in ny by just sleeping around?

Posted by girl, Nov 08, 2007 12:34PM

Just me,

I think these girls should just go back to iowa now, lock down a good farmer at the least. They end up whoring around until they're 30 then realizing no decent guy in ny wants to marry them anyway

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:40PM

The corn farmers are making more money than the NYC finance types this year.

Posted by L. Craig, Nov 08, 2007 12:46PM

Bear Stearns men's room. 14th Floor. 1:15PM. I'm the one with the brown shoes.

Posted by L. Craig, Nov 08, 2007 12:47PM

Come 'n get some

Posted by Fairfield, Iowa, Chamber of Business, Nov 08, 2007 12:54PM

Our town is made up of 50% meditating brokers from New york and 50% farmers.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:56PM

Bess - have you thought that maybe your "roommate" is charging too much (at least given market conditions)?

Posted by inIT4the$, Nov 08, 2007 12:58PM

It's not so much the credit crunch, as the capital allocation away from my group to other areas of the firm (yes I know, b/c of the credit crunch). This puts a damper on my ability to carry inventory for any amount of time. Oh sure I can still cross bonds, but to really be able to screw someone you might have to sit on the position for a couple of days. Point being is, I just don't like my girlfriend anymore.

Posted by Johnny Lawrence, Nov 08, 2007 1:01PM

L. Craig, I'll send a Goldman trader right over so you can blow him.

Posted by pig famer, Nov 08, 2007 1:08PM

I'd rather be in Iowa than New York right now. Do you think this chart is a result of lawnmower sales?

http://finance.yahoo.com/charts#chart1:symbol=de;range=2y

Posted by Nominate me, Nov 08, 2007 1:26PM

Credit crunch? Keep lowering those rates bitches! The cheaper the money, the more I can borrow to fund my mini-baller lifestyle. The hoes love them some leased 911's.

Sincerely,

The entire city of Dallas

Posted by Stranded, Nov 08, 2007 1:28PM

I love the comments on this post. I thought I was the only person from Iowa who read DB.

I know law firm partners and PMs who own farms as a side-source of income. Most of them haven't even seen the land they own, they just hire out help. Plus, with government bail outs when times are tough, it seems the Iowa farmers have the last laugh after all.

Posted by D-bag, Nov 08, 2007 1:28PM

As a result of this credit crunch my relationship with my wife has actually gotten better! I could no longer afford to keep my "chinese-slut" girl friend (her words not mine) so now my wife and I have sex all the time!

I just wish I was sober enuff to remeber it...

Posted by Cerro Gordo Co., Iowa Farmer, Nov 08, 2007 1:35PM

Land with a "corn rating of 80" is going for about $4,000.00 an acre if you can find any. God Bless them ethanol people!!!!

IOWA stands for "Idiots Out Walking Around" according to those shitheads over in Nebraska, but we say "It's Our Way, America!"

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 1:38PM

who cares. C is almost at $30 . ze world az we know eet iz ovaaa

Posted by sk8asd123, Nov 08, 2007 1:38PM

The results of my less-than-perfect implementation of the Treynor ratio are inconclusive:(

Posted by Wow, Nov 08, 2007 1:42PM

If the quality of posts on this site is any gauge for the caliber of people employed on wall street, then it's no wonder things are getting bad.

you are all idiots. please never procreate.

Posted by pig farmer, Nov 08, 2007 1:49PM

Also, the State of Iowa would like to thank all the New Yorkers for our lovely farm subsidies. Good luck getting rid of them as long as we're the first primary!

Posted by serous question, Nov 08, 2007 1:53PM

Bess,

do you consider auto fellatio

a. homosexuality.
b. a turn-on.

Posted by HAM'05, Nov 08, 2007 2:01PM

www.2girls1cup.com

banks = 2 girls
liquidity = contents of one cup

Posted by whore, Nov 08, 2007 2:10PM

Hey Wow 1:42,
Nice critique but please don't tell us how to do our job, after all we don't go to where you work and slap the cock out of your mouth now do we?

