Jeffrey Epstein, the high school math teacher turned mysterious money manager turned convicted sex criminal, has been appointed to the board of a charity run by Apollo founder Leon Black, Cityfile is reporting. It's unclear what the relationship between Black and Epstein might be, although Cityfile speculates that Epstein might be managing Black's money.

City file also turns in this bit of titillating news:

Black's foundation's funds were kept in accounts at Bear Stearns and Epstein was a major Bear client, and was reported to have lost close to $60 million when Bear's hedge funds went south.

Jeffrey Epstein, the billionaire money manager serving time for soliciting sexual massages from Palm Beach area girls, isn't exactly lonely in jail. During his first month at the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office's 17-acre stockade, fifty-five Epstein was visited by two attractive girls in their twenties who allegedly played a role in facilitating his rub and tug habits.

Twenty nine year old Sarah Kellen (pictured right), Epstein's ever-present personal assistant who allegedly arranged Epstein's liaisons with local high school girls, made three visits to Epstein in July, according to the Palm Beach Post. Nadia Marcinkova (pictured left), 23, who has been described as a "sex slave" Epstein purchased from her family in Eastern Europe, visited Epstein four times last month. (Nadia, who reportedly was a real estate agent for Douglas Elliman, lists her address as a Manhattan apartment near Epstein's Upper East Side mansion.)

Epstein's also been visited by a couple of scientist friends of his, according to the Post.

Tycoon Epstein draws eclectic mix of visitors to jail [Palm Beach Post]

Here’s some terrible news sure to send you into a downward spiral ending on cold tiles of the Bear Stearns’s fourteenth floor men’s room, pants around your ankles and shotgun in hand (which, for some people—non-senior BSC executives—would be considered a bad thing): Jeffrey Epstein accuser, Maximilian Cordero, has broken it off with boyfriend/lawyer/blogger William Unroch. Cordero, for those who might have unconscionably forgotten, is the aspiring model who claims billionaire massage enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein lured her underage self into his den of iniquity on the promise that he and his friends would help her with her career, and maybe even get her into the Victoria’s Secret catalog if Cordero would only “be nice to him,” which, in Epstein-speak, translates to standing around awkwardly while he jerked off into a towel. Cordero’s also the one (alleged) victim, that we know of, who has the distinction of being born a man (having pulled a fast one on Epstein by taking hormone pills since she was sixteen, displaying a rack that impressed many a DealBreaker reader, and using the nickname Max, which could really go either way). No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but hazarding a guess, we’re thinking it’s a distinct possibility that things started to go south for the couple when it was revealed that Cordero might’ve been over 18 at the time of her run in with Epstein, a fact that slightly undermines the case and the millions of dollars the couple was hoping to gain. That sort of disappointment would put a strain on any relationship, even those not involving trannies, purple vibrators and old men and their toupees. Cordero’s new lawyer is Jonathan Lenoir.

Major Twist In 'Minor' Sex Suit [NYP]

I’m not sure when or how we became the mouthpiece of gay pimp Billy Ash but apparently we are and all I’m saying is that we could all do a lot worse. As Mr. Ash’s representative, I’m supposed to tell you that he hosted a Mardis Gras party last night to benefit children with drug and alcohol problems in Seth Tobias’s name (pictures after the jump, as we have sponsors who threatened to pull ads if they saw “one more fat guy in a mask” to pander to). Ash will also be attending a mass service today for his old boss in San Diego, and all are welcome.

In other news, another one of massage enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein’s victims has come forward, seeking $50 million for being forced to touch the billionaire while he touched himself a few years ago in Palm Beach, Florida. In further news we finally scraped together the funds to buy one of those rotating chairs a few of you recommended so highly.

