He tried to get a job at an investment bank, failed and went into hiding for about a year but Aleksey Vayner is back, my bitches, and doing what, you might ask? Trying to find a job. Yes, even people who can bench press one billion pounds on sheer exaggeration alone need some sort of way to pay the rent, and take it from someone who knows, 2-bedroom realities of one’s own making do not come cheap. Mr. Vayner has been making the rounds and just last week interviewed at a fund in New York that would only speak about the life change experience if we promised not to reveal its name, because taking a meeting with this guy (or not knowing who he was in the first place) does not tend to be good for anyone’s reputation.

We’re going to get the most disappointing stuff out of the way first, starting with the fact that Vayner’s no longer sending his CV out in video form. Bull shit, I know. Equally upsetting: AV’s resume no longer makes mention of the book he previously claimed to have written, “Women’s Silent Tears: A Unique Gendered Perspective on the Holocaust.” As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings, and I’m not really sure what the rationale was behind it. Additional letdowns—he's now going by "Alex" and is said to have come off as “personable,” “chatty,” and “laid back.” It’s like, who the hell is this guy? Luckily, that only lasted for about five minutes, at which point he took off his normal person mask and became the monstrously arrogant and, dare we say it, sociopathic liar we all know and love.

Was the video he sent to UBS an error in judgment? No, was not an error in judgment, fuck you very much. It was just, in the words of the Maestro, “taken out of context.” Oh, and he’s got another book coming out (ETA, Summer 2008). It’s called the Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success , and is based on Aleksey’s experience with the rich people he met through tennis and skiing. He wrote it because, honestly, he’s read every professional development book out there, and they’re mostly full of crap. Obviously he could do better, so he did (that’s called initiative and the ability to do simple math, just two of the many qualities he offered the firm). Aleksey’s tome—a cross between a hard finance book and a self-help guide—works because it teaches you to “train your mind to have the right attitude toward money, and then shows you how to get it.” Seriously, just buy it, you’ll love it.

You’re probably wondering why Aleksey, who graduated in May, is just now looking for employment. Well wonder no longer—it’s because he was going to go pro in tennis, with a debut playing doubles in the US Open. Unfortunately, his partner hurt his wrist two hours before their match, and though he thought about playing as a single, Aleks just decided he might as well go into finance, at which he is equally if not more so adept.

Earlier: Everything we've ever written about Aleksey Vayner.

Aleksey Vayner's Somewhat Toned-Down Resumé [Word doc]

Meet John D. Villarreal, Esq - successful lawyer, investment banker, venture capitalist, retail broker, TV/Radio personality, reporter, political consultant, professional trainer, motivational speaker, power lifter, athlete, dungeon master, alter boy and farm-hand. Learn about these amazing accomplishments to a blistering techno groove.

The best, most informative part of Villarreal's interactive flash resume is the very last "Personal Bio" section. Some highlights:

Personal Bio

John grew up on a farm with all the farm animals you could think of [wombats, unicorns] and had a rural delivery (RD) box as opposed to a mailing address [do you know how freaking difficult it is to have an Asian pen-pal with a RD box?!]. At home, John and all his brothers and sisters helped out on the farm working all 256 acres [not an acre less, although acres 137-186 were always a little touch and go]. John was very good at working [like a scorned New Zealander] with the horses, sheep and growing crops [the other things he was very bad at working].
...
Interestingly [really?], from a very young age, around 4 or 5 [3 or 6], John had been fascinated with business, stocks, politics, technology and sports [dinosaurs]. He often would play with early-version computers or Dungeons and Dragons [he’s a lvl 7 half-elf sorcerer wielding a mighty vorpal Tandy 1000 + 1]… John also read many books on investing and building businesses or lifting weights [master of the pump and dump].
...

The bio goes on and on, but more highlights after the jump...

JDV, John D. Villarreal, Esq. [Humbling Flash Resume]

Does everybody remember Albert Hsu, the wacky hedge fund manger (of Anchor Point Capital) who got in some hot water with the authorities when they found out that the he'd posted an ad on an undisclosed website (a guess: Craigslist) looking for someone to “rape and abduct his former mistress”? Sure you do. Apparently he may be released from jail as early as next week if he agrees to be treated for a bipolar disorder, which he claims to have.

Our friends at FINaltnernatives, who are apparently into this kind of thing, report that Paul Ferencek, the prosecutor, opposed the motion, arguing that the victim continues to be “greatly afraid for her safety” (which we’ll buy) and disputing the defense’s claim that Hsu is actually bipolar (we’ll take that one, too). Robert Bello, Hsu’s lawyer, told the judge that his client is not a flight risk, and that it will be difficult to plan a case with him in jail, because they would have limited opportunities to meet (and not because Hsu has a profile on Collarme.com, which FINalternatives also just happened to have on hand).

