Dealbreaker

I bet you think you know what it’s like to be a Master of the Universe. I bet you think it looks like a great time. What could be bad, you might be asking yourself. No Writedowns. No layoffs. No CEOs with substance abuse problems. No constant wondering, “Which Lloyd are we going to get today, Lloyd Lloyd, or Stoned Lloyd, who can only think about chips and dip?” You're probably even wondering aloud to no one in particular but perhaps some 2-bit recruiter, where and how can I get some of that? Take it from a few Goldman Sachs employees, you do not want. Speaking to Deal Journal on the promise of anonymity and the assurance that their names wouldn’t follow “whiney little bitches” in print, the Goldmanites said that $16.9 billion in bonuses and the opportunity to buy Bear Stearns as a group doesn’t mean shit because they are in a prison of their own making.

…some bankers at Goldman have told us they secretly wouldn’t mind seeing a little air taken out of the stock as the end of the fiscal year draws near.

How could the ultimate symbols of the capitalist system harbor such perverse desires? Look at the way bonuses are doled out at Goldman and other Wall Street firms. An employee is told, for instance, that he is getting $100,000 of stock. That means the higher the stock price at the time, the fewer shares he’ll receive. The fewer the shares, the less the payout will be worth down the road.

Think about that next time you pity yourself for working at Merrill Lynch or Citi or Bear Stearns. Some Goldman employees are apparently so upset about GS being priced at $220.31 this morning that they’ve put their resumes to C. No, just fucking with you, but seriously—that’s how bad it's gotten there.

The Goldman Bonus Paradox [Deal Journal]