Credit Suisse is totally not going steady with Bear Stearns. Ruddy Brady Dougan—the Irishman who is somehow chief executive of the Swiss bank—told Credit Suisse bankers at the meeting of the Committee To Run The World in Davos, Switzerland that a deal to acquire Bear Stearns is a “non-starter,” according to Mark DeCambre at TheStreet.com.

But now everyone is awkward about it. Bear spokespeople decline to comment, look away embarrassed. The Swiss aren’t talking either, just staring down at their shoes mumbling about already having plans and such.

Credit Suisse CEO Squashes Bear Stearns Takeout Talk [TheStreet.Com]

Last week the Prime Minister of Qatar told CNBC's Maria Bartiromo that the Qatar Investment Authority was "doing something" with one of the Swiss banks, prompting many conclude that the rumors of a large capital injection were true. But the Prime Minister insisted that he wasn't taking a passive "capital injecting" role but had been out in the market buying stocks.

So which Swiss bank was the QIA "doing something" with and what were they doing? That coy little primte minister wasn't saying last week but this morning the Sunday Telegraph reports that the QIA is considering buying as much as a 5% stake in Credit Suisse. The rules of the Swiss stock exchange require disclosure if an investment his 3 per cent of the company, and so far no disclosure has been forthcoming.

The Telegraph puts this in context:

Sovereign wealth funds from Abu Dhabi, China, Dubai and Singapore have snapped up large stakes in banks such as Citigroup, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley and UBS as they wilted under the weight of huge losses related to the implosion of the American sub-prime mortgage industry.

Any investment in Credit Suisse by the QIA or another sovereign investor would, however, be seen differently. Other than a $1.9bn writedown related to the sub-prime crisis announced in November, the bank has so far emerged comparatively unscathed from the credit crunch and has avoided the need to seek recourse to cash-rich foreign governments in order to recapitalise its balance sheet.

Qataris poised to snap up $3bn stake in Credit Suisse [Sunday Telegraph]

A (very) recently fired Credit Suisse employee tells us that “Every conference room on the CMBS floor has an HR representative working through people as they show up for work. Analysts and Associates seem to be the first out the door.” We understand that for the victims, this might seem like bad news, and yeah, you’ll probably feel weird about going to Shake Shack for a while, but the flipside is that you won’t have to deal with the embarrassment of being employed by Bear Stearns, when the two banks merge. In related news, Morgan Stanley has announced plans for its own population restructuring, as modeled after the redistribution project in the Sudan. If you have any other info, feel free to share, or not share, otherwise, enjoy this one on me:

Former Credit Suisse investment banker Hafiz Naseem pleaded not guilty yesterday to allegations that he was "the mastermind" behind a $7 million insider-trading ring in which he leaked details about nine deals that Credit Suisse was an adviser on, including the $45 billion leveraged buyout of TXU. The prosecution's foolproof rebuttal? Naseem had a gambling problem, and was up to his toes in $5,000 of debt, which is totally a plausible reason for committing a $7 million felony. Geniuses. (A lawyer for Naseem has denied these accusations as well, saying that while the $5,000 debt part of the story is true, the gambling part is not. It was a heroin thing, and was taken care of in a completely legal fashion.)

Credit Suisse Case Shocker [NYP]

So last week we broke the story of layoffs at Credit Suisse. At the time we were hearing that as many as 400 people were going to be laid off. When Credit Suisse finally formally announced the job cuts the next day, they claimed they were only cutting 150 positions.

So it seemed like the initial information we had from insiders at Credit Suisse overstated the depth of the cuts. Until today.

Today the gnomes of Madison Park said that they are cutting an additional 170 fixed income positions.

Total job losses at Credit Suisse so far: 320. Just 80 more and our first report will be proven correct!

The story of job cuts at Credit Suisse are all over the wires today. The official body count is 150. The most serious carnage came in an unsurprising area of originating and processing residential mortgages. The same areas that Lehman and Bear Stearns cut back.

These aren't considered "Wall Street" jobs by most folks in finance, and cuts those positions have been met with shrugs. If you've spent at least a couple of hours sober in the last two months, you probably knew mortgage origination was taking a haircut.

