A little known secret to those outside of the DealBreaker bunker (besides how we feel about Jews, though I guess that C’s out of the B now) is that on particularly low days, when Carney doesn’t have any proxy access articles to write about, and I’ve been forbidden from posting Always Been Cobbling again (not today though, so WATCH FOR IT), and there isn’t a bottle of Mike’s HL in sight, we cheer ourselves up by reading hate mail. Not our own, of course, because it’s less funny than dead on (“Dear Carney, your obvious lack of financial market acumen extends to your inability to assess your own merits. You should be strung up by your undescended testicles until you expire.” “Bess, which I don’t even think is your real name, you wouldn't know a CDO from a hole in the ground. Read up on the former before you crack wise or jump into the latter and STFU.”), but that of an honorary member of the DB team, who turned $12,145 in Bar Mitzvah money into a pre-tax sum of just under $2 million. Often, but not always, because he’s a pretty busy guy (he’s a celebrity, you know), Sykes wades through the week’s mail, compiles a “best of” and sends it our way, free of agenda. I think I’ve decided that going forward, whenever he does this, we’ll in turn share it with you, because what the fuck, we never have any fun anymore. My only suggestion is that you read each mix tape over and over and over again (if the things really gets popular, we’ll make a recording of our favorites and release a CD) and be forwarded that it’s [sic] [sic] [sic] throughout.

How can you keep spouting out all this shit?!?!?1 You and I both know you can’t trade your way out of a fucken papar bag, stop subjectibg us to ALL YOUR STUPID THOUGHTS AND JUST GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Oh wait Jews don't believe in hell do they? Maybe that's why you act like such a fucken retard all the time.

TIM, get a life, you’re a miserable cunt! More people need to inform you…that you’re a miserable cunt! You stupid cunt. Know what you are? A miserable cunt.

PLEASE CAN I COME TO THE PARTY...YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER.

Hey Sykes, Gregg here, I found your e-mail on your website and I just wanted to drop you a line to say that you make me want to eat a bunch of food, vomit, eat my vomit, vomit it back up and insert it into your mouth while you’re sleeping on your back so that you choke on it. Keep up the good work. – Gregg

After seeing the way you treated your mother, you should be ashamed of yourself. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS YOU LITTLE BITCH!

I’ll never buy your stupid book, you little fucken wannabe…I make more in a day then you’ve made in your entire pathetic little life! How about I give you $1,000 to shut the hell up forever. Does that sound like a plan? Email me back if you’re interested, iamadouche@yahoo.com

If I fed you rat poisoning, how long do you think it would take for you to die?

Think you can do better? Give it your best shot at tim@timothysykes.com.