Circling back for a second, I would everyone to know that I am starting to take seriously my side gig as PR rep for a crazy, deli meat-gorging goomba and a gay pimp. First order of business is to try and secure a nomination for Mr. Ash at this event next year:

Radar has the details of the first suit brought against massage enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein in court (in November Epstein decided to take his chances and forgo a plea bargain. Ballsy. I like it.) The plaintiff, “Jane Doe,” is seeking $50 million from the Palm Beach billionaire. Unfortunately, it’s for pretty standard-issue Epstein stuff, and at no time mentions a transsexual named Maximilian. I’ve anticipated how disappointed DealBreaker readers will be to hear this news, and have enclosed a little treat which you’ll get shortly. First, the complaint from JD: the girl was underage, lured to Epstein’s house by personal assistant Sarah Kellan under the pretense of “giv[ing] a wealthy man a massage for monetary compensation” while wearing only a towel, forced to stand there awkwardly while Epstein masturbated into a towel, and sometimes be touched with a purple vibrator. On several occasions she was asked to bring friends. Now, the treat:

So much to mine from today’s New York feature on Jeffrey Epstein but the most basic thing is this: that man should be acquitted of all the charges. And we say this as people who were never the raging Epophiles you might find in the Times newsroom (I have pictures) or on the Goldman prop desk (I have video). We liked him okay, though we thought he was pretty stupid for getting caught and found his powers of perception to be somewhat lacking. But now we are converts. In fact, we’re writing this to you from the Church of Epstein. I’m sitting in the front row pew, Carney’s on his knees at the alter. You, too, will be joining us after you realize that this man:

+ Apologizes for being half an hour late with the excuse: “I never realized how many one-way streets and no-right-turns there are in midtown.”

+ Refers journalists looking for character witnesses to scientists (Nobel Prize winners, natch).

+ When compared to Icarus, asks: “Did Icarus like massages?”

+ Tells detectives (via his lawyer) that the reason he had so many massages is that he’s “very passionate about massages.”

+Lives “like a pasha.”

+ Nicknames his girls “Egg Beaters,” then has the brass to make them pay for the mugs and T’s he had made on Café Press.

+ While he may not have displayed the same innovative sexual deviancy as others, at least had the good sense not to get lured to his death by a shrewish wife who still hasn’t compensated the god damn pool cleaners for their services.

The authorities are clearly after the wrong person here. Jeffrey Epstein should not be behind bars. You know who should be behind bars? Teri Karush Rogers, and the 16 other current and former townhouse owners interviewed by the Times for an article about how much vertical living sucks (“You hate when you come home from a trip with a lot of luggage and have to drag it up the stairs, or you’re in a huge hurry to leave and you have to run back up to the third or fourth floor dressed up in high-heeled shoes because you’ve forgotten something,” “At first, she said, ‘it was sort of fun going up and down, and then we started bickering like little children about whose turn it was to get something’,” “What really stinks is when the doorbell rings and you’re breast-feeding on the fourth floor.”). Teri Karush Rogers and everyone at the NYT with three names. Those are the people who deserve caps in their asses. (Though that's just a for instance. Have a better execution ideas? Let us know.)

The Fantaist [NYM]

Speaking of, well, see below, Maximilia Cordero is now suing the New York Post for smearing 'her.' You’ll remember that Cordero came forward alleging she was raped by Jeffrey Epstein after word got around that the mysterious money manger would plead guilty to charges of soliciting prostitution down in Palm Beach. After she fired suit against Epstein for sexual misconduct when she was underaged, the Post printed stories alleging that Cordero was born a man.

And thus a new lawsuit was born. Now Cordero and her lawyer (and alleged sometime boyfriend) William Unroch have filed a lawsuit the Post, claiming it engaged in a smear campaign coordinated with Epstein’s flack Howard Rubenstein (who is also the publicist for the Post).