But at least some of those losing their jobs were New York based mortgage bond traders and sales staff, according to a Credit Suisse executive who spoke to the New York Post's Roddy Boyd. This is the first time we've heard the credit crunch monster chewed up some actual traders.

Good news is that the actual number of job cuts seems to be far smaller than the rumored four hundred. The better news is that lines might be a bit shorter at the Shake Shack. Those bond trader boys can eat.

Credit Suisse's A Bond Victim [New York Post]

Update 11:45 PM: DealBook is reporting that the investment bank is laying off about 150 workers from its mortgage-backed securities unit. Sourced to "a person with knowledge of the matter."

Earlier reports: Credit Suisse is rumored to have laid off a massive amount of New York employees today. The whisper number for the layoffs was 400 people in New York. Two people familiar with the situation say that within the bank that's the number people are talking about. DealBreaker has been given strong reason to believe that the actual number number is far lower. We're also told that no investment bankers have been laid off.

The layoffs are said to be a continuation of similar layoffs in mortgage related units at other investment banks, according to a knowledgeable source. The gossip had been that the structured products group took the hit. But we spoke to someone at the structured products desk at Credit Suisse who says that his group is still hiring.

This summer’s credit crunch and subsequent drying up of the leveraged buyout market, have sparked persistent rumors and predictions of job losses on Wall Street. It's clear that there are lots of jitters all across Wall Street.

Credit Suisse could not immediately be reached for comment. We'll update this space as we get more information.

Update 6:30: We're sending a reporter over there to see what's up. Will scout nearby bars for CSers drowning their sorrows.

Update 7:00 We're out of here. Check comments below for additional rumor-mongering. We'll check back in later tonight when we've had a chance to check our email again.

Finally, the National Pension Service (NPS) of South Korea is letting some of the bulge bracket banks into its $220 billion coffers. Morgan Stanley and Credit Suisse are the first to get a piece of the pie, although we hope they aren't that hungry. South Korea is condescending to let Morgan Stanley and Credit Suisse manage $500 million and $450 million respectively, for a whopping(ly disappointing) three years.

"Oh. Um...great. Well, thanks, I guess," said Morgan Stanley Investment Management's Asia Head, Blair Pickerell, while David Blumer, Credit Suisse's chief executive officer for asset management, reenacted the title track from Oliver! the musical ("Please, Sir, I want some more.").

Taking a note from its batty Northern neighbor, the NPS deals exclusively in five-year plans, from MarketWatch:

NPS plans to double the proportion of its offshore investment to 20% by 2012, when it expects to have assets worth KRW400 trillion, it said recently when it unveiled its 2007-2012 investment strategy. Global asset managers will manage all of its offshore investments during the period, but NPS plans to gradually increase its direct offshore investment after that. It also targets to further increase its international investment allocation to 50% sometime around 2040, when NPS's assets are forecast to reach KRW2,600 trillion.

NPS does plan on throwing scraps to some other major banks to manage funds in the future, although it's several five-year plans away.

Morgan Stanley, Credit Suisse to manage Korean national pension assets [MarketWatch via DealBook]

Lehman may have dominated day one of the JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge, but day 2 was more bearish for bankers, and bullish for GlaxoSmithKline. Day 2 also featured faster times overall.

GlaxoSmithKline was responsible for two explosive runs on the women’s side, courtesy of over the counter diet drug Alli, and the fact that the top two finishers, both from GSK, did not bring a pair of dark running shorts. Jessie Webb ran a 20:03 and Christa Meyer ran a 20:24, losing an impressive 7 pounds.

The only banker in the women’s top five was Sumitomo’s Katarina Melville who finished in third with a 20:27. Only a financial services employee, accustomed to much longer periods of getting shat on, was able to draft the GSK girls so closely.

Andy Bishop from GSK finished in fifth for the men with an 18:40.

The top two male finishers from last year squared off in the same race this time, and finished in the same order. Karl Dusen from AIG ran a 17:25 and John Traugott of Credit Suisse ran a 17:48. Dusen finished with the top overall time (too early to start “Dynasty” talk?), while Traugott’s time was 6 seconds off yesterday’s top finisher, placing him in third overall.