At a hearing in March, Hsu pleaded not guilty but also said that he was “greatly embarrassed for his actions.” It's unclear if he was referring to the deal with the mistress, or the fact that he'd given himself the moniker Master AWH 1964, or for not having gone to work for James Simons, because that guy's got some great returns. Your guess is as good as ours

Earlier on Dealbreaker: So Hsu Me, With A Side of Impossible Being The Opposite of Possible

Hsu May Be Released From Jail Next Week [FINalternatives]

Finally we come to the man who needs no introduction, Aleksey Vayner. We discovered Aleksey when his resume reached our desks, and on its second page there was a web address for his personal website. That led to his video resume, which was one of the most amazing things we had ever seen.

It had the vague feeling of a bad infomercial. The fake interview format. The cutaways to demonstrative videos of Aleksey skiing, dancing, lifting weights, playing tennis and using his ninja powers to break bricks like he was Vice Chancellor Leo Strine. The completely straight forward way it used motivational speaking clichés as if they were part of an actual human dialect. The bad lighting.

The video was so good—by which we mean awful—that we thought we were being set-up. The guy was at Yale, where the publish the Rumpus. Maybe this was some sort of smart-alec ivy-league prank. Was some clever kid inside Calhoun hall rocking back in his dorm room, waiting for the world to take his bait.

But it was all too real. Very soon the video was everywhere, and Aleksey Vayner was everywhere as well. Newspapers tracked him down, and he went into hiding somewhere in an area of Manhattan called “uptown.” As far as we can tell, he’s never been heard from again.

We wouldn’t have had the same year without you Aleksey. Whenever we raise a glass and think about DealBreaker’s first year pounding the pavement keyboard, we’ll raise it a bit higher because of you. Thanks man.

And a big cheers to Warren and Lucy, too. And to all the other stories that made this such a fun and wild first year. May there be many more to come, years and stories.

And another thanks to you, our readers. This was all made possible because of you—literally, you guys sent us most of what we used. So thanks. Really. Keep it coming. Tips(at)dealbreaker(dot)com. And keep reading, commenting and making money. It’s what makes our world go around.

After the jump we bring you the original Aleksey Vayner video: Imposible Is Nothing.

Here is the link to our first ever Aleksey Vayner post. And here is our entire Aleksey Vayner archive.

[And one more note: there's still so much we couldn't get to today that we're extending our birthday through tomorrow! All weekend, in fact. It's a DealBreaker birthday extravaganza!]

Just when we had finally excised Aleksey Vayner from our consciousness (and his cease-and-desists from our inbox...), he pulls us back in. If you haven't seen it yet--and really, you must--here's Michael Cera's (of Arrested Development fame) brilliant Aleksey Vayner parody:

Impossible Is The Opposite of Possible [YouTube]

Impossible may be nothing, but somethings may be unspoofable. And we’re starting to think that the Aleksey Vayner video is one of those things. We’ve watched a few of these spoofs, and we’re unimpressed. None of them even approaches the outrageousness of the origina, real, non-spoof Aleksey vid.

In fact, when we first saw the video we thought it was so brilliantly hysterical that it had to be a spoof. Turns out it was just funny because it was true. Except that parts that weren’t true—which were funny because they weren’t.

Somethings spoof themselves kids. Don’t waste your time trying to spoof Aleksey.

Even Vayner [YouTube]
Aleksey Vayner Impossible is Nothing SPOOF [YouTube]

It's even Halloween themed!

The kids over at Gawker have posted the latest Aleksey Vayner video on YouTube. This time he's battling with Deborah Norville. (And yes, this whole "one post leading to another" is spooking us out today too. This is a blog. We're not after narrative consistency here!).

The best part is that Aleksey says he is sticking by the video, and given a chance to go back and do it all over would have done it all over! Finally, he's starting to take our advice! Never learn from your mistakes, Aleksey. Stay golden!

We like CNBC’s On The Money. And not just because they had the luscious Julia Boorstin interview us about Wall Street bonuses on Wednesday. They’ve got the right sensibility for covering Wall Street—except, you know, the whole being-on-the-air during-happy-hour thing. (We actually missed our own segment the other day because our bar insisted on showing the Mets pre-game instead of the CNBC feed.)

But we like them even more today because they are offering some good advice to Aleksey Vayner. (You've got to click on the link to the video since they MSNBC hasn't quite got the whole embedded video thing down yet). Everyone’s been hating on Aleksey lately, and we’ve felt like the only ones offering him some useful, practical advice. Aleksey gave us all at least a week’s worth of chuckles. What’s to hate? Good on the OTM for taking the high road.

The gist of the advice from OTM: forget Wall Street. Think Madison Avenue. Jay Whitehead of HRO Today Magazine says, “This kid has some advertising, some marketing savvy. Maybe a little hint of genius.”