Radar has all the dirt, but here’s the dirtiest bit:

Conspicuously absent from the accusations is the Post's revelation that Cordero was born a man. A source tells Radar that the initial filing of the suit by Unroch includes as an exhibit a birth certificate, which showed Cordero being born Maximilia Cordero, a woman. Reached by phone this weekend, Unroch (with Cordero commenting loudly in the background but declining to come to the phone), called the Post's behavior "outrageous" but refused to address Cordero's birth gender or the authenticity of the birth certificate originally filed. "She's a woman," Unroch tells Radar. So, why not go after the Post's gender claims?

"It's a slam dunk case whether she was born a cat, a dog, or a space alien," Unroch says. He also claims to have phone records proving a series of calls between Epstein and the then-16-year-old Cordero. He names several Post reporters in the suit, including one from Australia, whose work status he says he plans to question along with the overall foreign labor use by the Post. "They came into my junkyard," Unroch says, "and I'm a pitbull. And I'm going to bite them so hard that they'll never do this to anyone else."

And now back to your regularly scheduled pictures of Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal.

Epstein's Accuser Sics Law Dog On Page Six [Fresh Intelligence]

The New York Post today checks in with mysterious money manager and massage devotee Jeff Epstein, and comes back with the re-assuring news that, despite rumors that he might try to fight the charges against him, Epstein is “resolute” about his plans to plead guilty to a single charge of soliciting underage prostitution. Epstein is expected to get an 18-month prison term.

Meanwhile, more bizarre stories about Epstein continue to emerge. Last week, the Daily News’ Rush & Molloy reported that Epstein allegedly used his friendship with Tommy Mottola to flatter young girls with a chance at a recording contract.

Bear Stearns, where Epstein got his start in finance, could not be reached for comment no matter how hard we stared at the phone and tried to dial it with our minds.

Cops Flops Letting Mogul Get Off Easy [New York Post]

Rock ‘n rollers have long known that money can’t buy love…but connections to the music business can. That may be why mysterious billionaire Jeff Epstein—who may be the most mysterious man whose ‘behind closed doors’ life details we known most about—allegedly liked to bring girls up to his buddy Tommy Mottola’s office to let them audition for the music bigwig. Apparently, the billions, the private island, and the jet weren’t enough to seal the deal. Sometimes Epstein would tell certain girls that he could get them record contracts, a source tells Rush & Molloy. We’ve also heard that Epstein would tell girls he could get them modeling contracts with Victoria Secret.

Rush & Molloy [New York Daily News]

From: William Unroch

To: tips@dealbreaker.com

Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2007 9:51 PM

Subject: Dealbreaker Tip

Delighted you have been reading Unroch's blog. 2 new wonderful stories "Can you psychically move a raspberry? And "Could a goose have laid a golden egg" I trust will be of great value to your readers". Minipigs may be passe

Now while I cant discuss the Epstein Cordero case I can give you this caveat. If Ms. Cordero had no contact with Epstein why does Epsteins private phone numbers and private very secret company NY Str ______, you can fill in the rest, appear on young Maximilia's 2000 and 2001 phone records many times. Why would a billionaire's private phone numbers be called repeatedly by a 16 year old. Worse yet why is Epstein repeatedly calling a 16 year old. Is that how "billionaires" manage money? You tell me.

Anyway please continue to read Unroch's Blog daily and your life will no doubt be enriched.

PS I have a feeling a major NYC daily newspaper is about to be in lots of trouble for knowingly printing a phoney story. Stay tuned.

Feel free to reprint in full

William J. Unroch

While he may be a fan of it, Jeffrey Epstein is no pussy. Radar hears that the lover o’ massages, charged with solicitation of underage prostitutes, has chosen forgo the plea bargain arranged by Ken Starr that would’ve sent him away for 18 months and not made him register as a sex offender. Instead, a jury trial that’s sure to bring lots of new evidence to the table (but what, though? The mind explodes with possibilities) is scheduled for January 7 at 9 am. Sadly, this update has nothing to do with possible transsexual Maximilia/n Cordero, but perhaps it was his/her balls that inspired Epstein to grow a pair and take a chance.

