Dealbreaker

i don't have any ideas but i likey this post.

Bess Bess Bess. What are we going to do with you.

“turn off all the lights for five minutes and let everyone slap whoever they can at will/random. When the lights come on, the people with the reddest faces should be fired,”

That's obviously an inversion of the proper system. Have the in-the-dark slapathon, then bring the house lights up. That much I get.

But then, the faces that AREN'T red are the ones that get the old heave-ho. After all, the really red folks will have learned the crucial lesson of Wall Street. You've got to take a few whacks for the team.

The palefaces, on the other hand, should be given 5 minutes to clean out their selfish-ass desks. Five minutes tops.

have each analyst present a 5 minute hand puppet theatrical performance about why they deserve to stay...and then fire everyone.

4:06: brilliant.

rochambeau with the HR girls

When they were laying everyone off in 2002, your senior manager would walk you down to HR and let them do the heavy lifting. It was miserable though, cause everyone could see the group head approaching this cube or that. It was either me or another first year analyst, and I was not feeling good about my position. So the big boss man walks up to the other first year, who had just gotten back from vacation, and says to him hey, how was the beach? Dude replies ok. Group head says come tell me about it while I grab a coffee. Proceeds to walk him to HR. Buh Bye...

“you're a valuable asset to the team but management is restructuring the amount of retards they have working for them*”

Hulk Hogan co-hosts a special Wall Street Survivor version of the New & (presumably) Improved American Gladiators.

Hey guys, I heard Ron Paul is hiring.

I just like the old standard.

Manager on bullhorn:

"Ok, everyone who still works in this division for this firm please step forward, not so fast Epstein."

BTW

Back in the day when lifetime employment was the norm in Japan, they would never fire any one. Just give worse and worse assignments and worse and worse office space.

It would become a test of wills between the management and the lame employee, the latter whose calculation was usually between the humiliation of having to serve tea to the tea girls and former collegues and the humiliation from the wife/in-laws if pushed out.

One American insurance company put a former division chief in the basement with the failed new recruits but he kissed his wife goodbye every morning and went to work for 10 more years with his title on his name card and his status on the homefront in tact.

BTW

Back in the day when lifetime employment was the norm in Japan, they would never fire any one. Just give worse and worse assignments and worse and worse office space.

It would become a test of wills between the management and the lame employee, the latter whose calculation was usually between the humiliation of having to serve tea to the tea girls and former collegues and the humiliation from the wife/in-laws if pushed out.

One American insurance company put a former division chief in the basement with the failed new recruits but he kissed his wife goodbye every morning and went to work for 10 more years with his title on his name card and his status on the homefront in tact.

Guess they won't be #1 in the league tables this year. ML's #2...those poor suckers are on deck.

Has anyone confirmed these purported layoffs? Haven't seen or heard anything but I'm not in that area of the bank.

approx 20 layoffs in the NY office. all levels. mostly from the abs cdo part of the group. even a 1st year analyst for the purposes of making a statement...

"except at Bear, where they have no regard for the mentally disabled."

Hey! I don't say many nice things about Bear, but they are very good with employing the mentally disabled, and I don't just mean that layer of detritus in **** ****.

It wasn't just analysts who got laid off. Plenty of MDs are gone too.