Short Goldman Sachs
There's a very important story in today's Wall Street Journal. You can tell it's important by how long and boring it is. So long and boring that you might've a. only read the first paragraph b. just skimmed it for key words and phrases or c. said "No! I'm god damn sick and tired of these motherfucking "How Goldman Sachs won when EVERYONE ELSE LOST" articles! I can't do it! I won't do it!" and not read a single word, choosing instead to settle for a nice relaxing spliff, though, realistically, that reaction probably could've only come from one person, and is sort of beside the point, because he no longer allows copies of the Journal within 1,000 feet of him anyway. Normally we don't pass judgment on your chosen paths/reading material (or lackthereof), but these are extenuating circumstances, and we would be remiss not to tell you that those choosing a, b, or c this morning made terrible, horrible mistakes. Because buried way down the page, after the part about Goldman's "penchant for rolling the dice with its own money," the "home run blasted from...the structured-products trading group's Scotty Pippin and MJ AKA Michael Swenson and Josh Birnbaum," ABX, VaR, jumping rope and lifting weights, broken promises to a wife and two children, and an obligatory Nick Leeson shout-out, contains a deep dark secret. A secret that's sure to make the day for many of you who like to see nothing more than Snarf and his friends fail, because it more or less gives confirmation that in 2008, the team that made GS a large pile of money, is going to shit the bed.
In October, Goldman's mortgage unit moved from one downtown Manhattan office building to another. Despite their stellar year, traders were crowded into a low-ceiling floor where 150 employees shared one small men's room.











Comments
bess, who cares?
Posted by: dd | December 14, 2007 11:56 AM
I don't see how that's relevant Bess. They are just doing what they can to keep costs down and to be able to hand out bonuses...imho
Posted by: Anon | December 14, 2007 11:57 AM
u guys are douches
Posted by: it's funny | December 14, 2007 11:58 AM
Bess worshipper! lawl
Posted by: Anon | December 14, 2007 12:01 PM
ha! all 150 of them in one stall...at least bsc has stallS to play around in
i agree 11:58- it is funny
Posted by: BSC | December 14, 2007 12:02 PM
extenuating circumstances
Posted by: big r | December 14, 2007 12:07 PM
Wow don't let L. Craig see this or he'll be the next employee of GS.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 12:09 PM
Bess is clearly hungover
Posted by: ksql | December 14, 2007 12:10 PM
that's funny. and a good fact to use at cocktail parties.
Posted by: value added | December 14, 2007 12:21 PM
The take-away on this is that 100 people are getting fired - 50 per bathroom makes more sense
Posted by: just me | December 14, 2007 01:21 PM
the best fact from the article was that 16 guys made goldman $4b, and the head of the group made $15mm. yeah, that's a place where i want to work.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 01:51 PM
Don't you mean, 'shit the desk'?
Posted by: One synapse clapping | December 14, 2007 01:52 PM
this isn't that shocking considering their offices aren't that nice to begin with, i mean don't they like to keep it on the greitty side so people don't feel too comfortble, this seems in line with that.
Posted by: vespa | December 14, 2007 01:59 PM
Everyone knows GS folks with sphincter pressure just hop on over to Global Alpha for heroic defecation goodness.
Posted by: L'Emmerdeur | December 14, 2007 02:08 PM
GS up 1.62% @ 3:07
you loose
Posted by: ononemus | December 14, 2007 03:07 PM
3:07: kill yourself
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 03:13 PM
Must be a slow news day. Could it just be that large spaces downtown are difficult to come by. When GS moves into their new building the mortgage people will no doubt be more comfortable. In the mean time, they're not complaining and, most importantly, making mega bucks for the firm and big big bucks for themselves. It's no doubt much more comfortable at UBS in Stamford. But to what end.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 03:18 PM
1 bathroom for 150 is obscene. i like when these facts are brought to my attention so i don't have to wade through crap articles from the journal. really, gs makes a lot of money, 3:18? wow you are quite well-informed. why do you bother coming to db at all?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 03:26 PM
I thought it was very Pulitzer-quality that the author would dedicate space to letting the reader know exactly what kind of sandwiches and salads Swenny and Birnbaum ate.
Posted by: anon | December 14, 2007 03:26 PM
I thought it was very Pulitzer-quality that the author would dedicate space to letting the reader know exactly what kind of sandwiches and salads Swenny and Birnbaum ate.
Posted by: anon | December 14, 2007 03:28 PM
I don't know about Sandwiches but i can tell you that Bess was out yesterday because she was in a sandwich with 2 Mulatto teens. Delete that post if your dare Bess.
Posted by: slimjim | December 14, 2007 03:33 PM
Large spaces are easy to come by downtown.
There are 4.9 million square feet of vacant space dowtown.
Posted by: To The Hilt | December 14, 2007 03:34 PM
I work with (not at) GS. The face they present is unwaveringly cooperative, collegial. The epitome of teamwork, no star system. Also none of this we-have all-hard-driving-jocks-that-rowed-for-Dartmouth shit. Some of that, but also nerds, women, Polish guys from Greenpoint even, and they always deliver. An admirable culture that gets results. So why is everyone here so pissed. That's a really unhealthy attitude folks, even if you're competing with them.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 03:34 PM
jesus christ, someone put slimjim out of his misery.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 14, 2007 03:35 PM
I would like to put you out of your misery. You remind me of this gay guy at our meeting today. He was wearing a pink shirt and was snapping his fingers like thoses people do. So on the way out i flicked a boogie on the back of his shirt and well all laughed. He had no idea. Happy Holidays!!
Posted by: slimjim | December 14, 2007 03:48 PM
he flipped some jizz on the back of slimjim's shirt
Posted by: anon | December 14, 2007 04:23 PM
Bess, I guess the reason you are so pissed off is that you are a Goldman wanabee..get a life.
Posted by: anonymous | December 14, 2007 05:38 PM
dude, she's not pissed off. that is her sense of humor. obviously you don't know this, but a sense of humor is this thing someone has when they're funny.
Posted by: fucking tool | December 14, 2007 05:47 PM
I jizzed on Slimjim's back and drew a smiley face in it.
Posted by: 2girls1tampon | December 14, 2007 06:28 PM