This is your calling, Aleksey. You already have a job offer from none other than Donny Deutsch. Go for it! And if anyone around you tells you that you can’t succeed—cross them off your list!

Video resume becomes joke of Wall St. [CNBC on MSNBC.com]

Yesterday viral video star Aleksey Vayner pushed himself back up out of the obscurity that was starting to overtake him by talking with the New York Post. Today he’s given his first sit down interview since the story broke—with Michael J. de la Merced of the New York Times. It seems that he’s taking a leave of absence from Yale to do promotional media interviews until this whole thing blows over.

We still think Aleksey’s going about this the wrong way. Aleksey—you’ve got to run with this. You are “pure gold”—as one of the investment bankers who forwarded your email around put it. Drop the lawyer and get an agent. Someone who can book you as a guest host on Saturday Night Live. Someone who can get you a book deal—Impossible Is Nothing: The Aleksey Vayner Guide to Success At Everything. Someone who…

Look. Let’s have lunch. We’ve got some great ideas. Stop talking to the newspaper guys. Stick with the folks what made you—the interwebs. We’ve got a great future together. We can feel it.

The Resume Mocked ‘Round the World [DealBook]

Just when we thought the story was beginning to fade—IvyGate had declared a moratorium on it, Gawker seemed to be returning its attention to the children of celebrities, we were ginning up another hotties contest—Aleksey Vayner is pouring fuel onto his own burning effigy, hiring a lawyer and telling the New York Post he might sue UBS if the bank’s employees were responsible for leaking his now-infamous video.

"Institutions like this are expected to maintain complete privacy," Aleksey Vayner told The Post. "If a graduate cannot trust them with the privacy of their resumé, how can people trust them with their money?" Last month, he sent UBS a link to the video, as well as a written resume, references and a writing sample, through Yale's job-recruiting service.

The video features Vayner supposedly bench-pressing 495 pounds, karate-chopping through a stack of seven bricks, ballroom dancing and smashing a 140 mph tennis serve.

"I thought it would help me get a job," said the native of Uzbekistan.

Instead, he got thousands of scathing e-mails from people who saw the video.

"It was shocking," he said of the response. "[It has] put me and my family under a great amount of stress and greatly affected future employment in a negative sense."

Some advice to Aleksey. We understand you might be enjoying the spotlight and want to prolong your now fifteen days of fame. But this is the wrong way to go about it. You need to embrace the public's image of you. Play to it. Make another video. You'll probably land a cable television series based on "Impossible Is Nothing" is you work this right. Everyone would love to see you on a date, ordering at a restaurant, anything, so long as you keep in your character.

Video Resume Leak Has Yalie Crying Foul [New York Post]

DealBreaker founder Elizabeth Spiers is scheduled to be on Fox’s Inside Edition at 11:30 this morning. You should totally tune in and catch up on the latest in Aleksey Vayner news. (If you are outside of New York, click here for local listings.)

And if you want to study up ahead of time, check out our Alksey Vayner archives.

Of course, this hasn’t actually gone through the trouble of actually happening. Yet. It’s just the latest from the warped minds at the Long Or Short Capital blog. The set up is that Lucy Gao takes out a personal ad inviting readers to a “party” that is taking place in her pants. And Aleksey responds. Now if only LOSC had them being chauffeured around by Warren Buffett and Eugene Plotkin cutting in on their dance, this would be the perfect DealBreaker item.

We were especially happy about how LOSC imagines Aleksey Vayner describing the past week of his life.

Before last week, I was basically nothing having only started my own investment fund, won the grand slam of men’s tennis, outdrinken and outskiied Bode Miller in the winter Olympics, won the Nobel peace prize for the charity which I started, held the Street Fighter II machine in my local arcade for 15 straight hours and bedded 5,437 women. This week, I have accomplished so much more and been named the CEO of Vayner Lehman Stern UBS, after I brokered the deal which brought them together in a merger. The key was getting them to focus on my revolutionary “never lose money” investment strategy.

And for you true DealBreaker fanatics, you may want to tune into Fox’s Inside Edition tomorrow morning. We’ll be making an appearance to talk about Aleksey Vayner at 11:30 AM. See you then!

Aleksey Vayner Responds to the Online Personal Ad of Lucy Gao [LongOrShortCapital.com]

Update: Matt Lauer kicks Aleksey in the proverbial, nationally televised balls.

We had our clothes on and were legitimately about to walk out the door when Matt and Meredith got in on the fun. As everyone knows, we'd never say no to a roll in the hay with M&M so for all those who haven't seen it-- you sir and that guy behind you, yes, with the checked shirt-- we're bringing it back, one last time.

That's right. It's the Aleksey Vayner video. We know we've run this before but this is a full-service website and we don't want you you to have to sully your hands in our archives, we're brining you the link once again. (And our thanks to the kids at IvyGate for posting this up on Veoh.)

