Bonus Watch: Bear Stearns Bonus Wipe Out Hangover

Posted by anonymous, Dec 18, 2007 12:48PM

what's the point of these bonus posts if you are going to put in absolutely no substance whatsover?

you might as well just stay home, or admit you made up half of it

Posted by slimjim, Dec 18, 2007 12:51PM

I agree a bonus only means something if it comes with a merry christmas card not some jewed up happy holidays crap. So no more post about the christmas bonus, they upset the choosen ones.

Posted by nope, wasnt made up, Dec 18, 2007 12:56PM

bc i told him the story...and now i'm not telling anymore...see girl and i like the story, but thats bc i'm a girl...you guys would like the story if i sent a pic w it...the girl is hot

Posted by nope, wasnt made up, Dec 18, 2007 12:57PM

bc i told him the story...and now i'm not telling anymore...see girl and i like the story, but thats bc i'm a girl...you guys would like the story if i sent a pic w it...the girl is hot

Posted by JMAN, Dec 18, 2007 12:58PM

I dont know who this broad is, but unless you are a hitter on a desk that is outperforming you are def getting lower numbers this year. The fact that she was shocked by it answers the question for me.

Posted by anonymous, Dec 18, 2007 1:03PM

seriously, what is the point of this? the first paragraph could have been written about any firm in any year

the rest of it was just an unattributed, non-specific anecdote about some floozy and her fast food issues

so what?

Posted by John Carney, Dec 18, 2007 1:06PM

It's just supposed to be a colorful story. Of course we aren't going to name her, though. The girl still has a job to keep.

Posted by lurker, Dec 18, 2007 1:08PM

another slow day in the content department

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 1:09PM

bess's posts were sweet.

Posted by Powell, Dec 18, 2007 1:10PM

Any idea of all in comp numbers for first and second year analysts and first, second, third, fourth year associates at FICC and Equity departments?

This is what we need to hear.

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 1:12PM

Sad thing is JMAN there are dudes on desks that made more money this year than last, and their numbers are way lower too.

That shit aint going over so well.

(Derivs)

Posted by Clark W., Dec 18, 2007 1:13PM

Jelly of the Month club for the poor bums at Bear, Merrill, Citi, UBS and any other has been CDO shop.

Posted by actually, Dec 18, 2007 1:14PM

if you guys cant find out these numbers or at least estimates on your own, that means you prob dont have any friends...bc i'd say it's a pretty incestuous circle and everyone knows everyones business....apparently some of the DB readers are not involved, and i'm willing to be it's bc of their antisocial demeanor rather than their desire to exclusive...get involved ppl

Posted by pissed off shareholder, Dec 18, 2007 1:20PM

What's gonna be rich is hearing Citigroup justify the multimillion dollar bonus Chuck Prince will no doubt receive.

Posted by Please shut the fuck up., Dec 18, 2007 1:25PM

Actually,

thanks for the substantive post with numbers and estimates from your army of friends.

Posted by JMAN, Dec 18, 2007 1:34PM

I have friends at every IB, its the same everywhere. Top performers will be compensated, all others take it or leave it. Lets call it the Thain Corollary. Looks like alot of hot chicks will be olfin down burgers, or drinking too much. Lets hope for the latter

Posted by JMAN, Dec 18, 2007 1:34PM

I have friends at every IB, its the same everywhere. Top performers will be compensated, all others take it or leave it. Lets call it the Thain Corollary. Looks like alot of hot chicks will be wolfin down burgers, or drinking too much. Lets hope for the latter

Posted by A-Non, Dec 18, 2007 1:34PM

Can the articles about bonuses stop unless we have concrete numbers? Everyone and their mother knows that the qualitative value behind most Wall Street bonus' this year is best expressed by "shit", so lets just stop wasting time until they're something worth writing about.