Click here to take a photographic journey of the race.

2007 New York results [JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge]

DealBook reports that Credit Suisse has added two new managing directors to its investment banking group. Tom Delbrook joins the firm’s general industrial and services group from UPS. Markus Pressdee is in as head of new infrastructure, having worked as a banker at UBS.

Credit Suisse Adds to Investment Banking Team [DealBook]

A Citigroup associate and a JP Morgan analyst put it best: there is no food in midtown that compares to the Shake Shack. It is worth the 20-plus block trek.

Senior Burger/Fries (And Milkshake, If You're Feeling Naughty) Correspondent Scott Bressler and I spent some QT up there today to check out a tip about Credit Suisse associates and analysts sending interns to wait on the arduously long but totally worth it S-Shack line.

One guy who's apparently not above waiting 45 minutes for his 'Shroom burger is newly crowned Credit Suisse chief executive Brady Dougan. We're assuming Brady bought his Diet Dr. Pepper--his noted drink of choice--at the Walgreens across the street. The S-Shack only sells regular DP. (Completely unacceptable. Come on, Danny Meyer, know your c-suite customers!).

We'll be back all next week between the hours of 12-2ish. Join us, and we'll all get lunch on Carney.

Federal prosecutors yesterday brought criminal charges against Pakistani banker Ajaz Rahim, who they allege traded on inside information leaked to him by a junior Credit Suisse banker. Rahim is a prominent figure in Pakistani investment banking, and until quite recently worked as the country head of investment banking of the Faysal Bank in Karachi.

The picture to the left appears to be of Rahim and Farook Bengali, the chief executive of Faysal. It was prominently placed on the bank's website until recently but has been removed. DealBreaker was not able to confirm that the picture is Rahim.

Earlier this month, federal prosecutors arrested Hafiz Mohammed Zubair Naseem, a junior associate in the energy group at Credit Suisse, on charges that he had leaked information on nine deals which his employer was involved with, including the buyout of Texas energy giant TXU. At the time of the arrest, prosecutors said that Naseem had leaked the information to a banker in Pakistan but did not name him. A little more than a week later, the SEC amended its civil complaint against Naseem and named Rahim as a defendant. The complaint alleges that in at least twenty-five instance, Rahim made trades several minutes after concluding phone calls with Naseem.

An arrest warrant has been issued for Rahim but his whereabouts are currently unknown. After the SEC named him as a defendant, Rahim’s lawyer , Spencer Barasch, had said that his client would not come the US for a deposition in the suit unless he received guarantees that he would not be arrested. Naseem had also said he planned to call Rahim as a witness for the defense in his own trial.

Through his lawyer, Rahim is denying any wrong doing. “Mr. Rahim looks forward to vigorously defending himself against the charges,” Barasch told DealBook yesterday.

U.S. Attorney Charges Pakistani Banker with Insider Trading [DealBook]
Banker faces insider trade charge [BBC]

Yesterday federal prosecutors charged Hafiz Muhammad Zubair Naseem, a Credit Suisse investment banker, with insider trading. He is accused of tipping off a banker in Pakistan with information about nine corporate acquisitions, including the TXU buyout.

It appears that Naseem was more or less a full-time insider trading professional, using his position—as well as his office phone—at Credit Suisse to obtain information about deals and leak them to his foreign contact from the very start. The SEC says he began his lawbreaking “[i]immediately upon obtaining employment at Credit Suisse in March 2006.”

But he doesn’t seem to have been especially clever about it. This wasn’t an elaborate system of dead-drops, or tips passed along through cut-outs. Naseem was simply calling his banker-buddy in Pakistan with the information. Did he really think he’d get away with that for very long? Apparently the answer is yes.

The good news is that Credit Suisse seems to have played a role in catching him. “We immediately brought the activities of this employee to the attention of the relevant authorities,” the Swiss bank said in a statement. Since this type of insider trading is basically theft from his employers and clients, it is good to see that Credit Suisse apparently helped uncover his alleged activities.

