Goldman Sachs: If You're Looking For An Infinite Number Of Second Chances To Lose Billions Of Dollars, You've Come To The Right Place
In spite of atrocious performances from Global Alpha and GEO, which perhaps might be indicators of Goldman's inability to do anything but suck ass when it comes to hedge funds, the firm's latest HF venture is starting out with a record-setting $10 billion, of which it is expected to lose at least 40 percent, taking redemptions and unforseen weather patterns into account, by the end of '08. According to Bloomberg, GSIP, run by Raanan Agus and Kenneth Eberts, is (wisely) treading on the Goldman name and standard of excellence, as if to say, "Hey look, we're not so bad," past performances of existing hedge funds presumably not being taken into account, though you never know (could be good for demonstrating that GS is human and capable of failure. So, so, so much failure.) The best part is that GSIP has actually calculated-- calculated-- that if the current fund, in an imaginary world where time travel existed, had been around since the beginning of '04, it would have returned 18 percent each year through August 2007, beating the S&P 500's 10 percent average. Keep in mind this is all just hearsay and speculation, and that it's entirely possible that the same fund, had it existed since the beginning of '04, could have just as easily returned 79 percent each of those years.
Anyway. I think we all know what time it is:
Comments
great headline
Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 03:42 PM
Support 2 live crew, and buy LKEN
Me so....
Posted by: Luke Sky | December 17, 2007 03:43 PM
great use of hearsay and speculation.
Posted by: big r | December 17, 2007 03:45 PM
What's with all these disturbing images on this site today. There's this guy in the buy Goldman video. There's the gross fake Jim Cayne video. And there is the very, very disturbing NSFW picture of Henry Paulson and the bird.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 03:50 PM
Slim, how hard were you when you came up with that comment, no pun intended?
Posted by: Captain Stabbin | December 17, 2007 05:00 PM
You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you Slim?
Posted by: 1-2 | December 17, 2007 05:12 PM
Carney this shit sucks can't you steal some software from gawker or something instead of this triple post crap
Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 05:32 PM
Someone's been retroactively deleting comments...
Posted by: Anal_yst | December 17, 2007 10:33 PM
hello anal_yst, they're deleting slims.
Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 10:39 PM
"The best part is that GSIP has actually calculated-- calculated-- that if the current fund, in an imaginary world where time travel existed, had been around since the beginning of '04, it would have returned 18 percent each year through August 2007"
GSIP was previously part of the prop. trading (principal strategies) group. They did the same job, with the only difference that they only had one investor: Goldman Sachs capital. So of course they can CALCULATE (yes, calculate) what their returns were since 2004. Don't see what the problem is.
Posted by: kazza | December 18, 2007 12:49 PM
"The best part is that GSIP has actually calculated-- calculated-- that if the current fund, in an imaginary world where time travel existed, had been around since the beginning of '04, it would have returned 18 percent each year through August 2007"
GSIP was previously part of the prop. trading (principal strategies) group. They did the same job, with the only difference that they only had one investor: Goldman Sachs capital. So of course they can CALCULATE (yes, calculate) what their returns were since 2004. Don't see what the problem is.
Posted by: kazza | December 18, 2007 12:51 PM
it's a joke kazza.
Posted by: u know what a joke is, right? | December 18, 2007 12:52 PM
"The best part is that GSIP has actually calculated-- calculated-- that if the current fund, in an imaginary world where time travel existed, had been around since the beginning of '04, it would have returned 18 percent each year through August 2007"
GSIP was previously part of the prop. trading (principal strategies) group. They did the same job, with the only difference that they only had one investor: Goldman Sachs capital. So of course they can CALCULATE (yes, calculate) what their returns were since 2004. Don't see what the problem is.
Posted by: kazza | December 18, 2007 12:53 PM
No, what is a joke?
I work at Goldman. We don't do jokes, we make money.
Posted by: kazza | December 18, 2007 12:54 PM
kazza, if I became an investor in GSIP in, let's say 2007, why.t.f. would I care what the returns would've been since 2004 if I wasn't in it then? The problem is that GS is insulated and its employees are so oblivious to what people are saying about this whole debacle. And just so you know, that wasn't a joke. No go run along and finish changing the font on the cover of your pitch book to Georgia, regular, 11 pt., gray before your VP comes along and makes you do that thing he likes in the bathroom when no one is around.
Posted by: riddle me this | January 8, 2008 05:20 PM
kazza, if I became an investor in GSIP in, let's say 2007, why.t.f. would I care what the returns would've been since 2004 if I wasn't in it then? (This *could be* a joke if I did care.) The problem is that GS has insulated itself and its employees are so oblivious to what people are saying about this whole debacle. (This *isn't* a joke.) No go run along and finish changing the font on the cover of your pitch book to Georgia, regular, 11 pt., gray before your VP comes along and makes you do that thing he likes in the bathroom when no one is around. (You wish this was a joke. See - you're getting the hang of it!)
Posted by: riddle me this | January 8, 2008 05:24 PM