Posted by anonymous, Dec 18, 2007 1:36PM

Every year at this time, thousands of Wall Street Employees will receive word of their bonus compensation, which makes up the majority of their yearly pay. Afterwards, within the next day or so, most of these highly-paid bankers, traders and money managers will move their bowels, as do most human beings every 24 hours (everyone poops, you know!).

HAY GUYS DID I TELL YOU THIS REALLY INTERESTING STORY ABOUT THIS GIRL I KNOW? SHE WAS TOTALLY EATING! FOOD! FOR REALS!!1!!!11!!!!

kill yourself. no, bring back keith and then kill yourself

Posted by Shecky Buffett, Dec 18, 2007 1:46PM

A Bear "bigshot" guy gets a lousy bonus. It affects his mind. He begins to self medicate with illegal pharmaceuticals. His actions grow more and more weird. Somehow through the mental fog and lunacy he is able to seek help from a psychiatrist. He arrives at the shrink's office on time. Oddly, he shows up wearing only see through Saran Wrap from his chest to his knees.

The psychiatrist looks at his new patient and says, Well...I can clearly see youre nuts."

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 1:48PM

Was she drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade?

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 1:48PM

Powell@1:10,

Welcome to Wall Street. Analysts dont get paid at year-end.

Posted by just me, Dec 18, 2007 1:52PM

oh boo hoo hoo...folks who have no skills besides knowing rich people or knowing how to front run large orders suddenly dont get 7 or 8 figure bonus' - the indignity of life in NY....

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 1:53PM

Anon 1:36:

You can poop every 24 hours? I find most of my boys and I have some pretty irritable colons from all of the caffeine, stress, and recreational/vocational amphetamines. (That shit'll really fuck up your insides)

Personally, I'm lucky if I can dump out once a week.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 18, 2007 1:59PM

Well Random Banker if i had my shit pushed in by some sambo i might not dump every day either.

Posted by girl, Dec 18, 2007 1:59PM

hahahah TMI

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 2:14PM

@girl:

Yeah, when you're in college Wall Street is all dreams of making sushi in your fifth avenue co-op with a scantily clad Darlyn Hannah draped on your arm. The reality is a shit box apartment, in the east village, bloating and stomach pain.

Posted by anon, Dec 18, 2007 2:15PM

just enjoy the humor of the story. relax.

Posted by dean wormer, Dec 18, 2007 2:21PM

fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Posted by Anon, Dec 18, 2007 2:25PM

bankers are a funny bunch - first they crib about the hours, then they crib about the per hour equivalent pay.

when will they realize that just like the client doesn't give a rats-hoot about risk-adjust return, the banker should be happy he/she is raking it in absolute terms versus the rest of the world (notwithstanding HFs and PE).

another way to put it, MBA schools don't charge a per hour equivalent, they charge an enormous aboslute value.

so tell that babe to hell with her god***mn cribbing!

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 2:26PM

What about the brokers? No bonus at all!
You dont hear THEM complaining about it.

Buncha pansies...

Posted by ksql, Dec 18, 2007 2:29PM

MHL goes down sweet with burgers

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 2:31PM

yeah how hard would it be to say, first year bear analyst, received bonus, $10, girl cried and ate a burger

i mean seriously, the story "hey someone got a lower bonus than expected"

Posted by John Jones James, Dec 18, 2007 2:33PM

I am not a truther or a hacker I am a pastor from Oklahoma and I think this story is illustrative of just what's wrong with Wall Street and America and that is why I support Ron Paul

Posted by girl, Dec 18, 2007 2:37PM

You guys are just pissed at the notion of a girl eating a burger that's what it comes down to. You've laughed at dumber shit before that's for sure.

@ RB- aww feel your pain. that's why you've got to get the parental subsidies!

Posted by i think, Dec 18, 2007 2:38PM

reminding readers that being fat and poor is unacceptable is the most valuable post i've read on dealbreaker lately.

