Bear Stearns CEO Is An Enigma Wrapped In A Joint
Your company’s in trouble and you need to relax. You’ve tried taking every other day of the week off from work to play in golf and bridge tournaments, but that’s not doing the trick because, as it turns out, you’re almost as bad at those things as you are at not losing money, and you routinely turn in unimpressive scores on the green and sometimes place close to dead last at the card table. Skipping out on conference calls two minutes after they’ve started isn’t helping you to unwind (which is surprising, because you were leaving for your three hour deep tissue massage/nap combo, and those usually do the trick), and neither is playing dead. What’s a CEO to do? If you’re Jimmy Cayne, the answer is simple—get high. Get really, really high.
Yes, according to today’s Journal, James Cayne is a pothead, and may even be stoned right now (you would be, too, if you’d recently been outed in a Page One article for being friends with Maury Povich). It’s apparently common practice for Cayne to light up at the end of the day during bridge tournaments, and the old boy once hotboxed a men’s room at a Doubletree hotel in Memphis with “a woman.” He denies the story, though telling, so very tellingly, Cayne told Journal reporter Kate Kelly that he would only respond “to a specific allegation” and not general questions regarding the fact that he loves weed. That the very next thing he did was fish an empty Fresca can out of the recycling bin and ask Kelly if she had “anything sharp enough to poke a hole” is also suspect.
What else did we learn about Cayne today that we didn’t already know? He fancies himself more important than the leader of the free world, refusing to meet with the President about economic issues unless Bushie comes to 383 Madison Avenue (a visit GWB has yet to make, probably because he’s scared the temptations surrounding him in the office of a drug addict will be too much for him to handle). He’s dying to use the term “Mick” (in July, Cayne told mortgage-division head Tom Marano to “keep [his] Irish down”). And perhaps most telling, this: Cayne can no longer enjoy the singular bliss that is lighting up and enjoying a bowl of Count Chocula, because a few years ago, he was diagnosed with a breakfast-cereal allergy, an affliction which he spoke at length about on July 12. And this would probably explain why he has a tendency to act like an unmitigated prick, a trait illustrated by the fact that Cayne regularly schedules time not to work, per se, but to tell employees the various ways in which their children suck (once informing investment chief Alexandra Lebethal that her 11 year-old son had a “rotten handshake” and will be going “nowhere in life” and sending an email to Alan Schwartz that said, “I bet your kids are going to grow up to be just like me”).
Comments
"almost as bad at those things as you are at not losing money"
come on when was the last quarter bear didn't post a profit?
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:01 PM
Bess, I must say, great stuff (and see, not a single f-bomb). Keep it up.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:02 PM
Holy crap !! I just read the Journal and you weren't making up the dope shit!!!!
Posted by: The Forehead Slapper | November 1, 2007 12:09 PM
the wsj never would've said "hotboxed." i love bess.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:11 PM
Maybe it is not a coincidence that Cayne plays under the team name "Weed" at all of his tournaments?
http://usbf.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&Itemid=29&id=24
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:13 PM
Depressing. Scum. How can we get rid of JC? I need to go to another wake. Stan is mostly cold.
Posted by: anon anon anon | November 1, 2007 12:18 PM
Effective immediately, everyone please give a member of HR a hair sample, preferably a sample from above your neck, so that drug testing may begin among employees in the CDO/debt trading/IB departments...
Posted by: The Effective Immediately Guy | November 1, 2007 12:19 PM
Jimmy Cayne, jc
Jesus Christ, jc
Both men loved what's from the earth
Im, not saying, I'm just sayin...
Posted by: HAM'05 | November 1, 2007 12:21 PM
Jimmy Cayne during a risk-management meeting:
"Warren, pass the bong!"
Warren:
"Mr. Cayne, we have no bong!"
JC:
"Build one with this lightblub, you ass clown!"
Posted by: MK-ULTRA | November 1, 2007 12:27 PM
Jimmy Cayne = Jimmy Cliff = Jimmy Sliff
'nuf said.
Posted by: Jaded | November 1, 2007 12:30 PM
a) I read this article in about 8 places before it turned up here. You guys can rail on me all you'd like (actually, please do), but a little fucking timely reporting never hurt anyone.
b) I'm actually starting to really like Cayne. He gives me hope that massage addictions/ propensities to play golf midday/smoking daily j's/ being a big bad CEO mustn't be mutually exclusive.
Posted by: girl | November 1, 2007 12:35 PM
the fox-ification of WSJ. love it!
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:36 PM
hey, um, girl? who gives a shit that db wrote about it at 11:48, since almost all of the details in the story were on dealbreaker all summer?
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:46 PM
Agreed, firm has knocked out all profitable quarters for the last 75 or so years, since before Cayne turned 40.
Guy deserves to kick back and enjoy his money a bit.
Imagine you were 115 years old and you had made $15M+ the top ten years running, try to get you to stop taking bong rips at a country club.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:49 PM
Agreed, firm has knocked out all profitable quarters for the last 75 or so years, since before Cayne turned 40.
Guy deserves to kick back and enjoy his money a bit.
Imagine you were 115 years old and you had made $15M+ the last ten years running, try to get you to stop taking bong rips at a country club.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:49 PM
Hey, man, like all this crap about marijuana causing memory loss man, well, I just want to point out, man, that ,....uh....er.....uh...what?....what are we talking about, man?
Posted by: Fake Tommy Chong | November 1, 2007 12:50 PM
This is a BS hit piece. Absolutely, gossip crap. Anon 12:36 is right, the fox-ification of WSJ. Someone wants to wack him, and it is easier to do it, if you have the court of public opinion on your side.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:55 PM
I'm surprised Melissa Etheridge chose David Crosby to be the father of her child when she could have had Mr. Cayne. There are some apparent similarities in the "laid back" department!
Posted by: Bad Leg Quezada | November 1, 2007 12:57 PM
hey, girl? you can find the fact that he golfed all summer, the score the wsj said (88), the bridge tourney he placed in 3rd in, and the conference call he walked out on all in the db archives.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 12:57 PM
I suppose this makes Mr. Cayne the Bear Stearns "tokin'" CEO?
Crackin' myself up, now.
Posted by: Shecky Buffett | November 1, 2007 01:00 PM
@ anons- you just proved my point. Its regurgitated crap that's neither interesting anymore nor witty. Just my 2 cents...
Posted by: girl | November 1, 2007 01:03 PM
Does anyone know what Bear Stearn's employee drug use policy is? Not talking about "prescribed' drugs.
Posted by: The Curious Guy | November 1, 2007 01:08 PM
the real question is wtf was he doing at a Doubletree hotel?
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 01:17 PM
They definitely made me take a drug test. But i couldn't swear that I passed it I was still hired to the trading desk
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 02:21 PM
"Mr. Cayne is a great captain", and on ships, captains are the social leaders. Mucking around in details is the XO's job.
Screw your "resign", JC is my new hero.
so Cayne... Soros.... I wonder if Buffett's a pothead too
Posted by: Anonymous | November 1, 2007 02:45 PM
What a hatchet job. The world needs more 73 year-old stoner CEOs.
Posted by: Matt | November 1, 2007 09:47 PM
that lebenthal brat does have a crappy handshake
...that's why i always squeeze it so hard
Posted by: headmaster of browning | November 1, 2007 11:49 PM
@ girl (or was it mini ballerette?) -
It'd be my pleasure to rail you
er rail on you i meant...
Posted by: Anal_yst | November 2, 2007 12:38 AM
does anyone know if the test is supervised or unsupervised?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 21, 2007 09:34 AM