Naseem is 37 years old, and a Pakistani national. He worked for the Global Energy Group at Credit Suisse. In addition to TXU, Naseem is accused of passing along tips involving Hydril Co., Trammell Crow Co., John H. Harland Co., Energy Partners Ltd., Veritas DGC Inc., Jacuzzi Brands Inc., Caremark Rx Inc. and NorthWestern Corp. He is charged with one count of conspiracy and 25 counts of securities fraud.

Credit Suisse Employee Arrested, Charged With Insider Trading [Bloomberg]

The results of yesterday’s “Which bank has the dirtiest working conditions” poll are in. Some of the results may surprise you, some may not. If you actually read what we wrote about Bear Stearns’s in-house cafeteria and its 42 health-code points violations, for instance, you won’t (or shouldn’t) be surprised to learn that it landed in the top three (and if you read the part about contaminated food and inadequate levels of personal cleanliness and are still stunned, don’t invite us over to your home any time soon). If you didn’t know, though, that the 85 Broad is basically one step away from a gas station restroom on the Garden State Parkway (going South), you might be a bit caught off guard to learn that the Kingdom also landed at the top of the list of shame (all that glitters is not gold, indeed). Let’s examine the cold hard (dirty, disgusting, scatological) facts now.

It's now been a full day since Credit Suisse announced it had tapped American Brady Dougan to be its next chief executive. Everyone's been scrambling to figure out just who this Dougan fellow is and what it means. Fortunately, DealBreaker spent our morning scouring the business media for news, insights and colorful stories so you don't have to. Bloomberg, the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal's "Heard on the Street" seem to have all the best stuff. And since it's Friday, and we love to do Media Roundups on Fridays, we bring you the Brady Dougan Media Roundup.

Beverage Preference: Diet Dr. Pepper, according to the New York Times. This clashes with a 2005 Business Week story claiming Dougan was a Diet Pepsi enthusiast.

To add to the confusion, the NYT notes "When the executive board of Credit Suisse went to dinner at the Savoy in Zurich Wednesday night to celebrate his appointment, Mr. Dougan dined on agnoletti and Diet Coke."

The unanswered questions: Has Dougan always preferred Diet Dr. Pepper? Has he switched? Or did someone get this detail wrong? Is Diet Dr. Pepper unavailable at the Savoy in Zurich?

DealBreaker was too ashamed to contact Credit Suisse with these pressing questions.

Nationality: American. First American ever to run Credit Suisse.

Exercise Preference: Marathons, according to the NYT, the Wall Street Journal and just about everyone else. The NYT has the killer detail—"his best time was 2 hours and 21 minutes (a pace of about 5 minutes and 40 seconds a mile)." Sometimes works out twice a day (NYT).

Personality type: He's a "shy workaholic" (Times) who sometimes works "18 hour days" (WSJ).

Work ethic: "Legendary" (NYT). Known to arrive at work at 5 am.

Age: Forty-seven, which as almost everyone notes, makes him the youngest head ever of "a global banking giant" (NYT).

Fashion statement: It seems that everyone notes he doesn't wear cuff-links. But this is old news. Business Week noted it in 2005. Who wears cuff-links in 2007 anyway? The NYT goes further, describing Dougan as " disheveled."

Marital status: Divorced. Two kids. (NYT)

Social life: "Intensely private" the NYT notes, adding that Dougan "does not appear in the social pages nor does he seem to revel in the fine wine and bright lights of Manhattan’s financial elite." Indeed, a search of NYSocialDiary.com found not one entry for Dougan.

Financial background: He started out as a derivatives guy, and his elevation makes him the first derivatives guy to run a global banking institution. (Bloomberg)

Managerial Reputation: He's a famous cost-cutter. He cut back on town cars (NYT), color copying and staff parties (Bloomberg)

Risks: "A question mark is Mr. Dougan's ability to lead Credit Suisse's other core business, wealth management," the WSJ says.

Hidden Talent: From the Times of London: "he has twice dressed up at corporate functions as the blonde one in Abba. The female one, that is. Agnetha. Apparently the Swiss contingent weren’t terribly amused."

Stepping Lively at Credit Suisse [New York Times]

The American in Zurich [Wall Street Journal]

Dougan Leads Derivative Traders to First Top Bank Job [Bloomberg]