Posted by L. Craig, Nov 08, 2007 2:23PM

Wow 1:42 - I may have an opening on my staff.

Please plan to meet me in the men's room at Bear Stearns, 14th floor. 2:45PM.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 2:35PM

ok, so Bess' roommate's now ex-boyfriend came up with a pretty creative excuse for dumping the shit out of her. Is that a great story? Who is the idiot here? My sense tells me it's Bess' roommate!

And I want to know whether Bess' roommate has a job (given the credit crunch et al), and whether SHE has anything (and I mean anything, at least the looks) to contribute to the relationship.

I bet not. She really has to go back to Iowa and marry a farmer. If she can't even understand a polite "I don't want to date you anymore' and chooses to smear her ex via Bess and Dealbreaker instead, Bess' roommate really has nothing to do in this town.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 2:41PM

bess's roommate is from new york

Posted by just me, Nov 08, 2007 2:45PM

Midwest girls have always put out on the first date - thats why they're in demand. I'm gonna put up a post on CL looking for girls from Iowa and see what shows up.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 2:46PM

So what?
She just got politely dumped.
End of story.

Posted by J, Nov 08, 2007 2:48PM

bess's roommate is probably just ugly, plain and simple. if she were hot he'd try to keep her around as long as possible.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 2:52PM

i've seen bl's roommate..tall/thin/v. large breasts but i got the feeling she was a loose woman.

Posted by Iowa Banker in Overalls Re: Midwest Girls, Nov 08, 2007 3:00PM

Oh!! You mean that if you say, "Put out or get out!", it's THE GIRL who's supposed to "get out"???

Damn, those were some long walks I made back to Fairfield, too!

Posted by Anal_yst, Nov 08, 2007 3:14PM

So now I can have a menage a tois with bess & roomate without the guilt of knowing @ least one of them were cheating?

Not that I ever felt guity before, butt its good to know just in case.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 3:15PM

Iowa Banker:

You mean you are A BOY and didn't put out?

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 3:18PM

Anon 2:35--I got it. I just happened to think it was funny. And for the record, I'm from New York, and I have a job, which doesn't involve sleeping with bankers. That's purely for recreation.

I'm not sure if I have anything to offer otherwise, though. I bake really good cookies and am nice to puppies, but that's about it. Maybe you saw my ad on Craigslist?

Posted by Anal_yst, Nov 08, 2007 3:24PM

So now I can have a menage a tois with bess & roomate without the guilt of knowing @ least one of them were cheating?

Not that I ever felt guity before, butt its good to know just in case.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 3:27PM

KLW:

Whether or not you post on Craigslist, it's just not funny to "offer up" someone's name and other details identifiable to those close to him.

Jeff, you should have dumped this bitch much much sooner (I know, I know: breasts et al were in the way).

Posted by just me, Nov 08, 2007 3:45PM

I am praying that KLW is a chick and not some guy from C or JPM

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 3:50PM

@ KLW: do you do anal?

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 3:55PM

klw is bess's roommate, dumb asses

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 4:00PM

@ anon 3:55:

Noooooooo!!!

effing genius.

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 4:01PM

Dude, are you retarded? Do you actually think his name is Jeff? And his only identifiable detail is that he does something in the financial sector, which would make him one of hundreds of thousands of people. But it's exciting to meet one of those people who always believes what they read on the Internet! I didn't think any of you existed anymore.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 4:11PM

@ KLW:
do you do anal?

PS: Are you not Bess' roommate? Or do you have thousands unidentifiable men passing through your room every month? I am really sorry for Bess!
@ Bess: Come out of this whorehouse and come live with me. Do you do anal?

Posted by anonymous, Nov 08, 2007 4:27PM

isn't the whole point of dating a banker is to enjoy your life when they're MIA? so when they're around, you fuck but when they're at work for 17 hours straight, that leaves you (and him) free to fuck other people?

i dont understand why jeff ended it- seemed like a pretty standard new york relationship!

Posted by AJ, Nov 08, 2007 4:31PM

Wow, Bess, we really are assholes.