Epstein Shrinks from Plea Bargain [Radar]

In layman's terms: not really. Though “sources close to” USVI Governor, John P. deJongh Jr., whose election campaign Epstein has donated approximately $1 million to, say there may be “concern” that deJongh will now be associated with what a bunch of prudes really just blowing things out of proportion are calling “a sexual predator,” the fact that Epstein employs deJongh’s wife and pays for the deJongh children’s private school tuition should keep things copacetic (in addition to the political contributions, obviously). Plus, it’s the Virgin Islands, where you can do whatever you want (ask us about James Cayne’s drug mule-cum-kept-boy later, with which deJongh has "no prob"). The Gov has already commented that he finds it “highly appropriate” for his wife to continue working as the director of Epstein’s J. Epstein Virgin Island Foundation, an organization which gives exceptionally motivated young teens (male or female, as long as they show promise) scholarships to massage school to be followed by placement in one of Epstein’s homes, and clearly, it is. And though he hasn’t said anything about it on the record, the fact that he was cool with Jeffrey “regularly ferrying boatloads”—think about that: “boatloads”—of young ladies to Little St. James, Epstein’s island off the coast of St. Thomas, for the past several years, more or less seems to be deJongh’s blessing to “do what you want.”

Epstein's Tropic Isle of Babes [NYP]

When we said we weren’t fucking with you about continuing to write about the Jeffrey Epstein case, we weren’t fucking with you. The new allegations from Maximilia née Maximilian Cordero via her lawyer, William Unroch, about what went on when she/he/whatever hung out at Jeffrey Epstein’s apartment a few times during 2000 in an effort to “just be a model” are, among other things, that: Epstein knew that Cordero was a man and told Max, “You know we’re friends, you should not feel bad. Victoria’s Secret is that a lot of models are transgender. Why do you think they are so tall? Most runway models are, that’s why the height and body requirements are so rare”; an employee of Epstein (presumably Sarah Kellen), quelled Cordero’s reservations about the type of massage Epstein is known to be fond of by describing it as “a special massage” and saying “don’t worry, Rome wasn’t built in a day”; Victoria's Secret head Leslie Wexner gave Epstein permission to use the VS name to “harass and trap young models and teenage girl into performing sex acts…in return for promises of a modeling career” with the lingerie company; during one of the many spa sessions that took place, Epstein put on a red wig and lipstick and said to Cordero, “Call me Janice”; and that on at least on occasion, Cordero told Epstein “I’m Old Yella,” barked like a dog, and threatened to bite him.

What we’re getting from all this is that we are in the presence of two freaks in love who’ve yet to find other people with whom they can have truly freaky though perhaps-at-times-tender sex. Honestly, would you really be surprised if we found out this whole thing wasn’t some sort of elaborate hoax cooked up by Epstein and Cordero that the two are getting off on as we speak? I submit you would not. We (but mostly John) are all just pawns in their sick game. Kind of makes you feel bad for Unroch, who probably doesn’t even know he’s getting played by that tranny. Oh well-- it'll make a good story for the blog.

(And if it’s not a joke between Epstein and Cordero, then Unroch took it too far with the wig and lipstick. That’s just not believable. Epstein’s about massages and jerking off into terry-cloth, not cross-dressing. Rule ONE of extortion states that you must know your victim’s M.O. before you try to rob him blind. Honestly, it’s like learn your fucking lesson day around here.)

Epstein: 'Call Me Janice' [Radar]

In the grand tradition of trying to turn the (real or imaginary) sexual assault you suffered at the hands of a creepy old guy into stocks and bonds, everyone knows you don’t start at the top of the food chain. You get a few starter suits under your belt first, THEN you go to the top. Got to walk before you can run, got to allege “he put his hand on my knee and I didn’t like it” before you allege “he jerked off into a towel while I stood there awkwardly, and I think there might’ve been a purple vibrator in there, too” (those are just for instances).