2:15, agreed-- these ppl have no humor...too much excel for them

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 2:43PM

@Random Banker 2:14,

Your life must really suck. For all the handwringing, my highly depleted bonus still exceeds the annual packages of 90% of my buddies from school who are at an assortment of jobs. It comes at a cost, no doubt, but all else being equal (and given that I REFUSE to take any money from my folks) I dont see any other profession that will leave me as well placed 5-6 years out of school.

Yes there is always the one off 'entrepreneur' who all of a sudden ends up being worth hundreds of millions but they are like 6-sigma events.

Overall, not only are you paid well but you also have a wealth of opportunities. I BB stamp on you will get you many many jobs - just in case that is what you want.

The East village shithouse is your choice. I know if many people who live better and we all are paid very well to be able to live better. And before cursing this whole thing down, why dont you suggest an alternative?

Posted by anon, Dec 18, 2007 2:43PM

Actually

you are a CHIMP

Posted by Dipshit, Dec 18, 2007 2:48PM

Slimjim

you're a PEDOPHILE

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 2:51PM

@Girl:

Yeah, yeah, you're a miniballer, I know. But the reality is though unless my dad was Henry Kravis (and he's not). My parents can't subsidize me sufficiently to put me in a 5th avenue co-op or soho loft. Instead I just get a box with granite counters and marble bath but alas, a gilded cage is still a cage. Its all so miniballerific.

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 2:54PM

`SuperSIV' Fund to Start Buying in Weeks, Banks Say (Update3)
2007-12-18 14:33 (New York)

(Adds details on size of SuperSIV in second paragraph,
updates shares in last.)

By Sree Vidya Bhaktavatsalam
Dec. 18 (Bloomberg) -- The ``SuperSIV'' fund, set up to
provide cash to structured investment vehicles hurt by subprime-
mortgage holdings, plans to start buying assets ``within weeks,''
its sponsors said today.
The fund's size, originally envisioned at about $80 billion,
will be determined by ``SIVs' needs and evolving market
circumstances,'' Citigroup Inc., Bank of America Corp. and
JPMorgan Chase & Co. said in an e-mailed statement. New York-
based BlackRock Inc., the largest publicly traded U.S. asset
manager, will oversee the fund.
The urgency the led to creation of the SuperSIV has eased
after separate SIV bailouts by banks including Citigroup, London-
based HSBC Holdings Plc and Societe Generale SA of Paris.
Citigroup said last week it would take over seven SIVs with
$58 billion of debt to avoid forced assets sales that would
further push credit-market prices lower.
The fund, also known as the Master Liquidity Enhancement
Conduit, or M-LEC, will provide ``an optional source of liquidity
for eligible high-quality assets,'' the banks said in the
statement.
SIVs, which sell short-term debt and invest the proceeds in,
higher-yielding securities, have cut their holdings by more than
25 percent since August to $298 billion, according to Moody's
Investors Service. They emerged in August as one of the biggest
threats to capital markets that were rocked by record high
defaults on subprime mortgages. Financial institutions have since
reported more than $70 billion of losses and writedowns.
Bank of America, based in Charlotte, North Carolina, and New
York-based JPMorgan both run money-market funds that own short-
term debt issued by SIVs.
Bank of America shares fell 18 cents to $41.52 at 2:28 p.m.
in New York Stock Exchange composite trading, while those of
Citigroup fell 8 cents to $30.69. JPMorgan's shares fell 54 cents
to $43.99 and BlackRock shares rose $4.17 to $207.41.

-- With reporting by Hugh Son in New York. Editor: Larry Edelman,
Oliver Ludwig

To contact the reporter on this story:
Sree Vidya Bhaktavatsalam in Boston at +1-617-210-4627 or
sbhaktavatsa@bloomberg.net;

To contact the editor responsible for this story:
Larry Edelman at +1-617-210-4621 or
ledelman3@bloomberg.net.

