Yo Ho, Blow the Man Down
We’ve been writing a lot about NYC Pocket Change’s upcoming speed dating event, for “rich old women and hot young men” i.e. the greatest spectator sport of all time (Thursday!) and although many of you are all for being made kept boys, there remain a few who are uncomfortable with the shift in gender dynamics. Obviously I’m talking about Pirate Capital manager Tom Hudson and obviously I’m referring to his profile on SugarDaddyForMe.com, which purports to be “The Real Sugar Daddy Website.” It was recently forwarded our way and though we like to be skeptical about this sort of stuff after having been burned by the fake James Simons listing on CollarMe.com, nothing about the profile seems so outlandish as to have been made up by one of Hudson’s many, many disgruntled former employees. The part about his income being “more than $1,000,000” seems to be a bit of an exaggeration, considering that his flagship fund is currently managing about five bucks, to say nothing of all the dinero he sunk into printing up those proxy battle t-shirts, but I’m sure everyone rounds up on these things. Anywho.
The 6’1, 42 year-old Caucasian is looking for a 25-32 year-old cupcake with a “sense of humor” and “a brain” (not sure if that’s slang for waxed nether regions, I’ve heard it is). You must live in New York or being willing to relocate. You also “must be white.” No brown sugar for this sugar daddy. “Refined” only, thank you very much.
You might wonder if we have a problem with the racist overtones contained in Tom's profile. We don't. If that's his thing, well, that's his thing. What we have a problem with is the fact that the existence of this listing is more or less proof that Hudson couldn't make it work with Isa Bolotin, or sister Holly. And if the scions of soft rock can't make it work with this guy, it's probably a good indication that no one can (though Blarney will certainly try). And that's a shame on par with Pirate seeing about five units* worth of redemptions, because he already built that huge mausoleum, and if the slot for "dead wife" goes unfilled, well, that's just embarrassing.
Nevertheless, we're not giving up hope yet. In fact, we encourage the young ladies to give him a call on his direct line (203-890-2000). Other pertinent info, after the jump.
Pirate1212 [SugarDaddyForMe.com] (login: johnfc, pswd: 988988)
Earlier: Correction: Things At Pirate Capital *MUCH* Worse Than We Thought
Things At Pirate Capital Worse Than We Thought
What The Seed Of Michael Bolton Hath (Possibly) Wrought
*A unit is 100m, for those of you without units.
Comments
Why is this segment posted twice? Hey Tom - once you've gone Black, you'll never go back! Haven't you been watching Wall Street Warrirors? See how well that French family is doing with their (select one) bartender/tutor/trader daughter...
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 01:29 PM
holy shit
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 01:37 PM
i love you bess
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 01:43 PM
no layoff news today?
i need someone else's misfortune to read about while waiting for my sheety bonus
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 01:53 PM
Um, Bess, I'm pretty sure that if "brain" is referring to waxed nether regions, it be those of a man.
Get it...?
Posted by: Master of None | February 4, 2008 01:55 PM
RON PAUL 2008
Posted by: Committee for a Free America | February 4, 2008 01:58 PM
@ master of none: so you're saying hudson can't be gay?
Posted by: i wouldn't rule it out | February 4, 2008 01:59 PM
excellent reporting miss bess
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 02:00 PM
"Hi I'm calling for Tom" "This is Steve Cohen, I think you have the wrong number. So, uh, what are you wearing?"
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 02:04 PM
Hopefully they're taking my hint and removing manually any post mentioning RP so his crazy freakazoid supporters stop annoying us.
Posted by: Anal_yst | February 4, 2008 02:28 PM
Hey, at least this guy is into chicks. No trannies or male strippers named tiger in this story.