A few years ago, Maximilia née Maximilian Cordero filed a $10 million lawsuit that accused her former lawyer, Glen Gentile, of statutory rape and endangering the welfare of a minor 2002, when she was “under the age of 17” (representing Cordero was her new—at the time—boyfriend/attorney, William Unroch). Unfortunately, the case got thrown out when the court informed Cordero (yes, it informed her) that in 2002, she was over the age of 17, and, actually almost 19. (For her part, Cordero said that she was “shocked” to find out how old she was.)

Not that anyone asked, but we blame Unroch in this situation, as he was probably receiving some sort of compensation to get this shit right. Cordero probably should’ve sacked her counsel then and there, but things get sticky when your lawyer’s also your boyfriend. Mercifully, this time, someone, presumably a third party, did the math, and placed Cordero’s repeated visits to Jeffrey Epstein’s house of perversion in their proper under-17 years-old place of 2000. Thank god, because otherwise, this whole thing might’ve come off as disingenuous. Anyway, enough of this inanity—where the hell is Loch Ness? No more on this case* ‘til we’ve heard her story.

S(h)e Has A History

*I kid-- we'd sooner stop writing about Tim Sykes.

Of course the Jeffrey Epstein case now involves allegations of sexual assault on a transsexual. This story has been begging for it since day one. Who is said she-male? Well, you already know her/him. That’s right, last week’s j’accusor Maximilia Cordero, who claims that she was the victim of some unwanted touching from Jeffery Epstein that she only went along with on numerous occasions because she “just wanted to be a model” was apparently “born Maximillian Cordero in 1983.”

The Post claims that Max has been dressing up as a girl since 12, and has had “cosmetic work” done to look more like a woman (which would explain the DSLs you all got so excited about when her picture first ran, but don’t worry, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay) and has been taking hormone treatments for almost a decade. On one of Max’s MySpace pages, she’s checked the male gender box, and also describes herself as “a spoiled bitch and really mean.” And, no thanks to Epstein, who promised he could get her into the Victoria’s Secret catalogue if she was “nice,” Max has been doing steady modeling work, along with part time attendance at F.I.T.

Cordero’s lawyer, William Unroch of William Unroch’s Blog fame denies that his client is a man, saying, “She’s a female, and she’s always been a female,” though one might note that last week Unroch was referred to as Cordero’s boyfriend and this week, “roommate and ex-boyfriend.” Sounds like someone had a problem with his gf being a bf. In what appeared to be an attempt to bring a little humor to the situation, Unroch added, “I may also be female. I’m checking with my doctors,” though conceivably he could’ve been dead serious.

Epstein’s lawyer, Gerald Lefcourt, in an effort to top the latest revelations, kidded/predicted, “It wouldn’t surprise me if the next claim was from the Loch Ness monster,” and also made sure to add, “[Epstein]’s never been accused of [trysting with underage boys].” But since the flood gates have been opened, and Epstein’s proven to be a bad judge of “guy or girl?” in the past (no fault of his own, since the one constant in this case is that his victims were mostly ornamental masturbatory material with the occasional blow job), odds are we're about to hear from at least handful of young boys who were thrown into the mix, whether or not Epstein knew they were boys at the time. The real question is: who will come forward next—another then-underage male or one of the best-known mysteries of cryptozoology? (Our money's on Nessie. That ho's been outing rich pervs for YEARS.)

Gender-Bend Shocker [NYP]

February 05, 2007, 06:46:59 PM Went to a lousy strip club with my friend Howard the other night. I am a super lousy customer since I never spend a dime on table dances. When I think the damn strippers are making $1000 a night there is no way in hell I am going to give them 5 cents of my hard earned money.

Now Howard on the other hand is a different story. The old bastard is 83, loves women in their 20s, and is good for a few hundred a night at these clubs. Unlike most of the younger patrons Howard is actually seriously trying to pick the girls up.