[TAGINFO]

BAC US CN
JPM US CN
C US CN
BLK US CN

NI COS
NI US
NI FIN
NI FND
NI SIV
NI ABS
NI MBS
NI CDO
NI DRV
NI BON
NI SCR
NI CORPFIN
NI BNK
NI MMK
NI NY
NI NC

##
##
##
##
##

##
-0- Dec/18/2007 19:33 GMT


Posted by actually, Dec 18, 2007 2:55PM

2:43, it must be sad being lonely and ugly and poor,,,better luck in '08 buddy

Posted by actually, Dec 18, 2007 2:56PM

2:43, it must be sad being lonely and ugly and poor,,,better luck in '08 buddy

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 2:58PM

uh, 2:54 was my fault. sorry!

Posted by girl, Dec 18, 2007 3:09PM

hah you'll shed the mini part in due time- keep the faith.

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 3:13PM

Anon 2:43:

Yeah, the whole rat race is a cluster fuck. Working your way up at a fortune 500 is certainly just as bad and pays a lot worse. Its just a matter of picking your poison.

I'm always perplexed by someone who can make a little brown baby everyday. That's what started this, I'm just jealous of your intestinal fortitude.

But you're right there's no better option perse just different flavors of shit. To quote Woody Allen

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable."

Posted by non-random, Dec 18, 2007 3:17PM

Random

what are you rambling about ??

quit drooling

Posted by Hedgie, Dec 18, 2007 3:19PM

Banking is for morons. You have a horrible lifestyle and make a chimps wage. I would know because I live with 3 bankers. I also make 2x what they do in annual comp. That is because I work at a hedge fund. I also work half the hours btw. Therefore, my hourly comp is at least 4x their's.

I have never met someone who banked for more than 2 years that wasn't a complete chimp.

Posted by Hedgie, Dec 18, 2007 3:19PM

Banking is for morons. You have a horrible lifestyle and make a chimps wage. I would know because I live with 3 bankers. I also make 2x what they do in annual comp. That is because I work at a hedge fund. I also work half the hours btw. Therefore, my hourly comp is at least 4x their's.

I have never met someone who banked for more than 2 years that wasn't a complete chimp.

Posted by most importantly, Dec 18, 2007 3:21PM

is that BLs cell 973-495-0177 that they told us to txt tips to?? 973 is livingston, right? suspect

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 3:22PM

Random: I suggest you enlist for a tour in Iraq. That, or even the thought thereof, should get you back where you need to be in no time.

Alternatively, have a little self confidence. Its a rat race of your own making, you looking at those around you and feeling inferior.

Pull yourself together man. I'm sure your clients (or boss) can detect this angst in you, which is not helping on the road to success.

Plus, there is nothing like a good shit.

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 3:25PM

I'm just pontificating on life

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 3:25PM

Hedgie: if you make so much, why four people in one apartment?

Posted by John Carney, Dec 18, 2007 3:28PM

MI: That's just where Bess set up the sweat-shop call center that handles our text messages.

Posted by Matt, Dec 18, 2007 3:28PM

Life is a clusterfuck - whether you are a grunt in a corporation, a struggling artist or a screenwriter or a moderately talented sportsman.

So whats the point? A job on the street will - in a few years time - leave you with much more that any of the other clusterfucks will. Hence it is better.

And if it is only the clusterfuck we were to be focussed on, then everyone would jump off the roof - coz ultimately life is meaningless, and finite.

And btw people who dream of being in a park av co-op making sushi with a blonde draped around their arms 2 years out of school should immediately self terminate to avoid mucking the gene pool any further. They have lost touch with reality already, their subsequent rant is disgusting.

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 3:41PM

Hedgie: spare us. If your role had any meat to it, you wouldn't have the time or energy to be posting things here.

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 3:48PM

MI: that's bess's number.

Posted by Seton Hall '07, Dec 18, 2007 3:56PM

what use will the chick be if after eating all those cheeseburgers she just turns into a fatty?

