Can We Get Another Shot Of That Semen Detector, Jimmy?
I spent the better half of yesterday cheating on my spouse which was unfortunate because it caused me to miss this wonderful FBN segment on the “business of infidelity.” According to Todd Morris, Brickhouse Security CEO, “cheating season” begins just after Christmas, picks up steam in January, and comes to a head on February 13. That’s where he comes in—Morris sells a product called the Semen Detector, for “spouses who just don’t know.” Fifty percent of the time you’re just being paranoid; what Brickhouse is really offering, for the bargain basement price of $49.95, is “a good night’s sleep." Cavuto’s questions are excellent: “What must it feel like for the person being spied on?” “What does this say about the relationship if the suspicion is such that you need to look for foreign DNA?” “Where were you last night, Todd?” His response at the end to Morris’s reflection that it’s sort of bittersweet that things have been so lucrative also cannot be topped: “That’s sad, that's sad. But, your business is booming as a result, so..." Every cloud, Todd. Every cloud.
Infidelity happens - don't let it happen to you! [Brickhouse Security]
Comments
Since today is apparently the day to post FBN videos, can the video of Happy Hour host Rebecca dressed in authetic Year of the Rate wardrobe be posted for all to enjoy (and laugh)? Or how about some videos of hot girls in bikinis, lingerie, or nothing involving finance or administrative work (read horny secretaries) so I can see if that semen detector really works.
Posted by: Leisure Suit Larry | February 14, 2008 10:26 AM
Oh shits. Bonus discussions today.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 10:28 AM
Dwight holds the black light on the bed that Michael has to sleep in, in the hotel room.
Dwight Schrute: That's either blood, urine or semen.
Michael Scott: Oh, God. I hope it's urine
Posted by: The Office | February 14, 2008 11:09 AM
If you shined the "semen detector" in Tim Sykes office, you'd probably need a welder's sunglass to protect your eyes
Posted by: The Observer | February 14, 2008 11:17 AM
The Observer: And you know this how? I think I'm going to be sick. Is that what he means when he goes 'long and then 'short' during the trading day? Is that why he's almost always short? Ewwww....
Posted by: Timmay | February 14, 2008 11:36 AM
Well, if you're not putting semen in her, she has every right to seek sex elsewhere.
Posted by: J$ | February 14, 2008 11:41 AM
This system is totally faulty. For the road warriors, it is hard to walk into a Holiday Inn without slogging through piles of jizz. Put a blacklight on that shit if you don't believe me.
Flip flops bitches, flip flops.
Posted by: Nominate me | February 14, 2008 11:57 AM
There is a reason they call the top layer of the bed a "cum-forter"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 12:01 PM
Is CSI a generic term or does the TV series have proprietary rights to that? Either way, it makes the kit look a bit cheesy.
Posted by: John Sherlock Holmes | February 14, 2008 01:05 PM
Cheating with your left hand or your right?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 01:25 PM
Cavuto's such a fucking stud. He always looks like he's contemplating an intense chess move.
Cavuto vs. Rza? Tiger style.
Posted by: Lowly Assistant | February 14, 2008 02:51 PM
CSI? HaHa!! That would be Cum Scene Investigators?
[Link saucy and maybe NSFW...]
Posted by: de Cosmos | February 14, 2008 03:55 PM