Our society is really funny. 40 years ago if a black guy dated a white woman half the population would go berserk. Now we are told it is the greatest thing since sliced bread on shows like Las Vegas or whatever. Lesbian couples are the glory of the day. So what's left.

Well folks the only real taboo left is old white guys dating young women. The rich old white corporate pigs who run the world and date all the young white girls they want have decided the only way it is ok for every other old white guy to date a young woman is if there is some sad story behind it, i.e. the guy is dying, the woman a psycho, etc. Because of this poor old bastards like Howard have to spend hundreds a night at strip clubs.

Now perhaps one day in the not too distant future the old white corporate pigs who run the world will declare it is a great thing for average old white guys in there 80s to date beautiful 20 year old white girls. When this happy day comes the rest of us poor old white guys will have something to look forward to as we get older. Frankly I much rather look forward to that then looking forward to joining AARP.

Earlier: When You Rebound From Jeffrey Epstein, You Rebound Hard

William Unroch's Blog: My thoughts about everything and then some [AttorneysNYC]

We're having a rough day here this morning. Don't ask. It's one of those days that we suspect should just be canceled.

Anyway, other than our morally dissolute life, the main thing troubling us this afternoon is the possibility that we have actually been in Jeffrey Epstein's apartment. Or mansion. It was two years ago, at a New Year's Eve party. We're still trying to piece together how we ended up there. If we're right about this, he has an indoor pool.

Photos: Jeffrey Epstein's Legal Troubles [ABC News]

At left, Maximilia Cordero, 23 and her lawyer William Unroch, 57, who also happens to be her boyfriend, with whom she’s been trying to get over the millionaire massage enthusiast and also fuck him over for money. The power couple is alleging that beginning in 2000, Jeffrey Epstein forced Cordero to perform “unnatural sex acts” on him at his Upper East Side apartment, by promising to help her with her modeling career, and maybe even get her into the Victoria Secret catalogue. (By what must be a matter of sheer coincidence, that also appears to be how the Cordero/Unroch relationship began, as Unroch also runs a model and talent agency, on the side of his law practice.)

Unroch wouldn’t say why is client/girlfriend waited until 7 years after the fact to take action, nor why she had never pressed criminal charges, but only that the suit—which is seeking unspecified money damages—is “about righting a wrong.” Though Epstein’s lawyer, Gerald Lefcourt said that the statute of limitations on the allegations had expired and predicted the lawsuit would be thrown out of court, Unroch, who has as least one prior case of this nature under his belt (last year he sued a neighbor for accusing him of having a relationship with a minor, that minor being Cordero), seems to be doing a bang-up job, so far. In addition to telling Cordero to say in court documents that she “just want[ed] to be a model,” Unroch made sure to cover the “whore out for money” bases by noting that his client suffered from mental illness at the time(s) of the fellatio. That proved to be good thinking—yesterday, Lecourt said Cordero "admitted in her papers that she's insane, but she can read the word 'rich' in the newspapers."

Hopefully this whole mess can be cleared up as soon as possible, as it’s obviously cutting into Unroch’s blogging time (about, most recently: “Minipigs” as the new ideal pet: Read today about tiny pigs being sold as pets. Small as a pomeranian. What a wonderful pet. Imagine the fun you will have taking your minipig to the Waldorf for lunch or McDonalds for breakfast. I expect tiny pigs will be the preferred pet in every household in New York within the next 5000 year, Cheesecake: The CIA is using cheesecake as torture. This is truly horrifying. Poor terrorists were not fed for a few hours and forced to be asked questions while the interrogator was eating delicious cheesecake. Now if this were done to me, especially if it was an Entemans Pineapple or Strawberry Cheesecake I would sell out your mother to get a piece. This horrifying torture goes beyond the bounds of human decency and should never be allowed, and underage girls: As all my faithful readers know the spirit world is not particularly nice. However be that as it is I had a most pleasant experience this early pm. Met 17 year old supermodel Laura in Riverside Park. She was incredibly awesome. I felt like Charlie Brown the first time he actually met the great pumpkin. This kid was more together in her little pinky than all the jewish housewifes in Long Island and maybe even Queens put together in one smoldering lump of dirty doo doo. I can't even think of anything nasty to say. Anyway this convinced me that the terror of the stinky middle aged girl friend(which I never had) is not the answer to Darfur or West End Avenue for that matter. Like the Bard said."Truth is beauty, beauty truth. That's all ye know on earth and all ye need to know."

Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Is A Proponent Of The “You Scratch My Back, I’ll Scratch Yours” Business Model

I Was Teen Prey Of Pervert Tycoon [New York Post]
WILLIAM J. UNROCH [AttorneysNYC]
William Unroch's Blog [AttorneysNYC]

Except that instead of a back it’s a penis and instead of a scratch it’s a suck. That’s right, we’re knee-deep into the latest sex suit against Jeffrey Epstein, brought by a girl who, at the time, was whatever the opposite of over eighteen is. This one’s from Maximilia Cordero, an aspiring model, who claims that in 2000, Epstein lured her to his Upper East Side apartment on the promise that “he and his wealthy friends would help…with her modeling career.” After giving her a tour of the place (making sure to note the huge spiral staircase, crystal ball, chandeliers, a room with red chairs, and a statue of a dog, for good measure) in his bathrobe, Epstein was finally able to seal the deal (for what was allegedly the first of many times) by saying, “I am the money manager for Victoria’s Secret” and claiming to have the pull to “get [Cordero] in the catalogue,” if only she would “be nice to him,” adding “if you want me to help you, then you have to help me.” (Epstein, in order to quell the girl’s fears as to what people would think of her blowing a man old enough to be her father, swore that he “wouldn’t tell anyone.” Bet he’s wishing he’d gotten her to do the same! Ah, well, hindsight.) Then he came in her mouth and requested that she return with her “14, 15, and 16 year old girlfriends next time." So what we're getting from this is that the guy's bedside manner is kind of weak (you don't ask about the friends until at least 60 minutes have past, that's a standard rule). Is that really something he should go to jail for?

Sex Suit Targets Pervy Financier [The Smoking Gun]

The lawyers for admitted sex-offender Jeffrey Epstein are girding their loins for the flood of lawsuits they expect from young women who may claim to have been victimized by Epstein in his pursuit of erotically charged massages. First things first: make sure you tag the girls as little junkie sluts who are just out for a dollar.

"You are a girl who is broke who uses drugs. Here's your shot at getting some money," one source tells Page Six.

Now admittedly, when a guy as rich as Epstein is rumored to be lands in trouble, there will definitely be con-artists and frauds who will seek a fast buck by alleging to be victims. As a girl we know likes to say, "Shit on yourself for long enough, and the flies will start to notice." But the lawyers don’t just expect suits from random buck-seekers. Apparently they’ve identified quite a few girls—forty according to Page Six—who they expect could “come forward.” Some of these girls didn’t even give Epstein a rub down—but they were in his house, apparently.

It seems Epstein’s lawyers have given up trying to save their client’s reputation. Now it’s just about trying to save his cash. Because if they cared about his reputation, they might not want to emphasize how many random girls, possibly drug addicts, who just happened to be wandering around Epstein’s house at any given moment.

But then again, we’ve never hung out with Epstein so maybe this is just standard in his circle. No biggie. Really. Who doesn’t have random strung-out teenagers over for lunch regularly?

The lawyers are also reportedly establishing some sort of claims fund, a lump sum settlement to pay off all the alleged victims of Epstein’s massage habit. Which makes us feel kind of bad for the settlement fund, Oh, settlement fund! How far you have fallen. From smoking suits across the country to this low-state. Don’t worry, settlement fund. Their will be better days.

Sex Case Victims Lining Up [Page Six]