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 3:59PM

@ sh'07 a fattie who works at BEAR STEARNS is pretty much a lost cause to begin with.

Posted by Seton Hall '07, Dec 18, 2007 4:02PM

a paycheck's a paycheck. i work in the BS back office

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 4:06PM

Oh Matt, pish posh we've all had our dreams... I didn't know any better, and Charlie Sheen seemed to be pulling it off, in what I considered to be the preemptive film version of my life.... with Micheal Douglas playing me of course.

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 4:17PM

Jeez Random Banker, you aimed really low even in your dreams.

Aiming for something like Don Corleone would be more like it.

Posted by girl, Dec 18, 2007 4:19PM

For the record i don't know one guy on the street who didn't want to be gordon ghekko/patrick bateman (nor one girl who didn't want to meet & marry them) so stop being so bitter Matt

Posted by anon, Dec 18, 2007 4:20PM

No numbers? I heard that the bonus numbers were 60 to 40% of last years bonuses

Posted by , Dec 18, 2007 4:21PM

SH '07: I'm betting you're gonna get a lotta shit here for admiting to being back office. I had a first job like that and things are just fine now. My advice is to stick with it but keep your eyes open and always push for something a little better.

Posted by Hedgie, Dec 18, 2007 4:27PM

3:25 - Because I am 24 and prefer living with my friends. Also because it is cheaper.

3:41 - I didn't say my role was "meaty." I just said I make twice as much as my banker friends and work half the hours. That is a fact. Also, that people who bank for more than two years are chimps is a fact too.

Posted by Seton Hall '07, Dec 18, 2007 4:34PM

@ 4:21 thx. it's all good since i don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion.

@ girl: it's "Gekko"

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 4:39PM

See "girl", knows what I'm talking about. As they say over on the Leveraged Sell Out "living the fucking dream".

Anyway I'll include all of this shit in my best selling novel, due to which I will viewed as a later day Tom Wolfe/Bret Easton Ellis all rolled into one... Oh fuck, I'm doing it again.

Posted by Matt, Dec 18, 2007 5:00PM

girl @ 4:19,

There is a massive difference between wanting to be Gekko and ranting about how unfair is miserable life is because you didn't end up being Gekko 2 years out of you undergrad (and how you being amongst the top 1% of people your age is such a terrible thing).

If you feel empathy towards with latter miserable bunch and want to commiserate with them - well its a free country (as yet) you know!

All the same, there are a lot of people who do not share the same blinkered (and bloated and achy) view of reality.

Posted by anon, Dec 18, 2007 5:09PM

I'm not sure how back-office, front-office is defined, but...I am in software development on a Forex platform at one of the big banks (we do 5-10 bn a day in vols). It's a small group, cool team dynamic, and the political BS is general kept to a minimum. I really can't complain...because the attitude of the people working right next to you can be the best medicine or worst poison for overall perception of your job.

Hedgie, I for one would be happy for ya if your HF is not blown up in a year from now. And not because I appreciate your arrogance or stereotyping of entire classes of people (because a handful of bankers is a suitable sample size for all bankers). Why? I'm only 25, but I have a friend who was your age when at a "great" hedge fund, Amaranth. He's now with our company...and it makes for a good memory and that is all.

Seton Hall '07, I'm with you. Some people who make 3x what I currently make no doubt have a far crappier perspective on life and have zero quality of life. And frankly, having met and known people who totally screwed close friends/family or spent zero time with them, I don't care what they get paid but it's not worth it.

One thing I've read and seen is that those who shoot for the big $$$ often don't reach it (plus, it's never enough). Those who dream big and show a lot of confidence, can at times bring in the money alongside, almost as if by accident.