Posted by L. Craig, Nov 08, 2007 4:35PM

Will all the men on this site please meet me in the Bear Stearns men's room on the 14th floor at 5:30PM?

Thanks.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 4:39PM

AJ-- have you seen Bess's a-hole? It's very, very nice.

Posted by jimmy c, Nov 08, 2007 4:44PM

14th floor men's room larry? Just to warn you i might be in the stall at the end with some chicks gettin blazed... feel free to stop by

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 4:48PM


I do anal. Have the decency to bring your own lube.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 5:01PM

i have astroglide. if it's ok with you i won't use a condom

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 5:01PM

Asshole. Stop it.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 5:02PM

AJ- sorry if that was TMI...i just thought you'd appreciate the intel.

Posted by HAM'05, Nov 08, 2007 5:05PM

www.cheatneutral.com

so all you db's dont feel bad when cheeting on said wives

Posted by Nominate me, Nov 08, 2007 5:06PM

KLW - Asshole? Yes please.

Do you require a reacharound?

Love,

Jeff E.

Posted by thinking aloud, Nov 08, 2007 5:10PM

so...bess's roommate is a sloot and bess is a good girl educated in the ways of a sloot...skills she could call upon if asked to by the right guy...meaning me.

Posted by Anon, Nov 08, 2007 5:14PM

This thread reminds me of my former boss, whose love life was driven by the price of gasoline. When below its 100d MA, he'd happly date people on the fringes of the tri-state area; but whenever it broke to the upside, he'd dump them pronto and find someone close to home.

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 5:15PM

I just googled 'reacharound'. Yes PLEASE!

Posted by Nominate me, Nov 08, 2007 5:21PM

Between the reachaound I've promised BL's shemale roommate and the trifecta Anal_yst and I are pulling on the STD that is Kim Kardashian, I think I had better book my ticket to NYC.

This trip is gonna be tight!

Posted by KLW, Nov 08, 2007 5:22PM


Your trip to NYC is about the only thing here that is tight.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 5:26PM

in light of what klw just shared, i'll take bess.

Posted by InsureTHIS, Nov 08, 2007 8:59PM

Someone needs to take a bow here, I am cracking up. Way better product than anything else anyone on this site spent the day making. As if there's work to be done nowadays...

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 9:52PM

Life is just great when all my models start putting on wider spread positions! I love this credit crunch!

Posted by C. Norris, Nov 08, 2007 11:19PM

I eat credit crunch for breakfast and poop liquidity in the afternoon.

Posted by Anal_yst, Nov 09, 2007 12:04AM

@ nominate me, KLW, etc:

Ok, KLW, how about Nominate Me, myself, Kardashian all just go at it this weekend. I'll supply about a gallon of KY (which everyone knows is far superior to that astroglide crap), I assume Kim will be supplying the VD, so KLW/Nominate Me, you two decide who's bringing the drugs and alcohol.

Unfortunately for L. Craig, we will not be meating up anywhere near 383 madison.

Although I do have a friend who banged out a slut up in one of the higher-floor conference rooms...

Posted by KLW, Nov 09, 2007 12:28AM

I will nominate you, Anal_yst, if you are up to the task of earning your Blood Wings this weekend.

Posted by , Nov 09, 2007 10:00AM

inappropriate

Posted by Anal_yst, Nov 09, 2007 10:12AM

Surfin the crimson wave or am I completely missing the meaning of blood wings?

Either way I'm down for whatever, bring it

Posted by slimjim, Nov 09, 2007 10:34AM

i would like to give Anal_yst a gorilla mask. 2 guys 1 rag.

Posted by KLW, Nov 09, 2007 11:17AM


@ anon 10:00 AM, so was your father's bathroom break with L. Craig.

Anal_yst, I was going to let you do an Atomic Donkey Punch this weekend but I am limited to one extreme kink per weekend. Blood Wings it is you little vampire.

Posted by Jeff, Nov 09, 2007 12:24PM

Blood Wings.. I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that..

Post Your Comment