Posted by: Pete Nice | February 4, 2008 02:31 PM
yes that seems to be what is happened.
also anti-RP posts in response to them too
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 02:33 PM
@pete, i agree, it is a pity
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 02:38 PM
hi bess...isn't it "anyhoo";
"anywho" makes no sense
Posted by: zach braff | February 4, 2008 02:50 PM
best db post ever
Posted by: (and it's anywho) | February 4, 2008 02:54 PM
@2:31 I need to set the record straight here. Guys into trannies are typically straight. Its just not a gay thing. Gay guys are into guys, pure and simple. There was a riff on this in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2008 02:55 PM
One thing that is kind of funny, is that in the main picture for this article, the blonde chick is Tom's 23 year old sister Ali.
Posted by: EJM | February 4, 2008 03:59 PM
@ Master of None
Maybe a smooth "Fruit Bowl" or "Monkey Brains" would be more of her persuasion.
Posted by: Nominate me | February 4, 2008 04:09 PM
"Profile no longer active" good job - Bess. How will poor Tom find a woman now? He can't just go around hoping for ass at industry events - he's no longer invited.
I guess he's going to have to turn to Billy Ash for assistance now, I heard he knows a cougar who's ready to party.
Posted by: BSD | February 4, 2008 05:31 PM
I love how sugardaddy's promotion on the main page "...whether you want to have an extramarital affair or just love to pamper that special someone..."
Nothing like a blatantly unapologetic pitch...
Posted by: Anal_yst | February 5, 2008 01:05 AM
I think I saw his profile on http://www.SeekingArrangement.com too, another Sugar Daddy dating site!
Posted by: Sugar Daddy | February 5, 2008 03:51 AM
Tom Hudson is a joke. A failure on Wall Street, and a failure in a game with even bigger stakes. LIFE.
I feel bad for his son. Soon enough he will be old enough to realize his dad had a lot of money, and zero soul.
Posted by: The Judge | February 5, 2008 06:52 PM
Does anyone have anything good to say about this guy?
Posted by: tinkerbell | February 5, 2008 08:53 PM
I met this ahole online. he offered to take me to vegas for the adult video awards last week. Said his whole office was going but then told me it would be me and about 5 guys and a few other girls from the site. he asked me to call some guy in his office for arrangements. it was all too creepy. His consolation was that i could hook up with one of the other guys if it didnt work out between us and i could call him if i was nervous about going to make me more comfortable with the whole thing. he was dead serious. I hadn't even spoken to him. i cant believe all the stuff about him on this site.
Posted by: KL | February 6, 2008 10:19 AM
to the judge: you're on the wrong website. There is no soul in finance and no one in here cares. If any of his ex employees were making money when they worked for him they'd still be licking his souless puny a** from norwalk to wallstreet and back on a daily basis. Same goes for his ex investors.
Feel sorry for his kid because the guy is a slimeball with enemies outnumbering friends 1K to1, a shrinking bank account, and a skinny man's doublechin. Not to mention the fact that daddy is pissing away his inheritance on ho's, dead man's monuments and sugar babies.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 6, 2008 10:31 AM
hey tommy, i ejaculated on your wooden pirate statue in front of your desk.
Posted by: Zachy Jorge | February 10, 2008 01:17 AM
I heard he found his "sugar baby" . He invited her up, asked her to move in to condo and then in one week asked her to marry him. She accepted and they are one big happy family in the big house..... sounds a little weird to me.
Posted by: anonymous | February 12, 2008 01:56 PM
I wonder how long he'll pay her the standard sugar baby allowance before putting her on Pirate payroll. Hysterical!
Posted by: anon | February 13, 2008 04:21 PM
anybody else hear that Jerry Meyer went to front four? wonder how long it'll take those tools to realize the fat bastard isn't competent to operate anything other than his daughters irish dancing lessons. hope they like their bizness on dealbreaker. he's a grade a leaker. thx for the laughs JM.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 11:19 AM
It's not his fault he has to buy a wife. Bad genes -His mom looks like a pig faced troll and cant string two sentences together without counting on her fingers. with no employees left to date, who's he gonna find?
Posted by: traderjoe | February 14, 2008 11:35 AM
I heard it was an old girlfriend?
Posted by: anon | February 14, 2008 02:00 PM