JPMorgan just sent out a memo to employees notifying them that in the event the snowpocalypse is really bad, they can reserve cots to stay over. And if they run out, Jamie Dimon will be happy to take people into his home, located not far from headquarters. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE OFFER.

UPDATE: Memo below the fold.

$$$ TheStreet.com Assertion: “There have been many accounts of the shady dealings that Goldman Sachs had with AIG. But one key point has been soft-pedaled, and another has been ignored altogether. The first is that Goldman used AIG as a financial toilet.”

The Facts: [waiting for Lucas vP to weigh in] [TSC]

$$$ NYU sued for revoked MBA [NYP]

$$$ “When people have more than one house, you can live in them all,” says Ms. Clearly. [WSJ]

$$$ Inside Toyota’s epic breakdown [Reuters]

$$$ Galleon Defendants Ordered to Turn Over Wiretaps [Dealbook]

As many of you might’ve heard, earlier today, the New York City public school system decided to cancel school for tomorrow, due to the reports of snow and the fact that every seems to be losing his/her shit over a little powder. These people included the employees of Morgan Stanley, who’ve apparently been spending the afternoon trying to get out of coming into the office tomorrow. In fairness, the bank had kind of given people an opening by sending out a note earlier that everyone should “expect delays in your business travel, so plan accordingly.” Gorman and Co, however, have had enough of this “I’m commuting all the way from downtown,” “I’m a pussy,” etc. crap, and blasted out the following just now: “The Firm will be open for business throughtout this weather event.” So, please plan accordingly, by growing a pair. This is not DC.

Those of you who watched the Buffett/Paulson chat know that, sadly there’s been no talk of birds. But we did learn a thing or two.

1) Things are still bad, but on the upside, it could be worse, which is why Hank feels “fortunate.”

2) Bush “was like a mom” to Paulson, urging him to “exercise, get more sleep, eat healthy.”

3) That Nancy Pelosi kneeling thing was just him asking her to “please don’t go and blow this thing off,” because everyone was in “deep doo-doo.”

4) Comp was “out of whack even during benign times” but now people should be “showing some restraint.” “If you’ve had some losses, you have responsibilities.”

5) Congress should start doing its job, putting on some pressure and stop calling in snow days.

John Paulson for one. 9/11 conspiracy theorist Charlie Sheen for another.

And she’s sorry she missed her interview with the rainmakers and hopes they’ll be able to find it in their hearts to forgive her. Because they’re not like those other banks. They’re different.

From: [redacted at Rice]

Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2010 9:22 AM

To: [redacted at Jefferies]

Subject: Interviewee

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to sincerely apologize for not attending the interview I had scheduled with Jefferies & Company on Rice campus. I would also like to thank you for informing the CSPD, so as to keep me accountable for my selfish and careless actions. While I cannot take back time and no excuse suffices to rectify this great wronging, I would like to offer a brief explanation of my lack of attendance in hope that you will forgive me.

[click to view]
Obviously my pick is a question that merges both their favorite topics, birds for Paulson and huge cans for WB (“Have you ever found a titmouse in the brush, Hank? Would she have fit in on a Russ Meyer set?”)

Update: Paulson: “[George] Bush was like a mother to me.” So there’s that.

Watch Live: Buffett And Paulson [Omaha World Herald]

Related: Collapse Of Bear Stearns Took Away From Hank Paulson’s Bird Time
Folksy Business Wisdom And Abberant Sex Fetish, With Warren Buffett

S&P revised its outlook on Citi to negative from stable today, but we’re told that no one is losing sleep over it at the bank and this is pretty much a non-event. They all can go back to their blog writing and uber-derivatives-creating safely.

S&P’s rationale is that if Financial Armageddon 2.0 were to come, they’re not too sure about “the U.S. government’s willingness to provide additional extraordinary support to highly systemically important financial institutions.”

Bernanke won’t be able to testify tomorrow before the House Financial Services Committee on the Fed’s exit strategy, because he’s “snowed in.” Right.

What should Ben do with his snow day, besides snow angels with Timmy?

As you’re aware, John Thain has a substance abuse problem. The substances are fabulous chaise lounges, antique desks, and curtains that cost $1,000/yard. John’s brain is wired to think he needs these things and more to perform at the top level shareholders of the companies he’s run have grown accustomed to. Obviously this isn’t a healthy addiction JT’s struggling to overcome, and clearly he’s still in the early stages of recovery, as noted by what he told Bloomberg, on the news he’d accepted the job to run CIT Group, and the executive suit that comes with the gig.

“I think I’ll keep my office exactly the way it is,” he said.

This is something addicts say in their first go at rehabilitation, when they think they’re bigger than the drugs. They want to overcome their demons, sure, but they have no idea how truly brutal and demanding the road ahead will be. It’s not realistic to say you will categorically never use again because, statistically speaking, almost everyone has at least one or two relapses, especially when put it high risk environments rife with triggers. Such as, the hideous office of one’s predecessor, which I don’t think John actually got a look at before taking the job, and certainly not prior to speaking with Bloomberg.

Macquarie employees, feel free to do what you will with her out in the open.