Dealbreaker

"A certain part of my anatomy has been compared to a baby's arm"

I hoping for his nose. Or maybe his non-favored arm. That would be part of the reason he is alone.

maybe the broad left because she was done dating some mezzafinocchio and banging him up the ass with a dildo. if this guy sounded like a man she wouldn't have left

my favourite line is about how he doesn't even care about the fact that you might be jewish b/c his parents are in france anyway-

go for it bess! Then report back...

where is "depreciating asset" when we need her??

I have bets that this guy is a creepy doorman who will be using some out-of-town resident's pad for the week to score some poon out of his league.

together we'll go out for amazing dinners, we'll go shopping together, we'll drink great wines

bad grammar is infuriating

Awesome! Why bother with Craigslist when an escort is a phone call away? Something tells me his previous "girlfriend" required a lot of "gifts." How else could anyone put up with this tool? He's sure to disappoint even the deepest of golddiggers.

Yo, how about this brilliant thought? Take a trip to a 3rd world country, even a place like Mexico (south of the border) to a place with no running water or electricity. Bring a wad of cash and give a bunch away. You'll not have a more memorable holiday for a bit.

I've helped build some houses for some really poor peeps and you'll come back and complain a TON less than before...

It costs you $400 and what you choose to give away in Agua Prieta (south of Douglas Arizona), and you'll probably not have a better holiday for awhile...

Yeah, i think the "depreciating asset" could help cheer the dude up, but I still like the other idea better..

@5:33: I like that idea, but is it essential the storyline that he comes back?

"i am also quite charming"

Brilliant!

Mike's.

Hard.

Lemonade

his 772k bonus after taxes is about 400k. he has to worry about than he thought.

@ 6:14PM --- Correct. Taxes are a swift kick in the junk.

I can only wonder why his previous girlfriend booked....

no suprise here....

GS guys are at the top of the food chain in $, but cant pull a decent chick if their life depended on it...ever been to their x-mas/summer outings....wives are major dogs

1. Perhaps someone can entice him into flying down to Mexico for a weekend of romance a la the Southpark where Cartman pretends his hand is Jennifer Lopez v.2.
2. Evraz Group SA to buy Claymont Steel Holdings Inc. for $413 million - Bidder financial advisor: A BILLION AMRO
I would like to work for A BILLION AMRO, can you guys work on getting them to post some jobs in your career center?

wasn't the average around $600 per employee? Way to be barely above the 50th percentile.

@yermem -- sadly, that's the average; i'm sure the median is much lower.

still, i want to see his shiny new condo with ceilings high enough to accommodate a 15' fraser fir. i call bullshit.

baby's arm?? As in limp and soft and can never get hard!!

@7:51 ... thats why my firm wrote down billions, stupid math mistakes when we're hungry. I blame subprime on mangia.

Bess Levin rules!

WOW, first of all, I got a response from Bess! I am honored. :)

No, Bess, he doesn't have to come back here, but I think if or when he did, he'd probably be a much better contributer to society if he did that for a little bit.

Come to think of it, I had the privilege of doing this very thing only a year ago, and it was a really fun time helping these people out. And I do believe it was positive experience for me to do this.

Presidential candidate Ron Paul was on TV today, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrkltetQ0x4

This is fucking fantastic! This guy wins douche bag of the year hands down.

if this is for real I'm selling all my GS and SHORTING!!!

My inability to determine the inability of most people's understanding of the big joke in the CL ad is making my head hurt.

.. And this guy steals the "CRAIGSLIST PERSONAL OF THE YEAR AWARD" from Miss Golddigger during the final weeks of the year. Somebody archive this incase it gets taken down somehow...

rRon Paul already won douche bag of the year, it was awarded early due to his outstanding qualities of douchefulness

Fake

its a joke people..

all this time staring at computer screens is affecting your ability to detect sarcasm

leave your desk.. tell your PM or MD or who ever, you need some mental health time

How do you know its a joke? Are you telling me you haven't met some people in this business that are big enough toolboxes to do something like this? Also, money might bring em in, but it won't make em stay. Gotta bring some game also, otherwise they are tagging the gardener while you are at work slaving away to make her happy. The irony kills me.

there are at least half a dozen lines in the CL post that are so devilishly comical that they recall significantly more carefully-planned satire as opposed to unwitting douchebagginess

besides, does anyone think it is a coincidence that Ulysses is in 85 Broad's backyard? c'mon that is employee morale management 101. No matching of socks, personalities, or jokes with a punchline necessary. Even Global Alpha gets returns there...

I actually though Alexy Vayner was a joke too. Sadly, he turned out not to be a work of fiction. Never underestimate the douchiness of people in our industry.

He should have added, "NO FATS". Just to be safe.

I'm really glad my five- and seven-year old girls don't whine like that guy.

Balls aren't like brussels sprouts - you can't grow them. You either have them or you don't.

...parents in france...

does he live at home with mommy and daddy or something? my parents live 600 miles away.

they don't know that i film midget porn and bang mexican restaurant hostesses with tramp stamps.

Whoever had the patience to go through craigslist and find this gem deserves a medal of appreciation from db readers. This guy is truly weird and desperately needs to develop some restraint in his use of text messages. Perhaps a kindly judge could help. Good luck to him on that solo egg nog drinking.