Posted by girl, Dec 18, 2007 5:20PM

Matt you can't fault a guy- it only takes charlie sheen about 45 minutes and like one trip to the hamptons. totally false advertising

Posted by Random Banker, Dec 18, 2007 5:21PM

Matt:

I hear you. The real issue is that, when you don't see your friends and family, you are constantly sleep deprived, you start to realize what's important in life and it ain't living in co-ops on 5th avenue. Even if I lived their it wouldn't be worth it and sacrificing your mental and physical health to attain something that is meaningless except in your own mind is just plain silly. That's what I'm really trying to say here.

To paraphrase Bess, the only problem is I don't know what animal I would be if I could be any animal. I'm imprisoned by my own limited vision, and no bonus is going to fix that.

Posted by Shecky Buffett, Dec 18, 2007 9:19PM

Bear IB guy is working another 100 hour week wishing he was better than those Goldman guys and ..poof...suddenly before him appears Satan.

Satan says, "Hey superbanker wannabe, I can grant you your wish to be the biggest, baddest IB on Wall Street, make you into that billionaire you dream about if you wish. All it will cost you is the eternal souls of your young wife and infant children......what say you?"

The Bear IB sits quietly looking at Satan for a long time and then says, "What's the catch.....?"

Posted by back office guy, Dec 18, 2007 9:27PM

bs number 50% off last year bonus, sucks since most of your $'s is in bonus. bigger issue it will take you 5 years to get back to 2006 #'s

Posted by Poof, Dec 18, 2007 9:35PM

try -100%...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119802842426537771.html?mod=hpp_us_whats_news

Posted by operations avg, Dec 18, 2007 9:40PM

yep 50% down on bonus, no base, and no i don't drive a BMW, 5 yr old Chevy, lets see what the sr guys do

Posted by ANON BANKSALON, Dec 18, 2007 11:08PM

Can anyone really comment on junior IB bonuses? Not backoffice and no bs..

Posted by ANON BANKSALON, Dec 18, 2007 11:08PM

Can anyone really comment on junior IB bonuses? Not backoffice and no bs..

Posted by grown up, Dec 19, 2007 12:11AM

I don't think anyone at Dealbreaker or on this blog knows anything of substance about 2007 Bear Stearns bonuses outside of what's in the WSJ or Bloomberg.

By the way, WSJ reported that the executive committee at BS voted not to take any bonuses for 2007.

Also, Bloomberg reported that Ralph Cioffi has exited BS. Bloomberg didn't mention the size of Cioffi's bonus, just that the U.S. Attorneys want to visit with him about pulling $2 mil of his own money out of the doomed BS hedge funds ahead of the bad publicity.

Note to Katie Hayder: Bonuses may be less in 2007, but the cost of a good legal defense can take it all in the end.

Posted by grown up maybe be old but he has no clue, Dec 19, 2007 12:16AM

grown up, people send info to DB all the time, myself included.

Posted by may be old but knows when something is pointless, Dec 19, 2007 1:26AM

To: 12:16 a.m.

If DB has info, why don't they post it?

People, including you, may send info to DB at other times, but there's nothing factual posted by DB or anyone else about this story.

I'm not the only one who has noticed this obvious fact.

What's the point of the story or this blog if no one's posting anything real?

Posted by anon, Dec 19, 2007 5:47AM

It's a little light on content, but I got a chuckle out of "Mistress of the universe has too many unintended implications." What's the point of the story? Maybe it's enough to just have a little fun sometimes.

Posted by , Dec 19, 2007 6:56AM

@may be old but knows when something is pointless: this is ONE story, which was more for entertainment value. ever read DB? they post stuff with a point that is "real" all the time.

Posted by , Dec 19, 2007 9:23AM

U CAN HAS CHEEZBURGR

Posted by SlashAndBurn, Dec 20, 2007 3:19AM

What a bunch of whiny bitches. The post was funny. Not? Shine my shoes, you're not a closer.

Posted by guest, Mar 14, 2008 10:32PM

Obscene. Multiple millions in bonuses a mere 10-12 weeks ago...