We tried to leave young Aleksey Vayner behind but America demands more. This morning he was featured on the Today show, which showed clips of his now infamous "Impossible Is Nothing" video (accompanied by some misleading reporting about how the story spread) at about quarter to eight. Except for Matt Lauer, the cast of the today show—Al Roker and whoever those women are—felt a bit bad for Aleksey. Lauer, who has appeared in more than his own share of embarrassing video moments, obviously thought that there were more than enough troubles in the world for us to start worrying about some kid hopped-up on motivational speaking and his own sense of self-worth.

Anyway, after the jump, you can read a letter we’ve been told is Aleksey’s solicitation to potential “patients” who might want to avail themselves of his expertise in eastern medicine.

[Just discovered the internets and no idea who Aleksey Vayner is? Check out our exclusive Aleksey Vayner archive for more information.]

Just a minor question, Ben McGrath, because, honest to God, we're really not sure ourselves-- chronologically, which comes first, 10.06.06 at 02:17 PM or 10.06.06 04:21 PM? Also, what do you make of this statement by IvyGate: "[Ed. note: We rushed this online as soon as we got it, only to notice Dealbreaker.com had it a little while ago.]"?

Aleksey The Great [The New Yorker]

You have no idea how painful it was to copy and paste this possibly legit email; easier than screen-capturing this, yes, but harder than, say, a possibly legit email from parties associated with Jeffrey Epstein. But that's probably 'cause we're really big fans of his work with towels. Whatever. Anyhow, we got this last night and we figured if we're going to do something right it might as well be living up to our parent company's name, since God knows we're pretty much two steps away from accidentally burning this whole thing down, and we kind of owe it to them*:

From: Nansi Xu [redacted]
Sent: Sunday, October 15, 2006 2:48 AM
To: IvyGate; tips-db
Subject: Aleksey Vayner's Dance Partner on Video

Hello,

This is a friendly message from the girl dancing with Aleksey Vayner in his video "Impossible is Nothing." Lately, I've been receiving a lot of emails from inquisitive strangers who have seen me on his video and have asked me more details on Aleksey, the video, and myself. I can't answer any questions on Aleksey or the accusations, since I don't think it is my position to do so, and for all of you who wanted to know more through me, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. However, I do wish to set the record straight on my role in the video.

*If you don't know this we've really got nothing left to say to you.

The Aleksey Vayner story won't die. Not least because he seems unable to stop making things up. Here's how the Saturday's Wall Street Journal describes his possible "privacy lawsuits."

After initially saying in an interview that he was exploring privacy lawsuits, Mr. Vayner asked that further requests go through his Fort Lee, N.J., attorney. The lawyer said, via her assistant, that she doesn't represent Mr. Vayner. Mr. Vayner didn't respond to further requests for comment.

We know! We know! We promised no more daily Aleksey updates. But we've actually got news today!

We're hearing that Aleksey Vayner was spotted interviewing at Credit Suisse. One of our commenters noted that some other Yale students interviewing at Credit Suisse claim to have seen the viral video sensation at the investment bank. A source within Credit Suisse later confirmed that some at the bank claim to have seen Vayner, although our source did not witness his appearance.

So is this true? Impossible is nothing. If you have any more information, send it out way. Tips (at) dealbreaker (dot) com. And if you are Aleksey, please get back in touch. You’ve got our email. We’d love to speak to you! We’ll even buy you lunch if you agree to meet with us. Thanks.

The Aleksey Vayner story lives on. Nothing new has really been uncovered. It’s still all about the video and a few other crazy things he’s allegedly said. Like killing 24 in the caves of Tibet. But (at least today) we won’t let the lack of any actual events deny you your afternoon fix of Our Man At Yale.

• Aleksey hits London’s Daily Mail and the Sun.
• The New York Post calls his video a “six minute egomercial.”
• David Weidner likes his style.
• The president of Charity Navigator calls for Yale to expel Aleksey
• The Cornell Daily sums up the news from New Haven for the kids in Ithaca.
• And, in case you missed it the first time around (which many of you did because you keep emailing the link to us), on pages 12 and 13 of this issue of the Rumpus there is a hilarious article on the pre-video debacle Aleksey Garber (now Vayner)
• Gawker initiates a the Douchebag Hall of Fame in Aleksey’s honor.

Let’s just admit that this Aleksey Vayner thing is probably already over. When even IvyGate starts sounding tired of the story, you know it’s on its last legs. It’ll probably continue to snake its way through the mainstream media and no doubt some people are just now discovering the “Impossible Is Nothing” video (if so, here it is!). But we’ve almost had enough of it now. Unless something actually, you know, like, happens we might have to retire our daily Vayner updates. Let us know what you think.